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kaiser78
27th September 2017, 10:59
Help needed on this one please as totally not my area of expertise…I have been invited to a wedding reception in a couple of weeks time, although I am not able to make it.

The wedding couple have asked for donations to their honeymoon next year. My query is whether it is the done thing to just enclose cash with the card, or should I write a cheque ?

Lance
27th September 2017, 11:03
Help needed on this one please as totally not my area of expertise…I have been invited to a wedding reception in a couple of weeks time, although I am not able to make it.

The wedding couple have asked for donations to their honeymoon next year. My query is whether it is the done thing to just enclose cash with the card, or should I write a cheque ?

a cheque to Mr. & Mrs. Surname.
That way they have to go and open a joint bank account. Isn't that romantic?

BrilloPad
27th September 2017, 11:08
You can't make it. Shame.

Just write a cheque for £100k and leave the name blank.

northernladuk
27th September 2017, 11:11
Good question and I'm interested in the response. Also how much is acceptable. A friend of a friend got married recently and was chatting about it on a night out. They went through what was given with a fine toothed comb and was moaning about what some people put in and others didn't etc. I find the cash option a bit distasteful but it's the modern way and I can see the logic behind the request... Just a bit of an etiquette minefield as you say.

BR14
27th September 2017, 11:12
wot?? - let's get married and ask everyone else to finance a nice holiday??
Foxtrot Romeo Oscar.
bloody cheek, send a cheque for 1 pence.

woohoo
27th September 2017, 11:13
Help needed on this one please as totally not my area of expertise…I have been invited to a wedding reception in a couple of weeks time, although I am not able to make it.

The wedding couple have asked for donations to their honeymoon next year. My query is whether it is the done thing to just enclose cash with the card, or should I write a cheque ?

Sorry I don't have much experience of Gypsy weddings, don't you just throw cash at em?

northernladuk
27th September 2017, 11:15
wot?? - let's get married and ask everyone else to finance a nice holiday??
Foxtrot Romeo Oscar.
bloody cheek, send a cheque for 1 pence.

But it's better than 5 god awful cheap toasters and other tasteless cheap that doesnt match a single thing. I remember everyone wailing when wedding lists at John lewisvetc etc became popular.

kaiser78
27th September 2017, 11:20
Sorry I don't have much experience of Gypsy weddings, don't you just throw cash at em?

I don't know, I wasn't at your wedding...:hug:

stek
27th September 2017, 11:20
How about a donation of your jizz in a cryogenic flask, better still, a pearl necklace?

Mordac
27th September 2017, 11:24
Help needed on this one please as totally not my area of expertise…I have been invited to a wedding reception in a couple of weeks time, although I am not able to make it.

The wedding couple have asked for donations to their honeymoon next year. My query is whether it is the done thing to just enclose cash with the card, or should I write a cheque ?

Send them a toaster. If you think they deserve it, you could always make it a *new* toaster...

HTH.

mattfx
27th September 2017, 11:27
Like you say, potential minefield. I would say whatever gift you may have thought to give them if you were to buy one, take the monetary value of that and pop it into a post card.

30 quid should do it.

FrontEnder
27th September 2017, 11:34
Who the **** uses cheques?

This is the 21st century, so obviously bitcoin.

meridian
27th September 2017, 11:50
Did this for our wedding, nearly 20 years ago now. Financed three months' honeymoon and travelled the world, much better than a matching duvet set.

It depends on the couple, but we didn't care if it was cash or cheque, and didn't keep any tally of who gave what (or even cared too much if the old aunts still insisted on giving the bed set). Anything was gratefully received with thanks.

SueEllen
27th September 2017, 12:02
Like you say, potential minefield. I would say whatever gift you may have thought to give them if you were to buy one, take the monetary value of that and pop it into a post card.

30 quid should do it.

I would give them a £30 Argos voucher.

Any couple who openly asks for money for themselves I don't give it to them.

However I do know people who have asked for nothing, where at least one of them comes from a cultural background where money is normally given at weddings so I happily give them money.

