2016-03-29 A handy guide to Left-wing people for the under 10s
Funny article, and so true
Left-wing people in the olden days
Left-wing people used to like working-class people.
Lots of left-wing people used to be working-class people. These people were known as socialists and joined trade unions.
Sometimes working-class people used to frighten left-wing people, but they pretended that they weren’t frightened and were nice to them.
Left-wing people supported working-class people, gave them money, sat in rooms with them and wore badges to show that they cared more than right-wing people, who wore ties instead of badges and didn’t care.
Nowadays
Nowadays, working-class people are bored with socialism because it hasn’t made them rich and happy.
Nowadays left-wing people are middle-class people. Working class people are a big disappointment to left-wing people.
Left wing people now think that working class people are:
a) Simple and easily led
b) Un-enlightened and susceptible to short-term pleasures
c) Terribly sad and struggling, unable to cope on their own
d) All of the above
:::
Left-wing people care more than other people
Left-wing people care so much that they love the whole entire planet. Other people don’t care about the planet, they only care about themselves and other people that they know. This means that left-wing people have to love the planet even more, even more than they actually like other people.
Left-wing people show that they care by telling other people about how much they care. They send special “I care” signals to other people. Forwarding videos on Facebook is one way that they can show how much they care. The videos often show people far away who are living miserable lives, but pictures of cute fluffy chickens in nasty factories are considered sufficient.
Left-wing activists (see below) are very helpful. They make lots of “I care” videos which makes it quick and easy for left-wing people to send their “signals”. They do this several times throughout each day when they are not busy.
:::
Left-wing people used to like working-class people.
Lots of left-wing people used to be working-class people. These people were known as socialists and joined trade unions.
Sometimes working-class people used to frighten left-wing people, but they pretended that they weren’t frightened and were nice to them.
Left-wing people supported working-class people, gave them money, sat in rooms with them and wore badges to show that they cared more than right-wing people, who wore ties instead of badges and didn’t care.
Nowadays
Nowadays, working-class people are bored with socialism because it hasn’t made them rich and happy.
Nowadays left-wing people are middle-class people. Working class people are a big disappointment to left-wing people.
Left wing people now think that working class people are:
a) Simple and easily led
b) Un-enlightened and susceptible to short-term pleasures
c) Terribly sad and struggling, unable to cope on their own
d) All of the above
:::
Left-wing people care more than other people
Left-wing people care so much that they love the whole entire planet. Other people don’t care about the planet, they only care about themselves and other people that they know. This means that left-wing people have to love the planet even more, even more than they actually like other people.
Left-wing people show that they care by telling other people about how much they care. They send special “I care” signals to other people. Forwarding videos on Facebook is one way that they can show how much they care. The videos often show people far away who are living miserable lives, but pictures of cute fluffy chickens in nasty factories are considered sufficient.
Left-wing activists (see below) are very helpful. They make lots of “I care” videos which makes it quick and easy for left-wing people to send their “signals”. They do this several times throughout each day when they are not busy.
:::
Comment