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41 things that every man should know by the age of 40

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    41 things that every man should know by the age of 40

    40 things that every man should know by the age of 40

    41. Don't get married

    #2
    Remember how sometimes you’d smile at girls and they’d smile back? You need to stop that, it’s creepy.
    lol. so true.
    First Law of Contracting: Only the strong survive

    Comment


      #3
      Sex is great in moderation, and done traditionally
      Bolluscs!
      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

      Comment


        #4
        Interesting (or not) that they've chosen to use David Beckham as their cool young person given that he's 40.

        Comment


          #5
          For those of you that couldn't be bothered clicking, their points and my comments (the latter of which were, unfortunately, not published):

          1. You should never try solo karaoke
          If you can't sing, don't; if you can, do. Doesn't matter what age or gender.
          2. You are no longer welcome in Top Man
          Oh no, I'm going to end it all. Oh, wait, I'll pop next door to Selfridges, Gant or Hugo Boss instead.
          3. Carrying on drinking is ALWAYS a bad idea
          Rubbish
          4. Carrying on sleeping is ALWAYS good idea
          Rubbish
          5. Sheds make a fine getaway
          Rubbish
          6. Your “career” is a fluid concept
          Rubbish
          7. You almost definitely won’t make it as a professional sportsman
          Well duh.
          8. Your friendship circle should never reach double figures
          Why not?
          9. Only certain trainers will do
          True at any age. Which plum wrote this?
          10. Pubs serve other drinks that aren’t beer
          Wine at a pub is usually crap. Top-end lager, real ale or JD and coke.
          11. Emblazoned T-shirts aren’t for you
          They aren't for anyone except morons
          12. You definitely don’t know any slang
          Swear down I do.
          13. Fusion cooking doesn’t come naturally
          WTF? Just-eat, restaurants, wife. Sod cooking
          14. You’re not going to out-succeed your parents
          Oops, have done. Ho hum.
          15. There’s no place in your life for hairstyles
          Never has been. I'm not a fashion slave.
          16. There’s little room for reading fiction
          Clearly this person is new to IT
          17. A greeting is only as awkward as you make it
          WTF?
          18. You need to eat better
          I am now I can afford it you sanctimonious pr**k
          19. Exercise is absolutely essential
          What a James Blunt.
          20. You will never be 100 per cent secure in anything
          Death and taxes is all we ever have
          21. Sex is great in moderation, and done traditionally
          Poor thing. Must have married the wrong person.
          22. 98 per cent of the time, hot girls don’t fancy you
          I don't care. I'm married. Who is this numpty?
          23. For some reason, younger people think you’ve acquired wisdom
          I have. The author hasn't a clue
          24. You can’t convincingly execute a fist bump
          I can. The author can't.
          25. Only certain people can carry off calling a stranger “darlin”
          Cockney winkers mainly
          26. You absolutely have to stop dancing now
          Dad dancing ftw. Get stuffed.
          27. You will never learn a new language fluently
          Some struggle with English. There's also an assumption that I want/need to be fluent in another language.
          28. Crosswords are fun and cardigans are comfy
          I don't own a cardigan, wouldn't know.
          29. There’s no such thing as a “relaxed kickabout”
          Oh joy, a football fan since Ing-er-lund 96 telling me how good or bad I am. W@nkpuffin.
          30. The explanations next to paintings still aren’t interesting
          This person has issues
          31. Drugs are for other people
          Yep, see comment on 30.
          32. Foreign language films have a higher chance of nudity
          Xhamster isn't a foreign language film site.
          33. You can confidently open a bottle of fizz
          Been doing so for years. What an amateur.
          34. You need a torch somewhere in the house
          I have one on my phone. What a cock.
          35. Happiness comes from being calm, not busy
          Happiness comes in all shapes and sizes. As confirmed by xhamster
          36. You have one type of underwear that suits you
          Weirdo
          37. Not being invited can be better than missing out
          This person has even more issues
          38. Mother isn’t always right
          She never was always right. But she's 20 years wiser than she was when I was 20.
          39. Over-confidence can mask uncertainty
          Yes, I've encountered consultants too.
          40. True love feels lovely
          So does dirty love.
          The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by LondonManc View Post
            For those of you that couldn't be bothered clicking, their points and my comments (the latter of which were, unfortunately, not published):
            ...
            Largely agree except:

