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Aiman
11th June 2015, 22:45
I'm creating a movie about agency called "Computer Futures" and their bad practice. If you are one of contractors with bad experience with them feel free to contact me - together we can force them to play fair.

TheFaQQer
12th June 2015, 06:03
What experience do you have as a film maker? How are you funding the production? What bad practice are you looking to expose?

Have you considered Kickstarter - film making is an expensive process.

cojak
12th June 2015, 06:45
This thread is so General...

Paddy
12th June 2015, 06:50
I'm creating a movie about agency called "Computer Futures" and their bad practice. If you are one of contractors with bad experience with them feel free to contact me - together we can force them to play fair.

Had a really bad experience. The agent insisted on being bummed. I felt dirty and abused afterwards.

eek
12th June 2015, 07:18
Good choice of agency to complain about.

The Commercial Director of the parent company is a poster on this forum. I'm sure Andy will be delighted when he sees this post and cheerfully reply when he gets a chance....

barrydidit
12th June 2015, 07:22
They tied me to a chair above a shark pool and the chair was being slowly lowered into the pool. Fortunately I am COTBAC so I MTFU, chewed through the ropes, twutted the sharks and made sushi for me and some bikini clad piece who happened to be there too.

Do you think you could put that scene in?

cojak
12th June 2015, 07:22
Wot?

Specifically in General?

Is he mad?

I moved it to General.

I thought the OP might need help with the script...

cojak
12th June 2015, 07:23
They tied me to a chair above a shark pool and the chair was being slowly lowered into the pool. Fortunately I am COTBAC so I MTFU, chewed through the ropes, twutted the sharks and made sushi for me and some bikini clad piece who happened to be there too.

Do you think you could put that scene in?

I was right! :laugh

MarillionFan
12th June 2015, 07:33
I had a really bad curry there and the service was awful

cojak
12th June 2015, 07:43
I'm creating a movie about agency called "Computer Futures" and their bad practice. If you are one of contractors with bad experience with them feel free to contact me - together we can force them to play fair.

Please note everyone: that post is as-is. I DID NOT edit it in anyway.

Just in case anyone was wondering...

GlenW
12th June 2015, 07:56
What an amazing coincidence!
I got an email from them this morning and it had 2 spelling mistakes in it! The grammar wasn't very good either. If you need any more details I'd be happy to participate in your production, usual Equity rates of course.

TheFaQQer
12th June 2015, 08:04
They tied me to a chair above a shark pool and the chair was being slowly lowered into the pool. Fortunately I am COTBAC so I MTFU, chewed through the ropes, twutted the sharks and made sushi for me and some bikini clad piece who happened to be there too.

Do you think you could put that scene in?

Pffft - a real contractor would have a Rolex that has a spinning bezel to cut through the rope before stuffing an oxygen cylinder in the mouth of the shark and shooting it to blow it up.

Or something like that.

BlueSharp
12th June 2015, 08:09
Opening Scene, stood in Piccadilly Station, rush hour commute time, smoke machine:

My name is Dave, commander of the Agents of the North,
General of the Felix Legions and loyal servant to the TRUE emperor, Margaret Thatcher.
Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my commission, in this life or the next.

barrydidit
12th June 2015, 08:10
Pffft - a real contractor would have a Rolex that has a spinning bezel to cut through the rope before stuffing an oxygen cylinder in the mouth of the shark and shooting it to blow it up.

Or something like that.

I'm sure the facts will be sexed up for the silver screen. :happy

DaveB
12th June 2015, 08:14
I'm creating a movie about agency called "Computer Futures" and their bad practice. If you are one of contractors with bad experience with them feel free to contact me - together we can force them to play fair.

Opening Crawl, field of stars, dramatic music (can we get John Williams?)

It is a period of civil war.
Rebel contractors, striking
from a hidden base, have won
their first victory against
the evil Computer Futures empire.

During the battle, rebel
spies managed to steal secret
drafts of the Empire's
ultimate weapon, the IR35 Contract,
a contract so convoluted it has
enough power to put any
contractor inside IR35.

Pursued by the Empire's
sinister agents, Princess
Suity races home aboard her
starship, custodian of the
stolen drafts that can save
her people and restore
freedom to the galaxy....

Ticktock
12th June 2015, 08:15
I heard a rumour that when CF bring in window cleaners then they make sure that they actually have the wrong type of ladder.

May just be a rumour though.

MicrosoftBob
12th June 2015, 08:17
I heard a rumour that when CF bring in window cleaners then they make sure that they actually have the wrong type of ladder.

May just be a rumour though.

