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SimonMac
11th December 2018, 09:11
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-7-years-contracting-led-me-attempt-take-my-own-life-ottaway

Too many commonalities with my own contracting career

Andy2
11th December 2018, 09:30
Bedwetter

NotAllThere
11th December 2018, 09:35
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-7-years-contracting-led-me-attempt-take-my-own-life-ottaway

Too many commonalities with my own contracting career

Few with mine.

SimonMac
11th December 2018, 09:46
Bedwetter

"Sea of egos" "toxic environment"

It's almost like the article was written about CUK

xoggoth
11th December 2018, 09:47
Hmmm. Going to different places was summit I liked about contracting. Maybe my younger backpacking days prepared me for it.

TwoWolves
11th December 2018, 09:53
**No longer working UX/UR or contract roles - making career change**

Who knew UX was so competitive?

I refuse to take work more than 1.5 hours from home, that's key.

TwoWolves
11th December 2018, 09:54
"Sea of egos" "toxic environment"

It's almost like the article was written about CUK

I think we can guess who.

Eirikur
11th December 2018, 10:09
1. I do not recognise anything in that story, I stay away a lot as well, but never get drunk or use drugs
2. She is clearly ncotbac
3. OP your real name is in the comments section of that post (in case you care)

cojak
11th December 2018, 10:21
Taking up a hobby keeps me sane, I take my drawing and watercolour tools with me everywhere these days.

milanbenes
11th December 2018, 10:24
speechless

ffs

become an employee then if that makes you happy

it's a free world

Milan.

GJABS
11th December 2018, 10:35
I think the problem is that they took their role too seriously, and was projecting the clients' inadequacies onto their own. Never let a gig get you down! Laugh in the face of their foolishness! Piss upon their pretentions, and then forget about their follies.

cojak
11th December 2018, 10:37
I think the problem is that they took their role too seriously, and was projecting the clients' inadequacies onto their own. Never let a gig get you down! Laugh in the face of their foolishness! Piss upon their pretentions, and then forget about their follies.

I follow eek’s advice these days, I’m here for the entertainment as much as the money.

original PM
11th December 2018, 10:44
I think the problem is that they took their role too seriously, and was projecting the clients' inadequacies onto their own. Never let a gig get you down! Laugh in the face of their foolishness! Piss upon their pretentions, and then forget about their follies.

You can apply that to permie work as well.

People who get to the top are quite happy to lie, cheat and effectively do anything they can to put more money in their own pocket.

Just accept it or it will just frustrate you that all those good morals you were taught as a child are actually worth nothing and being a lying cheating backstabbing **** is actually the best option.

northernladuk
11th December 2018, 10:49
Very difficult to comment on this. There is plenty in there up for discussion but when it's linked to a truly awful situation of mental health and even suicide it's a tough call to make objective observations on the poor lady's situation.

eek
11th December 2018, 11:02
I think the problem is that they took their role too seriously, and was projecting the clients' inadequacies onto their own. Never let a gig get you down! Laugh in the face of their foolishness! Piss upon their pretentions, and then forget about their follies.

It's hard though and even I should have done it earlier this year and I didn't do it early enough. I was being professional so was going to stay until the end of the agreed contract and really, really shouldn't have bothered (as they definitely weren't and aren't).

I also think it depends on how much you earn and spend. I can easily tell people where to go as I don't need the cash, but I suspect the original linkedIn poster wasn't in a position to do so as demonstrated by the Original PM's comment above where people cannot afford to walk away.

milanbenes
11th December 2018, 11:02
Very difficult to comment on this. There is plenty in there up for discussion but when it's linked to a truly awful situation of mental health and even suicide it's a tough call to make objective observations on the poor lady's situation.

true and it is a sad story, but in any situation in life, if it is doing your head in then stop doing it

simples

Milan.

OwlHoot
11th December 2018, 11:32
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-7-years-contracting-led-me-attempt-take-my-own-life-ottaway

Too many commonalities with my own contracting career

From the article



the experiences I’ve been through contracting over the last 7 years – many of which have been in the Government space.

Ah right, so she was contracting in the Public Sector. That explains a lot :suicide:

psychocandy
11th December 2018, 11:36
Bedwetter

Are you really that immature?

psychocandy
11th December 2018, 11:39
Some of the comments from supposedly mature, intelligent people on here really do defy belief.....

Some of you need to google a bit methinks... But in case you can't be bothered.

1) No-one wants to experience mental illlness believe me.
2) It really is completely, absolutely shite.
3) Its not as easy as "pulling your socks up", "getting a grip"

Honestly, not that I would wish on my worse enemy, but some of you need to open your eyes a bit and see what goes on.

Zigenare
11th December 2018, 11:45
Some of the comments from supposedly mature, intelligent people on here really do defy belief.....

Some of you need to google a bit methinks... But in case you can't be bothered.

1) No-one wants to experience mental illlness believe me.
2) It really is completely, absolutely tulipe.
3) Its not as easy as "pulling your socks up", "getting a grip"

Honestly, not that I would wish on my worse enemy, but some of you need to open your eyes a bit and see what goes on.

Will someone remind me, who was it that won "the CUK Virtue Signalling award for 2018"?

MonkeysUncle
11th December 2018, 11:50
I think the problem is that they took their role too seriously, and was projecting the clients' inadequacies onto their own. Never let a gig get you down! Laugh in the face of their foolishness! Piss upon their pretentions, and then forget about their follies.

This.
One of reasons I was attracted to contracting in the first place was being able to get away from the office politics and bureaucracy. A gig is a gig. You are brought in to deliver a product/service and if you being blocked by factors outside of your control then that sits with your client. You cant take it home with you.
Granted that's sometimes easier said than done and every situation is different.

When I first started working in IT, my then manager said something to me that really stuck. He said one of the hardest things to do is go to a restaurant by yourself, sit down, order, eat, and enjoy your meal.
Not worry what other diners are going to think, not worry that you might look odd eating at a nice restaurant by yourself and not just buying a takeout and hide out in your hotel room.

This might sound par for the course for most contractors and very easy to do but it actually took me a while to build up to do this.
It helped though to build up my sanity and confidence for those gig where I was away from home on my tod

northernladuk
11th December 2018, 11:51
3) Its not as easy as "pulling your socks up", "getting a grip"
.

Absolutely right on all points there.

