Sir,
As an expert in the field of retail market trend prediction, I hereby submit a business proposal with significant potential for the sales and growth of the Gillette brand.
My observations have enabled me to identify a huge untapped market lying ripe for exploitation by a global corporation such as yours; that hapless individual one sees lurching around the aisles of supermarkets up and down the country reeling from (and reeking of) the effects of the night before.
Let me set the scene. The Gillette Corporation produces a new range of ostensibly identical razors with absolutely no cross compatability with the refill packs that you will sell for an inordinate amount of money. Confusingly, all the models in this new range will be given names redolent of a lady's "health aid" and sufficiently similar to leave our flummoxed punter scratching his head and wondering if it's the "Thruster Excel" or the "Vibro Max" he has sat on that little glass shelf over the bathroom sink.
My basic premise is that he will make the wrong choice and the whole scenario will unfold thus:
1) He gets back home to find that he neglected to ask for the reinforced security case be removed since he used the self service checkout and realises that it was him that triggered the screeching of the security claxon upon his exit from the store.
2) Finding that there is no suitable household implement available to extricate his purchase from said bulletproof enclosure, he employs the use of a lump hammer and bolster to extricate his goods giving himself a good smack on the thumbnail in the process.
3) Desparate to remove 48 hours worth of stubble, we've now made it to the bathroom where he finds that he is in possession of neither the Thruster Excel nor the Vibro Max but a completely different model altogether and, more importantly, that the new blades don't fit.
4) At this point in the proceedings our customer is now simmering with rage and is in possession of a product in a non-returnable state for which he has just forked out more of his hard earned lucre than he cared to.
5) So it's back to Budgens for the Tickler Xtreme so he can actually use the blades over which he has just jeopardised his sanity and wasted the whole of his Sunday morning.
It's a licence to print money!
I would advise you to act quickly, mind you, because I've spotted similar potential with electric toothbrushes and I reckon Oral-B would bite my arm off with this idea....
Yours Faithfully,
Lt. Col. Malcolm Buggeridge (Retd.)
As an expert in the field of retail market trend prediction, I hereby submit a business proposal with significant potential for the sales and growth of the Gillette brand.
My observations have enabled me to identify a huge untapped market lying ripe for exploitation by a global corporation such as yours; that hapless individual one sees lurching around the aisles of supermarkets up and down the country reeling from (and reeking of) the effects of the night before.
Let me set the scene. The Gillette Corporation produces a new range of ostensibly identical razors with absolutely no cross compatability with the refill packs that you will sell for an inordinate amount of money. Confusingly, all the models in this new range will be given names redolent of a lady's "health aid" and sufficiently similar to leave our flummoxed punter scratching his head and wondering if it's the "Thruster Excel" or the "Vibro Max" he has sat on that little glass shelf over the bathroom sink.
My basic premise is that he will make the wrong choice and the whole scenario will unfold thus:
1) He gets back home to find that he neglected to ask for the reinforced security case be removed since he used the self service checkout and realises that it was him that triggered the screeching of the security claxon upon his exit from the store.
2) Finding that there is no suitable household implement available to extricate his purchase from said bulletproof enclosure, he employs the use of a lump hammer and bolster to extricate his goods giving himself a good smack on the thumbnail in the process.
3) Desparate to remove 48 hours worth of stubble, we've now made it to the bathroom where he finds that he is in possession of neither the Thruster Excel nor the Vibro Max but a completely different model altogether and, more importantly, that the new blades don't fit.
4) At this point in the proceedings our customer is now simmering with rage and is in possession of a product in a non-returnable state for which he has just forked out more of his hard earned lucre than he cared to.
5) So it's back to Budgens for the Tickler Xtreme so he can actually use the blades over which he has just jeopardised his sanity and wasted the whole of his Sunday morning.
It's a licence to print money!
I would advise you to act quickly, mind you, because I've spotted similar potential with electric toothbrushes and I reckon Oral-B would bite my arm off with this idea....
Yours Faithfully,
Lt. Col. Malcolm Buggeridge (Retd.)
You could end up with a nasty gash if you weren't careful.
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