I theard they brought in 3rd line support to lick the windows clean

NotAllThere
12th June 2015, 08:19
...- together we can force them to play fair.Agencies like CF have been around for many years. No-one's managed that so far. Agencies don't play fair. They're in business, like the rest of us.


Good choice of agency to complain about.

The Commercial Director of the parent company is a poster on this forum. I'm sure Andy will be delighted when he sees this post and cheerfully reply when he gets a chance....I'm sure Andy is well aware of the reputation among contractors of the companies in his group. And laughs all the way to the bank.


Opening Scene, stood in Piccadilly Station, rush hour commute time, smoke machine:

My name is Dave, commander of the Agents of the North,
General of the Felix Legions and loyal servant to the TRUE emperor, Margaret Thatcher.
Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife...And that's when I called Claims Direct.*



* (c) Dead Ringers

FatLazyContractor
12th June 2015, 08:21
Opening Scene, stood in Piccadilly Station,

The one in Manchester? or London?

Attention to detail :spank:

cojak
12th June 2015, 08:29
And let's not forget the contracting elite - those consultant's working direct for clients.

Agency snipers get a bonus if they manage to bring one of those bloodied scalps back to base.

(Sadly creative freelancers are trampled underfoot, not even recognised as battle fodder owing to the near 0% commission that they generate).

BlueSharp
12th June 2015, 08:30
The one in Manchester? or London?

Attention to detail :spank:

Station not circus would make it Manchester...

DaveB
12th June 2015, 08:32
The one in Manchester? or London?

Attention to detail :spank:

London of course, nobody in film knows Manchester exists.

TheLordDave
12th June 2015, 08:36
Good choice of agency to complain about.

The Commercial Director of the parent company is a poster on this forum. I'm sure Andy will be delighted when he sees this post and cheerfully reply when he gets a chance....

I say they are a good choice given they are the worst agency I have ever dealt with.

SimonMac
12th June 2015, 08:36
I'm creating a movie about agency called "Computer Futures" and their bad practice. If you are one of contractors with bad experience with them feel free to contact me - together we can force them to play fair.

Can we get two references first thank you please?

cojak
12th June 2015, 08:36
London of course, nobody in film knows Manchester exists.

I did hear it mentioned once as a casualty in an alien strike force.

vwdan
12th June 2015, 08:36
I just find them to be generally a waste of time - but no more so than your post.

SimonMac
12th June 2015, 08:37
Please note everyone: that post is as-is. I DID NOT edit it in anyway.

Just in case anyone was wondering...

So just how carefully are you and admin monitoring this thread :laugh

Uncle Albert
12th June 2015, 08:37
Can you make sure there are gladiators in the film? We all like films about gladiators.

darmstadt
12th June 2015, 08:38
Made me lick the chutney spoon while bleeding radiators in client's Tornado for my last contract with them :igmc: Mind you, I still have the hair gel they sent me for Christmas

SimonMac
12th June 2015, 08:40
They tied me to a chair above a shark pool and the chair was being slowly lowered into the pool. Fortunately I am COTBAC so I MTFU, chewed through the ropes, twutted the sharks and made sushi for me and some bikini clad piece who happened to be there too.

Do you think you could put that scene in?

But were they sharks with fricking lasers?

https://40.media.tumblr.com/7410378d1e054e95a3c551f487dc15a3/tumblr_mrn89gZqkZ1qca21mo1_400.jpg

SimonMac
12th June 2015, 08:44
Opening Crawl, field of stars, dramatic music (can we get John Williams?)

Once upon a time warp. . . .

In a galaxy very, very, very, very, far away, there lived a ruthless
race of beings known as . . . Spaceballs Computer Futures.

Chapter Eleven

The evil leaders of Planet Spaceballs Computer Futures having foolishly spuandered
their precious clients, have devised a secret plan to take every
breath of air away from their peace-loving neighbor, Planet ContractorUK.

Today is Princess Admin's wedding day. Unbeknownest to the princess,
but knowest to us, danger lurks in the stars above. . .

If you can read this, you don't need glasses.


FTFY

jmo21
12th June 2015, 09:03
Used them for 2.5 years on a contract, always paid on time, no hassle.

northernladuk
12th June 2015, 09:10
I theard they brought in 3rd line support to lick the windows clean

They call in Lego for that.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/article/33079474/lego-apologises-for-window-licker-toy

NotAllThere
12th June 2015, 10:07
And let's not forget the contracting elite - those consultant's working direct for clients.

:wave:

cojak
12th June 2015, 10:29
:wave:

Head down, man, head down!

And keep away from the windows.

TykeMerc
12th June 2015, 10:40
Head down, man, head down!

And keep away from the windows.

Don't forget to wear your CUK Moderators issue bullet, stab and flame proof vest too.