The problem is discussing the situation that lead to this. One of the major points that many of us went contracting for was the flexibility and ability to be in charge of our own destiny. We can walk away from bad gigs and sit on the bench until something we like comes along. Something has gone wrong with this poor lady and that's not happened. There is no evidence as to why so it's hard for us to understand the situation.

Simon has put it up for discussion and some people just don't get it so there's going to be some pretty tough lines. She says she not up for sympathy so maybe you've got to shelve that bit and talk about the situation.

Personally I really don't like the type of post she put up for so many reasons, but I guess however many sympathy/flame posts that go on, if it helps one person, or even the OP just for writing it down then fair enough. Certainly not something I would do though.

TwoWolves
11th December 2018, 12:09
Absolutely right on all points there.

The problem is discussing the situation that lead to this. One of the major points that many of us went contracting for was the flexibility and ability to be in charge of our own destiny. We can walk away from bad gigs and sit on the bench until something we like comes along. Something has gone wrong with this poor lady and that's not happened. There is no evidence as to why so it's hard for us to understand the situation.

Simon has put it up for discussion and some people just don't get it so there's going to be some pretty tough lines. She says she not up for sympathy so maybe you've got to shelve that bit and talk about the situation.

Personally I really don't like the type of post she put up for so many reasons, but I guess however many sympathy/flame posts that go on, if it helps one person, or even the OP just for writing it down then fair enough. Certainly not something I would do though.

Probably what was going wrong was that the rate wasn't high enough for her to just walk away and sit on the bench.

Public sector rates are often lower and in my experience replete with bullying as the incompetent fight to keep the competent from "showing them up".

northernladuk
11th December 2018, 12:18
Probably what was going wrong was that the rate wasn't high enough for her to just walk away and sit on the bench.

Public sector rates are often lower and in my experience replete with bullying as the incompetent fight to keep the competent from "showing them up".

I suspect it's a lot more complicated than that and the only way to try understand it is to pull the situation apart. Unfortunately that would mean looking at the lady's thinking and actions which is not something I'm willing to do bearing in mind what's happened.

BlueSharp
11th December 2018, 12:20
Younger me emphasis with her predicament and the feeling of being trapped by it; the public sector and 3rd sector is a hot bed of politics and envy, where if they were a business they would of gone bust. Older me would bill, smile and recognise these factors are beyond my control while looking for another contract. I left a gig for my own sanity on a project which was death march through and through, best contracting decision I have ever made. I went contracting to avoid tulips and tulip projects.

Paddy
11th December 2018, 12:52
Who knew UX was so competitive?

I refuse to take work more than 1.5 hours from home, that's key.

Wimp!

Hobosapien
11th December 2018, 12:59
Personally I really don't like the type of post she put up for so many reasons, but I guess however many sympathy/flame posts that go on, if it helps one person, or even the OP just for writing it down then fair enough. Certainly not something I would do though.

I think permies coming on here looking for advice about contracting can get some insight about the potential extreme disadvantages of contracting by reading that, and maybe relate to some of it from their current workplace to show that contracting isn't necessarily going to allow them to escape whatever they think is worth leaving permiedom for.

Certainly the awful commuting or staying in hotels for an extended period has been something I've tried to avoid, most simply by not taking contracts within the M25 (as I don't live near enough to make it work well enough for me) or by renting even short term to make temporary relocation near client more like home from home even if only between Monday and Friday. I'd rather incur the extra cost against future profit than chase every £ at risk of being unhappy about the quality of life. Work to live, especially if it means not really having to work that hard. :smokin

Platypus
11th December 2018, 13:07
3. OP your real name is in the comments section of that post (in case you care)

I see the real name of another poster who used to be on here, before they were hounded off as a sockie under a torrent of abuse :ohwell

woohoo
11th December 2018, 13:13
I don’t believe contracting was at fault. Her personality is at fault and isn’t suited to contracting. Not that I recognise much of her description of contracting, doesn’t tie in with my experience.

The one thing I’ve liked about contracting is that if I hate the company, client or work I can leave at the end of the contract. I can try somewhere else. I’m getting better at recognising clients that are not going to be enjoyable.

sasguru
11th December 2018, 14:05
I don’t believe contracting was at fault. Her personality is at fault and isn’t suited to contracting. Not that I recognise much of her description of contracting, doesn’t tie in with my experience.

The one thing I’ve liked about contracting is that if I hate the company, client or work I can leave at the end of the contract. I can try somewhere else. I’m getting better at recognising clients that are not going to be enjoyable.

Not often I agree with woohoo :tongue but this.
Oh, and I've never had a public sector contract, which probably helps.

GJABS
11th December 2018, 14:16
Oh, and I've never had a public sector contract, which probably helps.

Oh you should try one - the entertainment value is priceless..

fullyautomatix
11th December 2018, 15:33
I see the real name of another poster who used to be on here, before they were hounded off as a sockie under a torrent of abuse :ohwell

I can see it now, Gentile? Never understood why she got banned. Meantime gittinsgal continues sockying on CUK with gay abandon.

TwoWolves
11th December 2018, 16:13
Oh you should try one - the entertainment value is priceless..

I admire your ability to see the humor.

woohoo
11th December 2018, 16:28
Not often I agree with woohoo :tongue but this.


Oh gawd, I knew getting married would change me but this bad...sharing the same opinion as sasy.

NotAllThere
11th December 2018, 16:37
1) No-one wants to experience mental illness believe me.
2) It really is completely, absolutely tulipe.
3) Its not as easy as "pulling your socks up", "getting a grip".This is true and not virtue signalling. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Not even Zigenare :ohwell.

As far as I can see, she made several classic mistakes that made her more likely to fall into the grip of mental illness. Furthermore, there's every chance that had she been a permie in a crap organisation she'd have had the same problems.

When I was on a govt contract with nothing to do, I got really good at the Times crossword.


He said one of the hardest things to do is go to a restaurant by yourself, sit down, order, eat, and enjoy your meal.Never had a problem with that. I just take a good book along with me. Or nowadays, watch a film.

vetran
11th December 2018, 23:28
sad she got there but as already mentioned its not contracting its the combination of a bad situation without support.

My experience of HR is that they are to protect the company and most work colleagues need the job more than a friend - luckily there are exceptions.

chopper
12th December 2018, 01:08
I refuse to take work more than 1.5 hours from home, that's key.

This.