BR14
27th September 2017, 12:04
why should anyone give money to people just because they're stupid enough to get married?

WTFH
27th September 2017, 12:04
Was at a wedding recently where the couple are not that wealthy, but bridezilla had certain things that were required. They spent about 20k on their wedding and had nothing left for a honeymoon. But she didn’t care, she got her special day that they will be repaying for years.

Stick £20 in an envelope (or write a cheque from your company)

northernladuk
27th September 2017, 12:05
Did this for our wedding, nearly 20 years ago now. Financed three months' honeymoon and travelled the world, much better than a matching duvet set.

It depends on the couple, but we didn't care if it was cash or cheque, and didn't keep any tally of who gave what (or even cared too much if the old aunts still insisted on giving the bed set). Anything was gratefully received with thanks.

And that in my mind is how it should be. Bleeding millenials spoiling it innit.

scooterscot
27th September 2017, 12:19
A trial finders voucher or similar. No cash no cheque.

SueEllen
27th September 2017, 12:21
And that in my mind is how it should be. Bleeding millenials spoiling it innit.

Not necessarily one of my siblings was complaining about one of his mates getting married again

northernladuk
27th September 2017, 12:40
Not necessarily one of my siblings was complaining about one of his mates getting married again

Nothing wrong with getting married again, just asking for money to pay for something else they can't afford a deposit checking who's given what. Maybe I should start offering honeymoons on a lease to them.

SueEllen
27th September 2017, 12:47
A trial finders voucher or similar. No cash no cheque.

Nah don't do that.

Problem with trial finders is people can often find flights cheaper.

You are better of just getting them a voucher from a generic high street shop where they can buy something hence my mention of Argos. Though other people go to department stores e.g. John Lewis, Debenhams if they don't dislike the people.

FrontEnder
27th September 2017, 12:53
I would give them a £30 Argos voucher.

Any couple who openly asks for money for themselves I don't give it to them.

This is really petty.

If someone has a wedding list, do you just deliberately buy them something not on the list?

WTFH
27th September 2017, 13:03
The Wife (tm) and I may have to renew our vows as she’s broken a couple of the Denby bowls and I’d like someone to buy us new ones.

BrilloPad
27th September 2017, 13:12
The Wife (tm) and I may have to renew our vows as she’s broken a couple of the Denby bowls and I’d like someone to buy us new ones.

What did you do to cause them to throw the bowls at you?

I can't wait for the stag do. I will invite all those you have given infractions to over the years.....

SueEllen
27th September 2017, 13:16
This is really petty.

The only people who have done that are relations - and it was only one. My friends and acquaintances have manners.



If someone has a wedding list, do you just deliberately buy them something not on the list?
Nah I try to get to the wedding list first.

BrilloPad
27th September 2017, 13:19
But it's better than 5 god awful cheap toasters and other tasteless cheap that doesnt match a single thing. I remember everyone wailing when wedding lists at John lewisvetc etc became popular.

I never needed any of that tat at either wedding.

First one was abroad - just the two of us.

Second one we asked for charity donations.

Now, which "wit" is going to ask about the other 10 weddings?

I think I need funding for a divorce anyway....

BrilloPad
27th September 2017, 13:20
My friends and acquaintances have manners.


Your CUK friends don't....

ladymuck
27th September 2017, 13:41
Your CUK friends don't....

CUK friends? Now there's an oxymoron

ladymuck
27th September 2017, 13:43
In answer to the OP. I would consider how much I would genuinely spend on a gift and just pop the cash in a card. You don't have to reference the cash in the card, keep that to generic "congratulations on your big day, sorry I can't be there"

There was something in the news recently where a couple were charging £150 for people to attend their wedding

NotAllThere
27th September 2017, 13:51
why should anyone give money to people just because they're stupid enough to get married?Why should any give gifts to people just because it's their birthday, or it's the 25th of December? :ohwell

There's no tricky etiquette here. If either one of the couple are friends of yours, then give them cash, a cheque, or pay directly into their account - up to the amount you want to spend. If they're only passing acquaintances, then don't feel obliged to give anything, especially if you're not going to turn up for the booze and food etc.

