for women, from some anonymous source 
Originally posted by Some Chunt like MMM
10) Hair Curler. Women with boring straight hair could spice things up after Francois Marcel invented the curling iron in 1872.
9) Hair Straightener. Women are never satisfied with the way something looks, especially themselves. Women with boring curly hair could now spice things up after Issac Shero invented the straightening iron in 1909.
8) Hair Dryer. You know that strange thing hanging on the wall in the hotel bathroom that kinda looks like a ray gun? Apparently it's called a "hair blower" (heh heh, I said 'blower') and the wimminz use this to quick-dry their fur after their doggy-bath. In 1890, a man named Alexander Godefroy was fed up with waiting for his wimmin to sit around the house with a towel wrapped around her head before they could go out and get tulip done. He invented the hair dryer to make a bitch hurry the **** up in the bathroom and get back to making him sammiches in the kitchen. Nicely done!
7) Fake Eyelashes. When cupcake wants something from you, she will pout her lips then bat those extra long hairs extending from her eye lids. Rest assured that just like her personality, those eyelashes are fake as tulip. In 1916, film director David Griffith had a pair made for an actress who needed to appear more manipulative on screen than females already do.
6) Fake nails. Dude, what part of a woman isn't fake? Just like the lips, eyelashes, hair extensions, hair colour, her boobs, her butt, and her 'golden' personality, her nails are fake too. Duh. In 1954, a dentist named Fred Slack actually made one for himself when he broke his. Just like most good things men make for themselves, women quickly stole this for keeps.
5) High heel shoes. Street-walking hookers the world over owe their thanks to a shoemaker way, way back in 1660 named Nicholas Lestage. Thank you Nicholas for 355 years of floozy fashion.
4) Purse/handbag. In 1841 Samual Parkinson made the first ladies purse for his wife. Today, the purse is the number one item that women love shopping for, apparently even more than shoes. Sorry Nicholas Lestage, you have been bested.
3) Pantyhose. Don't feel like shaving your grotesque, hairy legs? Don't worry wimminz, you can just slip a pair of these on for that smooth, darkened look to manipulate the menz in the office. Don't forget to sue for sexual harrazementz when you catch them peeking. Skanks. Allen Grant Sr patented these in 1959. They also double as balaclavas.
2) Cordless Electric Vibrator. Many other steam powered and electric versions preceded what we know today as the 'vibrator dildo', but the cordless version invented by John H Tavel in 1966 is the one your secretary is hiding in her purse. In fact, the oldest dildo ever discovered by archeologists is dated to be 30,000 years old and made of stone, proving that wimminz have been sex-hungry sluts since the dawn of time. And they say it's the menz who only think about sex. Ha!
1) The Contraceptive Pill. That's right, I reserved the #1 spot on this list for the birth control pill, invented by Gregory Goodwin Pincus in 1960. What in the **** would modern skanks do without these, huh? Thanks to this invention, females can throw all caution and responsibility for their actions out the window starting in junior high school, then after 20 years of hook up sex with a bunch of tattooed assholes like me, they can finally settle down with any blue piller of their choice to pay for their mistakes. Cool story, bro!
9) Hair Straightener. Women are never satisfied with the way something looks, especially themselves. Women with boring curly hair could now spice things up after Issac Shero invented the straightening iron in 1909.
8) Hair Dryer. You know that strange thing hanging on the wall in the hotel bathroom that kinda looks like a ray gun? Apparently it's called a "hair blower" (heh heh, I said 'blower') and the wimminz use this to quick-dry their fur after their doggy-bath. In 1890, a man named Alexander Godefroy was fed up with waiting for his wimmin to sit around the house with a towel wrapped around her head before they could go out and get tulip done. He invented the hair dryer to make a bitch hurry the **** up in the bathroom and get back to making him sammiches in the kitchen. Nicely done!
7) Fake Eyelashes. When cupcake wants something from you, she will pout her lips then bat those extra long hairs extending from her eye lids. Rest assured that just like her personality, those eyelashes are fake as tulip. In 1916, film director David Griffith had a pair made for an actress who needed to appear more manipulative on screen than females already do.
6) Fake nails. Dude, what part of a woman isn't fake? Just like the lips, eyelashes, hair extensions, hair colour, her boobs, her butt, and her 'golden' personality, her nails are fake too. Duh. In 1954, a dentist named Fred Slack actually made one for himself when he broke his. Just like most good things men make for themselves, women quickly stole this for keeps.
5) High heel shoes. Street-walking hookers the world over owe their thanks to a shoemaker way, way back in 1660 named Nicholas Lestage. Thank you Nicholas for 355 years of floozy fashion.
4) Purse/handbag. In 1841 Samual Parkinson made the first ladies purse for his wife. Today, the purse is the number one item that women love shopping for, apparently even more than shoes. Sorry Nicholas Lestage, you have been bested.
3) Pantyhose. Don't feel like shaving your grotesque, hairy legs? Don't worry wimminz, you can just slip a pair of these on for that smooth, darkened look to manipulate the menz in the office. Don't forget to sue for sexual harrazementz when you catch them peeking. Skanks. Allen Grant Sr patented these in 1959. They also double as balaclavas.
2) Cordless Electric Vibrator. Many other steam powered and electric versions preceded what we know today as the 'vibrator dildo', but the cordless version invented by John H Tavel in 1966 is the one your secretary is hiding in her purse. In fact, the oldest dildo ever discovered by archeologists is dated to be 30,000 years old and made of stone, proving that wimminz have been sex-hungry sluts since the dawn of time. And they say it's the menz who only think about sex. Ha!
1) The Contraceptive Pill. That's right, I reserved the #1 spot on this list for the birth control pill, invented by Gregory Goodwin Pincus in 1960. What in the **** would modern skanks do without these, huh? Thanks to this invention, females can throw all caution and responsibility for their actions out the window starting in junior high school, then after 20 years of hook up sex with a bunch of tattooed assholes like me, they can finally settle down with any blue piller of their choice to pay for their mistakes. Cool story, bro!
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