            3. Carrying on drinking is ALWAYS a bad idea
            I just can't do it.

            4. Carrying on sleeping is ALWAYS good idea
            Afternoon nap. Lovely.

            6. Your “career” is a fluid concept
            Careers are for permies

            8. Your friendship circle should never reach double figures
            What are "friends?"

            12. You definitely don’t know any slang
            Handy for winding up your offspring though

            15. There’s no place in your life for hairstyles
            Because I have no hair

            24. You can’t convincingly execute a fist bump
            See 12.

            27. You will never learn a new language fluently
            I'll just have to make do with English, French and German.

            28. ... cardigans are comfy
            They are.
            Down with racism. Long live miscegenation!

            Comment


              #7
              2. You are no longer welcome in Top Man

              Yes, I know, particularly after I took a dump in one of their fitting rooms.


              5. Sheds make a fine getaway
              That reminds me, I need to order the new shed for the wife


              6. Your “career” is a fluid concept
              My "drinking career is a fluid concept


              9. Only certain trainers will do
              Yes, the ones that fit and are appropriate for the sport being done. Otherwise there is no use for trainers.



              13. Fusion cooking doesn’t come naturally
              I haven't got a fusion reactor, so I can't do fusion cooking. I will, on the other hand, mix ingredients from far flung countries and styles to produce dishes that I enjoy eating.


              15. There’s no place in your life for hairstyles
              OK, so I've been bald since I was 20, no need to rub it in.


              16. There’s little room for reading fiction
              You've never seen a project timeline as created by someone without a clue.


              18. You need to eat better
              Butter or better?


              22. 98 per cent of the time, hot girls don’t fancy you
              My wife fancies me. She's hot. You're wrong.


              23. For some reason, younger people think you’ve acquired wisdom
              I have acquired experience. Wisdom is learning from experience, repeating the good/fun bits and not repeating the mistakes (unless they were good/fun or fall under rule 6)


              24. You can’t convincingly execute a fist bump
              In my day we called it punching.


              27. You will never learn a new language fluently
              Wrong


              28. Crosswords are fun and cardigans are comfy
              Cardigans don't suit all people. A nice Harris tweed jacket can be comfy too.


              29. There’s no such thing as a “relaxed kickabout”
              That's true. Soccer doesn't appeal to people with brains.


              30. The explanations next to paintings still aren’t interesting
              No, they require a bit of intelligence and appreciation. Something the author lacks


              31. Drugs are for other people
              If you care, you share.


              32. Foreign language films have a higher chance of nudity
              They also have a higher chance of having a plot that hasn't been destroyed by Hollywood dumbing it down so writes like you can watch.
              Have you seen Spoorloos and then watched The Vanishing?


              33. You can confidently open a bottle of fizz
              True, my sabrage skills are well known.


              34. You need a torch somewhere in the house
              I have several. When you walk a dog in winter you need one.

              35. Happiness comes from being calm, not busy
              Happiness comes from enjoying yourself. Sometimes that means being busy.


              38. Mother isn’t always right
              Nope, she hasn't been right for over 3 years now. Ever since she died.
              …Maybe we ain’t that young anymore

              Comment


                #8
                Originally posted by BrilloPad View Post
                Never dance or sing. Ever. Even if you think you can, you can't.
                His heart is in the right place - shame we can't say the same about his brain...

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by Mordac View Post
                  Never dance or sing. Ever. Even if you think you can, you can't.


                  What if others think you can sing, then is it permitted?
                  …Maybe we ain’t that young anymore

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by vetran View Post
                    Bolluscs!
                    Coming from someone who gets none, this is gold dust

                    Comment

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