I recently left a contract which was 100% WFH (as the client indicated the project had an imminent end date) and moved to one which was 30 miles from home. Which, as it transpired, was a minimum 1.5 hours drive in the morning - and often more than 2 hours. And they had a very rigid "4 days in the office" policy.

That quickly turned to mush. I'd turn up to the office stressed and late because of the traffic, and trying to get the kids out of the house on time in the morning, and of course the stress about then being able to leave at a suitable time in the evening to avoid the worst of the homebound traffic, and to do the evening things with the kids and maintain my own personal hobbies.

So when my former "100% WFH" client called and asked if I wanted to go back, it was a no brainer, and back I went.

It is moronic that people would travel that sort of distance and suffer that sort of traffic, especially in my line of work where it really doesn't matter where I do it. I do contracting because the type of work that *proper* contracting does really suits me and it has allowed me to maintain a decent work/life balance. The sudden upset to that balance by spending 3-4 hours a day sat in the car had a very negative impact.

psychocandy
12th December 2018, 09:22
I don’t believe contracting was at fault. Her personality is at fault and isn’t suited to contracting. Not that I recognise much of her description of contracting, doesn’t tie in with my experience.

The one thing I’ve liked about contracting is that if I hate the company, client or work I can leave at the end of the contract. I can try somewhere else. I’m getting better at recognising clients that are not going to be enjoyable.

Mate of mine broke his leg the other day. Told him "Its your fault for having a leg like that, not suited to getting hit by buses"

vwdan
12th December 2018, 09:52
Mate of mine broke his leg the other day. Told him "Its your fault for having a leg like that, not suited to getting hit by buses"

I can see where you're getting at, and I think there was some bad phrasing there - but contracting isn't suited to everyone and it's never going to be.

It requires a certain personality and a certain view on life. Take the point in the article about staying away in industrial estates - I've been there, done that for months on end. Didn't bother me - I justified getting a nicer hotel and did a lot of running (Literally 10 - 15 miles 2 or 3 times a work week). There are negative aspects to staying away from home, of course, but I've done it since 2011 and I don't think it's ever really got me down.

I mean, look at this:



I was first introduced to the substance in 2014. I was traveling to and from London each week, staying in noisy hotels and burning the candle at both ends. A gruelling 3:50am start on a Monday morning to return home at midnight on a Friday – I was struggling. I was introduced to a solution that very quickly became my best friend.


There's no job that would ever push me to come close to a schedule like that - ****s sake, I use a 6am start as an excuse to get First Class. Stay over FFS and if you can't or can't justify staying over then the gig is wrong.

The whole Sea of Egos paragraph doesn't jive with anything I've seen in contracting or consultancy, but then the only public sector I've done is Education. That "Turning up to the hotel" bit just astounded me - there's not a person who knows me who'd have the bollocks to pull that off. You're in business, a part of that is maintaining a level of authority and confidence over your own time and what's been asked of you.

I feel for her, I sincerely do - but I think it's clear that she has underlying issues and the slightly negative sides of contracting make those so much worse.

I also think it's why having a decent warchest is so so important - you should be doing everything in your power to never be in a situation where you don't feel you can walk away.

psychocandy
12th December 2018, 10:45
vmdan - you're right of course.

A "normal" (in the sense of not prone to mental stuff) person won't be that bothered about being in a hotel all alone. Just maybe a bit wassed off.

Same with allowing someone to show up at the hotel to drag them into office. I'm sure 99.9% of us would not put up with that. They'd have to physically drag me!

Same with stupid travel schedules and arseholes in the office. Change the travel, ignore the twats or go and work elsewhere.

But you don't think straight. You think you're going to be OK and then you're not. You're then "stuck" in the situation.

I've got a low tolerance to working in unfriendly environments and a low tolerance to staying away on my own. I know that. Most contractors will suck it up on both fronts. I've tried but its made me ill.

Probably cost me thousands over the years turning down gigs away from home or leaving well paid gigs with a bad environment.

But it is what it is. Last few gigs have been pretty long term, able to travel home every night (current one is 13 miles), and, on a personal level, people have been good. Current gig is public sector, boring as hell, money is ok but I could get double in London easily but never gonna happen because I've known the hell it can be for me personally.

GreenMirror
12th December 2018, 10:56
Some of the comments from supposedly mature, intelligent people on here really do defy belief.....

Some of you need to google a bit methinks... But in case you can't be bothered.

1) No-one wants to experience mental illlness believe me.
2) It really is completely, absolutely tulipe.
3) Its not as easy as "pulling your socks up", "getting a grip"

Honestly, not that I would wish on my worse enemy, but some of you need to open your eyes a bit and see what goes on.

What I can't believe is you started a thread having a pop at someone who is trying to help people with mental health issues.

SueEllen
12th December 2018, 11:56
From the article



Ah right, so she was contracting in the Public Sector. That explains a lot :suicide:The problem she had is that she hadn't learnt when to call it a day. One reason I get my contracts properly reviewed is if any client, regardless of sector, tries to pull those stunts I can walk out and I have done.

vwdan
12th December 2018, 12:05
But you don't think straight. You think you're going to be OK and then you're not. You're then "stuck" in the situation.


No doubt, and I certainly meant no slight on her - it's just that I think her "attack" (It's not really, but you know what I mean) on contracting is misguided. Contracting and the contracting lifestyle isn't the problem - it's that her personality just isn't suited to it. Ignoring the frankly bizarre bits of her story (I'm not doubting them, they just aren't typical), many of the things she hates is an environment where many thrive.



I've got a low tolerance to working in unfriendly environments and a low tolerance to staying away on my own. I know that. Most contractors will suck it up on both fronts. I've tried but its made me ill.

Totally, and I think part of being a grown up is knowing what you do and don't enjoy and dealing with that accordingly. You've made contracting work for you by avoiding things you know you won't like - but, for example, it's clear that you'd hate any form of consulting role. And that's fine - it doesn't mean every consulting job is awful, just that it's really not for somebody who doesn't want to stay away and put up with the occasional crap office. Personally, I'd never ever work for a "Big" consultancy because I think they're awful.

I think there are somewhat toxic and bad elements in any industry and it's good to speak about them - I just feel her view is clouded by the fact that she, herself, is not equipped for this work. Personally, I don't think I've ever been less stressed in work as I have as a contractor - my "mistake" the other year was taking a permie job. Hated every minute and was so happy handing in my notice and driving off wit no job to go to :D

For what it's worth, I have absolutely been negatively affected by bad environments. I'm not pretending to be immune - my current contract has definitely got me down in some ways for a variety of boring reasons, but nowhere near anything even alluded to in her post and I'd just leave if it did.