If a couple are already well flush, then I think giving nothing is fine, if you don't want to. The original idea of wedding gifts was to help the young couple set up in life. Not fund a holiday they can well afford themselves.


...What about the other ten weddings?

kaiser78
27th September 2017, 13:52
Extending on from my original query, do I just include the cheque (if not cash) inside the card, or should this be put into another envelope and/or with a gift message inside the card ?

original PM
27th September 2017, 13:54
Extending on from my original query, do I just include the cheque (if not cash) inside the card, or should this be put into another envelope and/or with a gift message inside the card ?

Just bung it in the card.

If they are decent people they will just be grateful.

If they are ******* then who gives a **** what they think.

Mordac
27th September 2017, 13:55
What did you do to cause them to throw the bowls at you?

I can't wait for the stag do. I will invite all those you have given infractions to over the years.....

I try to avoid "middle-aged" stag do's these days. Some want to go clubbing (I'm too old), Spearmint Rhino is pointless now we have the internet, and the idea of a golf weekend on the Algarve fills me with a deep sense of gloom. Frankly, I'd rather have some typhoid.
So if it's none of those, count me in. Do I need to bring a copy of my infraction or do you keep them on file? :wink

NotAllThere
27th September 2017, 13:58
Do I need to bring a copy of my infraction or do you keep them on file? :winkIt's on file.

zeitghost
27th September 2017, 14:56
Thankfully ZeitSis specified "no presents" in the wedding invite, much to Zeity's relief. :smokin

Anyway they've got a fecking sight more money than I have. :eyes

greenlake
27th September 2017, 15:19
The wedding couple have asked for donations to their honeymoon next year. My query is whether it is the done thing to just enclose cash with the card, or should I write a cheque ?

http://i.imgur.com/hDgrXQ1.jpg

SueEllen
27th September 2017, 15:22
http://i.imgur.com/hDgrXQ1.jpg

Though wouldn't be better to give them the empty coin bottle with the word "Money box" printed on it?

SueEllen
27th September 2017, 15:25
Extending on from my original query, do I just include the cheque (if not cash) inside the card, or should this be put into another envelope and/or with a gift message inside the card ?

If you can drop it off in person put cash in it e.g. put it through their own or their parents' letter box.

That way you avoid the modern issue over names and who to write the cheque to.

greenlake
27th September 2017, 15:27
Though wouldn't be better to give them the empty coin bottle with the word "Money box" printed on it?

Might as well just give them one of these (and a tube of superglue)....

http://i.imgur.com/NphoJqt.jpg

vetran
27th September 2017, 18:48
why should anyone give money to people just because they're stupid enough to get married?

works for ex Mrs BP!

NotAllThere
27th September 2017, 19:12
Might as well just give them one of these (and a tube of superglue)....

http://i.imgur.com/NphoJqt.jpgPut the superglue inside. But no cash of course...

BrilloPad
27th September 2017, 19:51
I try to avoid "middle-aged" stag do's these days. Some want to go clubbing (I'm too old), Spearmint Rhino is pointless now we have the internet, and the idea of a golf weekend on the Algarve fills me with a deep sense of gloom. Frankly, I'd rather have some typhoid.
So if it's none of those, count me in. Do I need to bring a copy of my infraction or do you keep them on file? :wink

I won't actually check infractions. Anyone who wants to go mod-bashing is welcome.

The first step will be covering him head to foot with gel wrappers. Then the real fun starts.....

BR14
27th September 2017, 20:20
I won't actually check infractions. Anyone who wants to go mod-bashing is welcome.

The first step will be covering him head to foot with gel wrappers. Then the real fun starts.....
have you engaged with any mental health professionals? - they may be able to fix that.

NigelJK
28th September 2017, 07:35
IIRC Traditional etiquette is that the best man pays for the honeymoon.

SimonMac
28th September 2017, 07:39
BBC Radio 4 - More or Less: Behind the Stats, WS More or Less: Wedding gift economics (http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p0483ryr)

WTFH
28th September 2017, 07:41
IIRC Traditional etiquette is that the best man pays for the honeymoon.

