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realityhack
15th November 2006, 12:51
Only one question...

Ardesco
15th November 2006, 12:54
Do you denounce christianity as a bunch of shite after seeing what it has become since you last walked the earth?

Logie
15th November 2006, 12:57
I would say why didn't you wait another 2,000 years ?

I mean if he walked the Earth now, he could be on Parky, the internet, Sky News, Jonathan Ross. He could reach billions instead of a few poofs from the M.E.

AtW
15th November 2006, 12:58
Why did you forget to add the following to the first page of the Bible: "The characters and events portrait in this book are fictional"?

Flubster
15th November 2006, 13:00
Do you ever take your own name in vain...especially when having a bowel movement?

Bagpuss
15th November 2006, 13:00
Why does Chico renounce you as a peace loving tree hugger?

John Galt
15th November 2006, 13:01
Why have the commandment 'Thou Shalt not Kill' and then allow people to do so

Jesus
15th November 2006, 13:07
Dear All, I'm getting my secretary to note your concerns. As soon as I can find a window in my calendar I hope to arrange a 1:1 to address some of you concerns. Thanks for you patience at this time.

Kind regards
JC

realityhack
15th November 2006, 13:08
I think mine would be: why have free will, and allow many billions to go to hell, if you love us so much?

Buffoon
15th November 2006, 13:08
There is a gap on you CV. What have you been doing for the last 2000 years?

You do not seem to have any recent commercial experience, so we cannot use you.

AtW
15th November 2006, 13:09
As soon as I can find a window in my calendar I hope to arrange a 1:1 to address some of you concerns.

Please put me back to the end of the queue - for at least 100 years or so.

Jesus
15th November 2006, 13:11
Please put me back to the end of the queue - for at least 100 years or so.

I gave up on you when you moved the goat in

Lucy
15th November 2006, 13:11
Why are there so many 'Jesus' related threads today ?

realityhack
15th November 2006, 13:14
Blame AtW (http://forums.contractoruk.com/threadedpost150894.html#post150894) :p

Jinx!

Xenophon
15th November 2006, 13:14
Why are there so many 'Jesus' related threads today ?
Blame AtW.

Well done realityhack!

:)

Jesus
15th November 2006, 13:14
I was feeling unwanted, so I planted the idea surreptitiously.

AtW
15th November 2006, 13:16
Blame AtW (http://forums.contractoruk.com/threadedpost150894.html#post150894) :p

Jinx!

God told me to do it...

Flubster
15th November 2006, 13:17
so Christianity is all mind games then? Phew, Chico got me going there for a moment...

Xenophon
15th November 2006, 13:23
I'd ask Jesus 'will I ever have a threesome with Sienna Miller and Charlize Theron?'

:moon:

Pondlife
15th November 2006, 13:24
I'd ask Jesus 'will I ever have a threesome with Sienna Miller and Charlize Theron?'

:moon:

Not sure you need JC for that one. ;) In the words of SAS No.. Next...

Logie
15th November 2006, 13:25
And he'd say "yes my child, in your dreams"


I'd ask Jesus 'will I ever have a threesome with Sienna Miller and Charlize Theron?'

:moon:

SallyAnne
15th November 2006, 13:26
Dear All, I'm getting my secretary to note your concerns. As soon as I can find a window in my calendar I hope to arrange a 1:1 to address some of you concerns. Thanks for you patience at this time.

Kind regards
JC

I think your description says it all...

Jesus: Should Try Harder.

Jesus
15th November 2006, 13:26
I'd ask Jesus 'will I ever have a threesome with Sienna Miller and Charlize Theron?'

:moon:

Hang on let me break a fortune cookie..

Ah yes,,,

Consider the man who asked his father; "Am I your favourite son?"

Xenophon
15th November 2006, 13:27
Well thanks a lot Pondster and Logie!

I can dream, can't I?!?

;)

AtW
15th November 2006, 13:27
I think your description says it all...

Jesus: Should Try Harder.

It was funnier when he was not worth listening to. More honest as well.

Zippy
15th November 2006, 13:28
Hi there Jesus mate,

I've got this great new role so where are you working at the moment? Can you give me a couple of references?

snaw
15th November 2006, 13:28
Jesus, when your dad was handing out brains, how come he missed Chico?

Xenophon
15th November 2006, 13:29
Hang on let me break a fortune cookie..

Ah yes,,,

Consider the man who asked his father; "Am I your favourite son?"
I don't know what that means - but what about me, Sienna, Charlie and a bucket load of taramasalata?? Is it gonna happen??