WLB2018
12th December 2018, 12:38
I really feel for this lady and I am so glad she was unsuccessful at her attempt.

My view; given the limited insight we have is that these issues were deeply rooted within her and her contacting experience didn't help that, but mental health issues can and do affect anyone irrespective of what job, walk of life or general situation in life.

Admitting you have a problem and seeking out help and advice is the obvious way forward, but coming to terms with that isn't always that simple. I know people who have suffered from various forms of substance abuse and have not even realised the impact it was having, people like that need an intervention.

I hope she gets more help and can work towards overcoming her issues, I just hope people do not read that article and believe all contracts encounter the same issues and to that level!

I love being a contractor, for me the advantages/positives outweigh the disadvantages/negatives. Each to their own I guess.

WLB

psychocandy
12th December 2018, 13:46
What I can't believe is you started a thread having a pop at someone who is trying to help people with mental health issues.

Ummm, I didn't start the thread and I'm only having a go at some of the stupid, inconsiderate comments that are NOT helping people.

Read the thread again.

Old Greg
12th December 2018, 14:09
Ummm, I didn't start the thread and I'm only having a go at some of the stupid, inconsiderate comments that are NOT helping people.

Read the thread again.

I think the suggestion is that webberg is a mental health support worker.

GreenMirror
12th December 2018, 14:11
I think the suggestion is that webberg is a mental health support worker.

In what way is that wrong?

Old Greg
12th December 2018, 14:13
In what way is that wrong?

He isn't a mental health support worker.

psychocandy
13th December 2018, 08:40
I think the suggestion is that webberg is a mental health support worker.

Wheres webberg come into it?

My comments were aimed mainly at posters like Andy2.

MarillionFan
13th December 2018, 21:32
Bedwetter

Cheeky.

MarillionFan
13th December 2018, 21:56
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-7-years-contracting-led-me-attempt-take-my-own-life-ottaway

Too many commonalities with my own contracting career

Just her, you and me then by the looks of it.

Whereas I think it's unfair to target contracting per-se there is something to be said around expectation and staying away.

A few years ago I was flying high. Director in one of the leading tech companies in the world multiple 100k salary and shares to boot.
I was travelling the world, working damn hard and staying away.

After a number of years the stress was so bad I was having panic attacks daily. As everything was a free bar or I was on a different time zone I was caning it day in and day out. At the weekend I would have a bottle of whiskey in the hotel room and work all of it as well as numerous bottles of wine, beer over the week. I then collapsed getting out of a taxi in the US. The next day I passed out and fell down a flight of stairs. I became paranoid and was convinced everyone was out to get me ( I was of course right in one case). So I quit. I left over a million pounds on the table and quit.

After a summer off I managed to get a contract out of the limelight. No stress, easy work, travel was a bit of a pain. I was still stressed. I wasn't passing out, but I was still incredibly stressed. I was still travelling but not as far and staying in hotels. I was still drinking, up to a couple of bottles of wine a night either at home or away, plus a bottle of whiskey a week.

Four months ago I started having panic attacks more frequently. When driving, when walking around town but now getting flashbacks, severe anxiety, palpitations to the point where I asked for help to get a referral to see someone. Two weeks ago I managed to lose two of my closest friends after drinking to excess when I was anxious.

I've walked away from jobs in the last few years siting stress. It's not the jobs. I have never been more than a couple of days without a drink in 30 years. I stopped drinking 11 days ago. It can catch you unawares.

The panic attacks have stopped and I'm now able to concentrate much better. I shall not be coming to the Xmas party, though have a drink for me as I'm gagging for one. :emb

xoggoth
13th December 2018, 22:34
Brave of you to tell us all that MF. Maybe people would feel less stressed if they knew others went through it too. We all put on a brave face.

Fortunately, my own really bad years like that were decades ago but I know what it's like.

Old Greg
13th December 2018, 23:00
Just her, you and me then by the looks of it.

Whereas I think it's unfair to target contracting per-se there is something to be said around expectation and staying away.

A few years ago I was flying high. Director in one of the leading tech companies in the world multiple 100k salary and shares to boot.
I was travelling the world, working damn hard and staying away.

After a number of years the stress was so bad I was having panic attacks daily. As everything was a free bar or I was on a different time zone I was caning it day in and day out. At the weekend I would have a bottle of whiskey in the hotel room and work all of it as well as numerous bottles of wine, beer over the week. I then collapsed getting out of a taxi in the US. The next day I passed out and fell down a flight of stairs. I became paranoid and was convinced everyone was out to get me ( I was of course right in one case). So I quit. I left over a million pounds on the table and quit.

After a summer off I managed to get a contract out of the limelight. No stress, easy work, travel was a bit of a pain. I was still stressed. I wasn't passing out, but I was still incredibly stressed. I was still travelling but not as far and staying in hotels. I was still drinking, up to a couple of bottles of wine a night either at home or away, plus a bottle of whiskey a week.

Four months ago I started having panic attacks more frequently. When driving, when walking around town but now getting flashbacks, severe anxiety, palpitations to the point where I asked for help to get a referral to see someone. Two weeks ago I managed to lose two of my closest friends after drinking to excess when I was anxious.

I've walked away from jobs in the last few years siting stress. It's not the jobs. I have never been more than a couple of days without a drink in 30 years. I stopped drinking 11 days ago. It can catch you unawares.

The panic attacks have stopped and I'm now able to concentrate much better. I shall not be coming to the Xmas party, though have a drink for me as I'm gagging for one. :emb

Life is too short for shit. Well done.

NorthWestPerm2Contr
14th December 2018, 09:44
Well and truly baffled by this.

The thought of perm makes me want to commit suicide, let alone actually leaving contracting to go into perm.

9 years a contractor and wouldn't change it for anything.

d000hg
14th December 2018, 12:29
Who knew UX was so competitive?

I refuse to take work more than 1.5 hours from home, that's key.I WFH too, and agree about 1.5 hours a day is a good amount.

I just need to test it
16th December 2018, 07:30
I’m fifteen weeks into a perm gig after 20 years of contracting.