That explains why Brillo has asked me to keep one day free every other year for the next decade.

ladymuck
28th September 2017, 07:49
Extending on from my original query, do I just include the cheque (if not cash) inside the card, or should this be put into another envelope and/or with a gift message inside the card ?


In answer to the OP. I would consider how much I would genuinely spend on a gift and just pop the cash in a card. You don't have to reference the cash in the card, keep that to generic "congratulations on your big day, sorry I can't be there"

There was something in the news recently where a couple were charging £150 for people to attend their wedding

Seeing as you missed it

psychocandy
28th September 2017, 09:31
Not seen that before - donations to pay for their "holiday" sod that.

Then again I dont agree with that idea that you bring people something back from holiday. Total crap. Mrs family are well into it. As you know we got to florida a lot and some of her family actually say "can you get me that?". No offer of payment they expect it as a present.

They're a bit of a jealous lot mind. I reckon part of their idea is "well you're lucky to be going on holiday so least you can do is buy me something".

northernladuk
28th September 2017, 09:48
Not seen that before - donations to pay for their "holiday" sod that.

Then again I dont agree with that idea that you bring people something back from holiday. Total crap. Mrs family are well into it. As you know we got to florida a lot and some of her family actually say "can you get me that?". No offer of payment they expect it as a present.

They're a bit of a jealous lot mind. I reckon part of their idea is "well you're lucky to be going on holiday so least you can do is buy me something".

It's a weird one isn't it. It's always a pain I the arse knowing what to buy them. I despise buying people stuff that I know they won't really want so they give what appears to be an easy option but that rubs people up even more. You'd think it would be preferable to the hassle buying something but it causes so much angst.

psychocandy
28th September 2017, 09:52
It's a weird one isn't it. It's always a pain I the arse knowing what to buy them. I despise buying people stuff that I know they won't really want so they give what appears to be an easy option but that rubs people up even more. You'd think it would be preferable to the hassle buying something but it causes so much angst.

I guess in the old days people wouldnt have lived together before marriage so they needed shedloads of stuff.

We lived together but still needed loads of stuff cos we were skint (21 years ago). Don't people use wedding lists these days?

SueEllen
28th September 2017, 09:57
I guess in the old days people wouldnt have lived together before marriage so they needed shedloads of stuff.

We lived together but still needed loads of stuff cos we were skint (21 years ago). Don't people use wedding lists these days?

Yeah they do.

Though the nice people:
1. Get married in the UK
2. Don't ask for money or gifts
3. Don't charge you to come to the wedding

This is because they know being a guest is expensive.

They then get people giving get them worthwhile gifts, or money with happiness.

northernladyuk
28th September 2017, 10:40
a cheque to Mr. & Mrs. Surname.
That way they have to go and open a joint bank account. Isn't that romantic?

NO! We ended up with a nightmare because of that (and it's dependent on changing name as well).

kaiser78
28th September 2017, 13:20
Help needed on this one please as totally not my area of expertise…I have been invited to a wedding reception in a couple of weeks time, although I am not able to make it.

The wedding couple have asked for donations to their honeymoon next year. My query is whether it is the done thing to just enclose cash with the card, or should I write a cheque ?

All sorted - will send a card with cheque enclosed made payable to groom only, as I will send it in advance of the wedding next month.

BrilloPad
28th September 2017, 13:26
All sorted - will send a card with cheque enclosed made payable to groom only, as I will send it in advance of the wedding next month.

In preparation for divorce you should have sent 2 cheques for 50%. One to the couple and one to their lawyers.

northernladuk
28th September 2017, 13:28
NO! We ended up with a nightmare because of that (and it's dependent on changing name as well).

Only because you changed your name to Mr & Mrs Surname and pocketed the lot.

BrilloPad
28th September 2017, 13:30
Only because you changed your name to Mr & Mrs Surname and pocketed the lot.

"pocketed"? Is that the urban dictionary term for a sex change operation?