AtW
15th November 2006, 13:29
Jesus, when your dad was handing out brains, how come he missed Chico?

That's cuz Eva asked for something else to be made bigger.

HTH

Chic0

Jesus
15th November 2006, 13:30
It was funnier when he was not worth listening to. More honest as well.

I have more important work to do than starting threads on something I know nothing about or flashing my knickers at the congregation (SA)

Peace be with you, and all who sail in you (SA)

Xenophon
15th November 2006, 13:34
Hi there Jesus mate,

I've got this great new role so where are you working at the moment? Can you give me a couple of references?
Zippy is an S3 pimp and I claim my £5.

Forumbore
15th November 2006, 13:34
Only one question...

Was your mum really a virgin?

Zippy
15th November 2006, 13:35
Zippy is an S3 pimp and I claim my £5.

It's a fair cop :D

Logie
15th November 2006, 13:36
Well thanks a lot Pondster and Logie!

I can dream, can't I?!?

;)

I'll tell you what, I'll ask them directly. They're both here now. Hang on, Sienna's got her mouth full and Charlize............

sasguru
15th November 2006, 13:39
Why did you create a useless twat like Chico?

Xenophon
15th November 2006, 13:40
It's a fair cop :D
Look forward to receiving the fiver!

:)

*Doesn't hold breath.*

Zippy
15th November 2006, 13:55
Look forward to receiving the fiver!

:)

*Doesn't hold breath.*

Less 30% of course.

Xenophon
15th November 2006, 13:56
Less 30% of course.
:rollin:

realityhack
15th November 2006, 16:27
*resurrected*

(Sorry couldn't resist :rolleyes: )

Denny
15th November 2006, 19:23
What contractual arrangements did you have in place with your disciples?

Were they followers on their own account or did they follow you for set number of hours under your direct supervision?

Did they provide their own sandals and tunic or did you?

Did they have rights of substitution or did they have to follow you themselves?

Were they hired through God or direct?

Did they have to give notice not to follow you any more.


Gordo x

Joe Black
15th November 2006, 20:05
Why was the Bible and it's v1.1 release (formerly known as the Koran PBUBG*) not released under a GPL license where it would be possible to modify it to suit specific peoples needs/aims?


* peace be upon Bill Gates

Lucy
15th November 2006, 21:14
When is my next really good **** ?

To BI or not to BI?
15th November 2006, 22:05
When is my next really good **** ?

deed?

MrsGoof
15th November 2006, 23:05
couldn't care less

just getting last post on alll threads

realityhack
15th November 2006, 23:36
couldn't care less

just getting last post on alll threads

I think Jesus cares, you know. :)

BrilloPad
20th September 2017, 13:42
Jesus - if you wanted more power, would you become a CUK mod?

BR14
20th September 2017, 13:49
the only jesus i know works in my local, so i'd ask for a pint, like i usually do.

northernladuk
20th September 2017, 13:50
If you wanted to bring misery and despair and punish us all wouldn't it have been easier to send the floods again rather than give us Psychcandy?

original PM
20th September 2017, 14:13
Did you have a hand in resurrecting this thread?

Eirikur
20th September 2017, 14:29
If you were eaten by a crocodile would it poo out holy sh!t?

MarillionFan
20th September 2017, 15:10
Did you have a hand in resurrecting this thread?

Class. :yay:

scooterscot
21st September 2017, 08:43
I hear you're a joiner, I've got a shelf that needs putting up, have you got availability? What's your rate?

Whorty
21st September 2017, 20:48
You do realise that your mother's story of a miracle conception is all ballox don't you? She's a bit of a slapper and she just doesn't know who your real did is ... but don't tell your 'dad' Joseph, he fell for the story hook, line and sinker!

DimPrawn
21st September 2017, 20:52
What one thing would you ask Jesus if you had the chance?

Do you support Brexit?

Cirrus
22nd September 2017, 05:59
You do realise that your mother's story of a miracle conception is all ballox don't you? She's a bit of a slapper and she just doesn't know who your real did is ... but don't tell your 'dad' Joseph, he fell for the story hook, line and sinker!Immaculate!

woohoo
22nd September 2017, 06:11
You do realise that your mother's story of a miracle conception is all ballox don't you? She's a bit of a slapper and she just doesn't know who your real did is ... but don't tell your 'dad' Joseph, he fell for the story hook, line and sinker!

Careful now, you might offend some religious nutters and they may issue a fatwa against you. You may spend the rest of your life in hiding and fear.

Oh hang on, wrong religion, carry on.