My dilemma is that there’s barely any work within 90 minutes of home, and due to elderly relatives, relocation is not currently an option.

I loved contracting. There were downsides, of course, compromises. Occasionally the thought would cross my mind while squeezed into a tiny hotel toilet that I could die there, far from home, and my wife didn’t even know which hotel I was in. But there’d be cash in my account to pay for a nice casket.

Anyhow, I took the one perm role that existed within 45 minutes of home. The money is palatable, but Christ alive the (government) job itself is beyond the pale. Instead of sitting on the bog contemplating my demise I’m bending my wife’s ear about how awful work is.

The answer, I feel, is contracting but for maybe six months per annum. That way I’ve a fifty-fifty chance of dying on my own toilet.

vetran
16th December 2018, 18:21
Just her, you and me then by the looks of it.

Whereas I think it's unfair to target contracting per-se there is something to be said around expectation and staying away.

A few years ago I was flying high. Director in one of the leading tech companies in the world multiple 100k salary and shares to boot.
I was travelling the world, working damn hard and staying away.

After a number of years the stress was so bad I was having panic attacks daily. As everything was a free bar or I was on a different time zone I was caning it day in and day out. At the weekend I would have a bottle of whiskey in the hotel room and work all of it as well as numerous bottles of wine, beer over the week. I then collapsed getting out of a taxi in the US. The next day I passed out and fell down a flight of stairs. I became paranoid and was convinced everyone was out to get me ( I was of course right in one case). So I quit. I left over a million pounds on the table and quit.

After a summer off I managed to get a contract out of the limelight. No stress, easy work, travel was a bit of a pain. I was still stressed. I wasn't passing out, but I was still incredibly stressed. I was still travelling but not as far and staying in hotels. I was still drinking, up to a couple of bottles of wine a night either at home or away, plus a bottle of whiskey a week.

Four months ago I started having panic attacks more frequently. When driving, when walking around town but now getting flashbacks, severe anxiety, palpitations to the point where I asked for help to get a referral to see someone. Two weeks ago I managed to lose two of my closest friends after drinking to excess when I was anxious.

I've walked away from jobs in the last few years siting stress. It's not the jobs. I have never been more than a couple of days without a drink in 30 years. I stopped drinking 11 days ago. It can catch you unawares.

The panic attacks have stopped and I'm now able to concentrate much better. I shall not be coming to the Xmas party, though have a drink for me as I'm gagging for one. :emb

Good to hear you are getting to get to grips with it!

hope it all gets a bit better, but you know we will still take the mick chubbs?


To be read in a Lord Flasheart voice..

11 days????? my wife has had orgasms longer than that!

wait till you are baking it a birthday cake then pop round and I'll introduce you to the kids --'Yehaaah & OMFG'

:hug:manly!

TwoWolves
16th December 2018, 22:19
IThe money is palatable, but Christ alive the (government) job itself is beyond the pale. Instead of sitting on the bog contemplating my demise I’m bending my wife’s ear about how awful work is.

This is why I've been contracting for so long, it's not just government - most IT jobs are just awful.

sophieottawayuk
3rd April 2019, 16:13
Afternoon all.

I've just found these threads today as someone informed me there'd been some talk about my article over here.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and I totally respect that some people won't like my blog post. For those who think I was sympathy searching - I promise you, I'm not. I just wanted to share my experiences to help others. If that's a crime then I am sorry.

In regards to the later thread about me returning to contracting - I admit that that was an incredibly stupid thing to do. However, being in the East Yorkshire area where there is very little in the way of employment and having a moderate mortgage I have to serve alone - I needed to find some work fairly quickly. In retrospect, jumping at a contract offer in the industry that nearly killed me was an absolutely stupid idea.

However, it is really upsetting to hear people judging me who do not know me. There is mention of me not being a proper contractor and not cut out for the scene - perhaps this is true. However, please know I'm not a newbie. I've been on this scene since 2011 and have seen contract clients in every corner of this country.

I'm young, I'm 33 and I've made a lot of mistakes. I'm not looking for support but please do not take the mick out of me when you do not know me.

sophieottawayuk
3rd April 2019, 18:46
Bedwetter

Keyboard warrior!

mudskipper
3rd April 2019, 18:52
However, it is really upsetting to hear people judging me who do not know me. There is mention of me not being a proper contractor and not cut out for the scene...

Sadly, this is the CUK way. I think sometimes people forget there is an actual person with feelings and internet access behind stories like this. Kudos to you for coming along to add your views, and good luck to you going forward.

sophieottawayuk
3rd April 2019, 18:56
Sadly, this is the CUK way. I think sometimes people forget there is an actual person with feelings and internet access behind stories like this. Kudos to you for coming along to add your views, and good luck to you going forward.

Thanks Mudskipper.

Definitely! this thread wasn't too bad but when I saw the newer thread today, it really upset me. No doubt I'll be called a precious little snowflake for admitting that.

Think the attitude sums up the industry really - BRUTAL.

mudskipper
3rd April 2019, 19:00
Thanks Mudskipper.

Definitely! this thread wasn't too bad but when I saw the newer thread today, it really upset me. No doubt I'll be called a precious little snowflake for admitting that.

Think the attitude sums up the industry really - BRUTAL.

Ah, missed that one :hug:

sophieottawayuk
3rd April 2019, 19:02
Ah, missed that one :hug:

https://www.contractoruk.com/forums/general/132303-young-lady-again-2.html?highlight=sophie+ottaway

Makes for some interesting reading.

Shocked that someone was so bored they decided to write a thread about a status of mine on LinkedIn. I feel sorry for that guy. His life must be as dull as mine wasting my time replying to his stuff.

GJABS
3rd April 2019, 19:06
However, it is really upsetting to hear people judging me who do not know me.


I didn't get that impression reading the posts in this thread - I think every serious answer has been quite sympathetic with what happened to you (as am I), probably since it happens far more commonly than most people are prepared to admit.

sophieottawayuk
3rd April 2019, 19:09
I didn't get that impression reading the posts in this thread - I think every serious answer has been quite sympathetic with what happened to you (as am I), probably since it happens far more commonly than most people are prepared to admit.

Sorry GJABS - I agree with you in regards to this thread. I was more upset by Psychocandy's latest effort:

https://www.contractoruk.com/forums/general/132303-young-lady-again-2.html?highlight=sophie+ottaway

northernladuk
3rd April 2019, 19:24
Hope I'm not being rude here Sophie and I'll try be factual but there is one inescapable fact here.

