I'm going to start smoking

[MrsGoof]

but what is the best way?

I was thinking of gum before advancing to Patches, those plastic ciggies and then onto the real things.

[SallyAnne]

but what is the best way?

I was thinking of gum before advancing to Patches, those plastic ciggies and then onto the real things.

Its best to smoke loads of dope first, get into the nicotene slowly.

[freakydancer]

Its best to smoke loads of dope first, get into the nicotene slowly.

Join us.

Not only does smoking make you look 'kin hard, it also makes you look cool.

If it's good enough from Keef Richards, it's good enough for me.

[Flubster]

I gave up smoking 5 years ago. End result, I'm very overweight to the point that the quack wants me to loose weight 'for health reasons'. I reckon I should take up smoking again to inhibit my food cravings and get me down to a safe weight again.

Or I might just go and get some liposuction. What does the panel think?

[BlasterBates]

Its very difficult. I've been trying to start smoking for years. The thing is if you decide to not smoke when you're teenager it is very difficult to start later on. The trouble is if I smoke, within a few hours I crave fresh air.

[ChimpMaster]

Start with Kit Kats. I did when I was 7.

[Bagpuss]

Its very difficult. I've been trying to start smoking for years. The thing is if you decide to not smoke when you're teenager it is very difficult to start later on.

If only that were true.

[Zippy]

I gave up smoking 5 years ago. End result, I'm very overweight to the point that the quack wants me to loose weight 'for health reasons'. I reckon I should take up smoking again to inhibit my food cravings and get me down to a safe weight again.

Or I might just go and get some liposuction. What does the panel think?

Get your quack to prescribe some amphetamines. They must be better for you than smoking surely?

[Denny]

I would recommend smoking for these reasons:

(a) You'd then have to go through all the stress and difficulty of giving up again. What fun that'll be.

(b) You will save money by staying at home to avoid sampling the delights of dirty looks in coffee shops and being permanently frustrated come July, when you realise you can't indulge in public anymore.

(c) You save money on shampoo and washing powder than you do currently. In real terms that is - you need to buy more because you will permanently stink of fags and need to wash your hair everyday, but there are loads of 2 for 3 offers in Boots at the moment.

(d) You can spend an exciting morning visiting your dentist more often, to get rid of ciggie stained teeth. AAAAHH!

(e) You will lose your sense of taste - therefore a trip to McDonalds is just as enticing as Claridges because food becomes little more than an inconvenience to get over with as quickly as possible before that enticing fag with your coffee.

(f) You can make new friends - standing in the freezing cold on doorsteps.

(f) You have all the delights of emphasyma and possibly lung cancer to look forward to - which means that you can give up work earlier and pay less tax to Gordo.

[Flubster]

(f) You have all the delights of emphasyma and possibly lung cancer to look forward to - which means that you can give up work earlier and pay less tax to Gordo.

That's tax avoidance, Denny. C'mon, you know the score...you preach it often enough.