You put something like you did out in the public domain and sure as eggs is eggs someone (or more) is going to post something you don't like/troll you. Being trolled about sensitive issues is almost up there with the other two absolute certainties in life. It's part of the internet I am afraid.. I'm not saying it's your fault or anything, it's just the way it is.

Now if you have been put back from your latest gig and aren't in the best place then logging on here and trying to argue it out is really the worst option you could pick. It's a faceless forum, full of all-sorts hiding behind anonymous names and sockies. You aren't going to win and are more likely to incur more of the same which is going to make you even worse. We don't know you as a person but you also don't know the people you are arguing with. PC has a very long and illustrious career of being a pillock on here for a start. You just aren't going to get anywhere arguing with him and some of the other posters that have posted things you don't like. The title of General is an indication alone.

For your own sanity and for your future recovery I'd say you need to stop reading what people are posting and most certainly don't rise to it and respond. It's going to make you worse and no one really wants that whatever they put on here.

I'm not saying this as any attack on you or with any opinion on your situation, just concerned that this is going not going to achieve anything and just make you worse. Surround yourself with friends/family and people that care and forget everything on here.

Sorry.

sophieottawayuk
3rd April 2019, 19:30
Hope I'm not being rude here Sophie and I'll try be factual but there is one inescapable fact here.

You put something like you did out in the public domain and sure as eggs is eggs someone (or more) is going to post something you don't like/troll you. Being trolled about sensitive issues is almost up there with the other two absolute certainties in life. It's part of the internet I am afraid.. I'm not saying it's your fault or anything, it's just the way it is.

Now if you have been put back from your latest gig and aren't in the best place then logging on here and trying to argue it out is really the worst option you could pick. It's a faceless forum, full of all-sorts hiding behind anonymous names and sockies. You aren't going to win and are more likely to incur more of the same which is going to make you even worse. We don't know you as a person but you also don't know the people you are arguing with. PC has a very long and illustrious career of being a pillock on here for a start. You just aren't going to get anywhere arguing with him and some of the other posters that have posted things you don't like. The title of General is an indication alone.

For your own sanity and for your future recovery I'd say you need to stop reading what people are posting and most certainly don't rise to it and respond. It's going to make you worse and no one really wants that whatever they put on here.

I'm not saying this as any attack on you or with any opinion on your situation, just concerned that this is going not going to achieve anything and just make you worse. Surround yourself with friends/family and people that care and forget everything on here.

Sorry.

Northernladuk - you talk a hell of a lot of sense. I am going to do exactly that. I shouldn't have come on here - it was the last thing I needed. I was just alerted to these threads and felt like I needed to stick up for myself.

You are so right in your assessment that there will always be trolls and if I am big enough to post controversial things on public forums / LinkedIn then I should be big enough to take the response, including those from trolls!

However, as you have very very astutely worked out - my mental health is not in a place where I should be reading this stuff and it is not going to help me. Your advice is exceptional and I'm going to take that and disappear from here for the time being.

I thank you for your kindness and honesty.

vwdan
3rd April 2019, 19:35
I thank you for your kindness

Bloody Hell NLUK, I'd get that mounted on the wall.

northernladuk
3rd April 2019, 19:37
Bloody Hell NLUK, I'd get that mounted on the wall.

I know right. Just another 38,404 acts of kindness to go to try redress the balance. :emb

SimonMac
3rd April 2019, 19:48
Keyboard warrior!

You’ve been here 5 mins and you’ve got the grasp of the place already!

Maybe you are COTBAC after all ;)

fullyautomatix
4th April 2019, 06:24
Sorry GJABS - I agree with you in regards to this thread. I was more upset by Psychocandy's latest effort:

https://www.contractoruk.com/forums/general/132303-young-lady-again-2.html?highlight=sophie+ottaway

The irony is that our PsychoCandy often posts here bemoaning his son's mental health issues. Go figure that one out.

psychocandy
4th April 2019, 08:32
Hope I'm not being rude here Sophie and I'll try be factual but there is one inescapable fact here.

You put something like you did out in the public domain and sure as eggs is eggs someone (or more) is going to post something you don't like/troll you. Being trolled about sensitive issues is almost up there with the other two absolute certainties in life. It's part of the internet I am afraid.. I'm not saying it's your fault or anything, it's just the way it is.

Now if you have been put back from your latest gig and aren't in the best place then logging on here and trying to argue it out is really the worst option you could pick. It's a faceless forum, full of all-sorts hiding behind anonymous names and sockies. You aren't going to win and are more likely to incur more of the same which is going to make you even worse. We don't know you as a person but you also don't know the people you are arguing with. PC has a very long and illustrious career of being a pillock on here for a start. You just aren't going to get anywhere arguing with him and some of the other posters that have posted things you don't like. The title of General is an indication alone.

For your own sanity and for your future recovery I'd say you need to stop reading what people are posting and most certainly don't rise to it and respond. It's going to make you worse and no one really wants that whatever they put on here.

I'm not saying this as any attack on you or with any opinion on your situation, just concerned that this is going not going to achieve anything and just make you worse. Surround yourself with friends/family and people that care and forget everything on here.

Sorry.

Cheers NLUK for that! :D

psychocandy
4th April 2019, 08:39
The irony is that our PsychoCandy often posts here bemoaning his son's mental health issues. Go figure that one out.

Obviously you are clueless. At no point have I ever had a dig at anyone about mental health issues. What I do think is a bad idea is posting on social media about it with the sort of post that was on linked in. FYI - I've got 25 years epxerience of mental health issues myself thank you.

This lady is genuine it appears. BUT how many times do you see people on facebook etc looking for sympathy for no reason? This winds me up. Got members of my own family who do it.

And of course, shes posted this for the world to see under her own name on linked in. I appreciate she may be in a bad place right now but I think this post might do her more harm than good in the future.

psychocandy
4th April 2019, 08:42
I know right. Just another 38,404 acts of kindness to go to try redress the balance. :emb

You're missing three 000s

psychocandy
4th April 2019, 08:46
OK don't want to upset Sophie so I'll see if I can delete the original post.

Sophie - thing is millions of people have seen what you posted on LinkedIn anyway. All under your own name as well. I'm guessing a lot of people (especially ones who work in the Public Sector) will have taken offence at some of the points you raised too.

Honestly, I still think posting what you did on LinkedIn was not such a good idea. I've done it in the past and wished I hadn't. Honest advice here - consider editing it a bit....

sophieottawayuk
4th April 2019, 10:34
OK don't want to upset Sophie so I'll see if I can delete the original post.

Sophie - thing is millions of people have seen what you posted on LinkedIn anyway. All under your own name as well. I'm guessing a lot of people (especially ones who work in the Public Sector) will have taken offence at some of the points you raised too.

Honestly, I still think posting what you did on LinkedIn was not such a good idea. I've done it in the past and wished I hadn't. Honest advice here - consider editing it a bit....


Lots of people have seen the post on LinkedIn but you are missing the point as to why I am upset. I'm upset because there is a whole forum unbeknown to me ripping me to absolute shreds while I'm an absolute mess at my parents house trying to work out a future for myself at a very difficult time.

I agree, the LI post was stupid. I was not in the right mind at the time but the damage is done now. It also prevents me from ever working in that industry again which is what I need because I seem incapable of not just jumping back in whenever someone calls me about a role.

I don't want to upset anyone but I also dont like people passing judgements about me and saying nasty things. At least on LI it is people's own names behind their opinions. On here you can all hide behind your keyboards having a pop at my life while I read this stuff already close to the metaphorical edge.

I shouldnt be replying, it isnt good for me but everyone has made the wrong judgement about me.

I purposefully haven't named and shamed any organisation or individual. I've also got an inbox full of stories from other contractors who have had identical experiences to me at the same set of clients.

I don't know what I was trying to achieve in posting on LI but I didnt expect it to lead to this thread there.

I'm not bothered about this forum ranking my name in the Serps - I couldn't give two hoots about that. I'm just bothered about not being able to read the nasty character defaming stuff I'm reading on this thread which you started.

DimPrawn
4th April 2019, 10:42
Lots of people have seen the post on LinkedIn but you are missing the point as to why I am upset. I'm upset because there is a whole forum unbeknown to me ripping me to absolute shreds while I'm an absolute mess at my parents house trying to work out a future for myself at a very difficult time.

I agree, the LI post was stupid. I was not in the right mind at the time but the damage is done now. It also prevents me from ever working in that industry again which is what I need because I seem incapable of not just jumping back in whenever someone calls me about a role.

I don't want to upset anyone but I also dont like people passing judgements about me and saying nasty things. At least on LI it is people's own names behind their opinions. On here you can all hide behind your keyboards having a pop at my life while I read this stuff already close to the metaphorical edge.

I shouldnt be replying, it isnt good for me but everyone has made the wrong judgement about me.

I purposefully haven't named and shamed any organisation or individual. I've also got an inbox full of stories from other contractors who have had identical experiences to me at the same set of clients.

I don't know what I was trying to achieve in posting on LI but I didnt expect it to lead to this thread there.

I'm not bothered about this forum ranking my name in the Serps - I couldn't give two hoots about that. I'm just bothered about not being able to read the nasty character defaming stuff I'm reading on this thread which you started.

Not been following this thread at all, but try to take some perspective. Seems a lot of drama there.

sophieottawayuk
4th April 2019, 10:45
Not been following this thread at all, but try to take some perspective. Seems a lot of drama there.


My upset is around the other thread "That young lady again". Some pretty nasty comments. There are also some pretty nasty people on here full stop. Why would anyone join this forum out of choice?

DimPrawn
4th April 2019, 11:00
My upset is around the other thread "That young lady again". Some pretty nasty comments. There are also some pretty nasty people on here full stop. Why would anyone join this forum out of choice?

Haven't read that one either. Yes, this place is full of nasty b@stards TBH. I suspect many weren't cuddled by their mothers.

Zigenare
4th April 2019, 11:01
Haven't read that one either. Yes, this place is full of nasty b@stards TBH. I suspect many weren't cuddled by their mothers.

I did more than cuddle your mother, son!

northernladuk
4th April 2019, 11:02
My upset is around the other thread "That young lady again". Some pretty nasty comments. There are also some pretty nasty people on here full stop. Why would anyone join this forum out of choice?Question is why would anyone stay around when they've sussed out it's full of nasty people?

DimPrawn
4th April 2019, 11:57
I did more than cuddle your mother, son!

You kept an 87 year old with dementia very happy. It's a niche fetish, but hats off to you!

Zigenare
4th April 2019, 12:01
You kept an 87 year old with dementia very happy. It's a niche fetish, but hats off to you!

Any port in a storm lad, any port in a storm.

At least she won't remember my name!

NotAllThere
4th April 2019, 12:14
I'm upset because there is a whole forum unbeknown to me ripping me to absolute shreds ...Well - two threads.

Frankly, if you make your life public, people will discuss it. They'll discuss it online, at work, at the pub, etc. And they may say some very nasty things. You can't control it.

You just happened to find the discussion here and so have made able to make some effort to present your case.

DimPrawn
4th April 2019, 12:20
Any port in a storm lad, any port in a storm.

At least she won't remember my name!

She does talk about "Big Barry with the bad breath" quite a lot. Not sure if that's connected...

Old Greg
4th April 2019, 12:25
She does talk about "Big Barry with the bad breath" quite a lot. Not sure if that's connected...
https://ih1.redbubble.net/image.24876430.7554/fc,550x550,navy.u4.jpg

Zigenare
4th April 2019, 12:29
Lots of people have seen the post on LinkedIn but you are missing the point as to why I am upset. I'm upset because there is a whole forum unbeknown to me ripping me to absolute shreds while I'm an absolute mess at my parents house trying to work out a future for myself at a very difficult time.

I agree, the LI post was stupid. I was not in the right mind at the time but the damage is done now. It also prevents me from ever working in that industry again which is what I need because I seem incapable of not just jumping back in whenever someone calls me about a role.

I don't want to upset anyone but I also dont like people passing judgements about me and saying nasty things. At least on LI it is people's own names behind their opinions. On here you can all hide behind your keyboards having a pop at my life while I read this stuff already close to the metaphorical edge.

I shouldnt be replying, it isnt good for me but everyone has made the wrong judgement about me.

I purposefully haven't named and shamed any organisation or individual. I've also got an inbox full of stories from other contractors who have had identical experiences to me at the same set of clients.

I don't know what I was trying to achieve in posting on LI but I didnt expect it to lead to this thread there.

I'm not bothered about this forum ranking my name in the Serps - I couldn't give two hoots about that. I'm just bothered about not being able to read the nasty character defaming stuff I'm reading on this thread which you started.

Listen love, this isn't all about you!

Erm, actually, on reflection, it might be... :devil

Zigenare
4th April 2019, 12:32
She does talk about "Big Barry with the bad breath" quite a lot. Not sure if that's connected...

What do you expect mate, she is a wrinkly old prawn star!

psychocandy
4th April 2019, 13:23
As a forum we ain't coming across well here. OK she put whatever on linked in and admits it was a bad idea.

Yeh I started the one discussion - wish I hadn't now and have apologised for doing so because it got a bit out of hand. Discussing something someone posted on social media is one thing, fair game. BUT some of the comments got a bit much now surely?

fullyautomatix
4th April 2019, 13:26
As a forum we ain't coming across well here. OK she put whatever on linked in and admits it was a bad idea.

Yeh I started the one discussion - wish I hadn't now and have apologised for doing so because it got a bit out of hand. Discussing something someone posted on social media is one thing, fair game. BUT some of the comments got a bit much now surely?

Feck off, who died and made you the forum moderator?

SimonMac
4th April 2019, 13:55
Feck off, who died and made you the forum moderator?

Still a better moderator than MarillionFan

Whorty
4th April 2019, 14:25
Question is why would anyone stay around when they've sussed out it's full of nasty people?

i have. It keeps me entertained in the B***** forum :happy

Zigenare
4th April 2019, 14:28
Still a better moderator than MarillionFanNotAllThere!


Gratis. :D

Zigenare
4th April 2019, 16:45
As a forum we ain't coming across well here. OK she put whatever on linked in and admits it was a bad idea.

Yeh I started the one discussion - wish I hadn't now and have apologised for doing so because it got a bit out of hand. Discussing something someone posted on social media is one thing, fair game. BUT some of the comments got a bit much now surely?

Tough shit Pandora, this thing ain't ever going back into that box!

jamesbrown
4th April 2019, 17:02
As a forum we ain't coming across well here. OK she put whatever on linked in and admits it was a bad idea.

Yeh I started the one discussion - wish I hadn't now and have apologised for doing so because it got a bit out of hand. Discussing something someone posted on social media is one thing, fair game. BUT some of the comments got a bit much now surely?

Your twatwaffle is so effortless.

Old Greg
4th April 2019, 18:06
As a forum we ain't coming across well here. OK she put whatever on linked in and admits it was a bad idea.

Yeh I started the one discussion - wish I hadn't now and have apologised for doing so because it got a bit out of hand. Discussing something someone posted on social media is one thing, fair game. BUT some of the comments got a bit much now surely?

Apologising in General? Once again you show yourself to be the lowest of the low.

Zigenare
4th April 2019, 18:12
Apologising in General? Once again you show yourself to be the lowest of the low.

What's up with you, can't stand the competition?

Old Greg
4th April 2019, 18:49
What's up with you, can't stand the competition?

Top bantz there, but this is a serious standards issue.

MarillionFan
4th April 2019, 21:39
Lots of people have seen the post on LinkedIn but you are missing the point as to why I am upset. I'm upset because there is a whole forum unbeknown to me ripping me to absolute shreds while I'm an absolute mess at my parents house trying to work out a future for myself at a very difficult time.

I agree, the LI post was stupid. I was not in the right mind at the time but the damage is done now. It also prevents me from ever working in that industry again which is what I need because I seem incapable of not just jumping back in whenever someone calls me about a role.

I don't want to upset anyone but I also dont like people passing judgements about me and saying nasty things. At least on LI it is people's own names behind their opinions. On here you can all hide behind your keyboards having a pop at my life while I read this stuff already close to the metaphorical edge.

I shouldnt be replying, it isnt good for me but everyone has made the wrong judgement about me.

I purposefully haven't named and shamed any organisation or individual. I've also got an inbox full of stories from other contractors who have had identical experiences to me at the same set of clients.

I don't know what I was trying to achieve in posting on LI but I didnt expect it to lead to this thread there.

I'm not bothered about this forum ranking my name in the Serps - I couldn't give two hoots about that. I'm just bothered about not being able to read the nasty character defaming stuff I'm reading on this thread which you started.

And this is where the internet, social media & people who need some form of validation in life all come crashing down together.

I frankly don't give a flying **** what people say or think about me, simply just don't care. It's your own validation of self that's important, words are words & nobody on here is even remotely important to you so just DGAF.

MarillionFan
4th April 2019, 21:40
Still a better moderator than MarillionFan

You used to think I was the best. You're so fickle.

Old Greg
4th April 2019, 21:41
You used to think I was the best. You're so fick.

FTFY

psychocandy
5th April 2019, 09:44
And this is where the internet, social media & people who need some form of validation in life all come crashing down together.

I frankly don't give a flying **** what people say or think about me, simply just don't care. It's your own validation of self that's important, words are words & nobody on here is even remotely important to you so just DGAF.

I like it when Old Greg and NLUK call me names on here to be honest.....

NotAllThere
5th April 2019, 09:51
I like it when Old Greg and NLUK call me names on here to be honest.....

One day you'll attract the ire of Zigenare, I'm sure.

Zigenare
5th April 2019, 11:21
One day you'll attract the ire of Zigenare, I'm sure.

He'd have to be a bigger twunt than you and to be quite frank, I doubt that's ever going to happen.

PhiltheGreek
5th April 2019, 11:50
I frankly don't give a flying **** what people say or think about me, simply just don't care. It's your own validation of self that's important, words are words & nobody on here is even remotely important to you so just DGAF.

WTF does one do when one finds oneself agreeing with MF? :suicide:

northernladuk
5th April 2019, 12:47
WTF does one do when one finds oneself agreeing with MF? :suicide:Give him a like, neg rep him and make some comment about sledges and tat shops as per usual.

Don't let something as trivial as him being right get in the way of some good neg reping and japery.

greenlake
5th April 2019, 13:23
WTF does one do when one finds oneself agreeing with MF? :suicide:

There's only one thing to do.... :rollin:

http://i.imgur.com/GkALewX.jpg

xoggoth
5th April 2019, 13:43
I like it when Old Greg and NLUK call me names on here to be honest...

I'd say being called names by Old Greg proves you must be sensible.