Ummm....

[Lucy]

http://www.geocities.com/kurtodrome/english/dumb.html

[andy]

access denied

[Numptycorner]

One I heard on the weakest link...

What is the largest country in the UK?

Answer: France

[Spacecadet]

AR: What does a bat use to facilitate flying in the dark?
A: Its wings.

Good answer, it was the question thats wrong

[Lucy]

Dumb Britain
Dumb Britain is a selection of stupid answers from English quiz shows. Some we've heard ourselves, some come from the magazine Private Eye, but all are funny. Before we let you look at our archive, here are the latest entries:



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From Danny Kelly Show (Radio WM):
Kelly: Which French Mediterranean town hosts a famous film festival every year?
Contestant: I don't know, I need a clue.
Kelly: OK. What do beans come in?
Contestant: Cartons?

From National Lottery Jet Set (BBC1):
Eamonn Holmes: Dizzy Gillespie is famous for playing... what?
Contestant: Basketball.

From Big Quiz (LBC):
Gary King: Name the funny men who once entertained kings and queens at court.
Contestant: Lepers.

From Quizmania (ITV):
Greg Scott: We're looking for an occupation beginning with "T" Contestant: Doctor. Scott: No, it’s "T". "T" for Tommy. "T" for Tango. "T" for Tintinnabulation. Contestant: Oh right... (pause)... Doctor.



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A R C H I V E


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From Late Show (BBC Midlands):
Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy?
Contestant: France.
Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.
Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.
Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let�s try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?
Same contestant: Sorry, I don�t know.
Trelinski: Just guess a country then.
Contestant: Paris.

From BBC Norfolk:
Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with "It's A Wonderful World"?
Contestant: I don't know.
White: I'll give you a couple of clues. What do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?
Contestant: Arm.
White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're ...?
Contestant: Strong.
White: Correct: And what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
Contestant: Louis.
White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song "It's A Wonderful World"?
Contestant: Frank Sinatra?


From 24 Hour Quiz (ITV):
Unseen questionmaster: Who sang the song "Je t�aime" with Jane Birkin?
Two contestants (given a choice of three answers): Jacques Chirac.

From Star 107 FM (Cambridgeshire):
Presenter: In which country would you find Miami?
Contestant: Uh... pass.

From Who Wants To Be A Millionaire (ITV):

Chris Tarrant: Which of these is the title of a Shakespeare play?
a. As You Like It
b. As You Love It
c. As You Wish It
d. As You Want It
Contestant: Er... I don't know, Chris. Can I phone a friend?

Tarrant (asking the audience): "Jambon" is the French for which food?
Audience: 11 percent said jam.

From Richard and Judy (ITV/Channel 4):

Q: Which Danish city is famous for its statue of a mermaid?
A: Denmark.

Q: In what year did the Second World War start?
A: 1918.
Q: No, the Second. Try again.
A: Err... 1937.

Q: How many wheels are there in a unicycle?
A: Three.

Q: What is origami?
A: A herb.

Q:How many metres are there in a kilometre?
A: Three.

Q: Which Spanish island is famous for hosting lots of trendy parties?
A: Spain.

Q: How do you call the big pole in the middle of a ship?
A: Pass.

Q: What kind of creature is a halibut?
A: A bird.
Q: No, wrong. Try again.
A: A ferret.

Q: What�s the Prince of Wales�s Christian name?
A: Err...
Q: Here�s a clue: he was married to Diana.
A: Err...
Q: It begins with a �C�.
A: No idea.

Q: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?
A: Forrest Gump.

What's the Tory leader's Christian name?
A: Errr...
You know, Mr. Hague.
A: Pass.

Leslie: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?
Contestant: Er...
Leslie: He makes bread...
Contestant: Er...
Leslie: He makes cakes...
Contestant: Kipling Street?

Colleen Nolan: To which member of the royal family is the Duke of Edinburgh married?
Contestant: Pass.

John Leslie: At what time is Midday Money broadcast?
Contestant: 12.15.


Leslie: The Berlin Wall was demolished in which country?
Contestant: Er...
Leslie: East and West came together...
Contestant: Er...
Leslie: It begins with a "G".
Contestant: Er...
Leslie: No, I can't give you that one.

Judy: Where's the Acropolis?
Contestant: Pass.

Richard: Who sang New York, New York and Chicago?
Contestant: Er...
Richard: His nickname was "Old Blue Eyes".
Contestant: I don't know.

Richard: In which US state can you find Los Angeles, San Francisco and lots of big bears?
Contestant: Florida
Richard: No, it's on the other side.
Judy [sings]: "I wish they could be da da da da girls."
Contestant: New York.

Richard: What planet is named after the goddess of love?
Contestant: Neptune.

Richard: Who wrote Othello?
Contestant: No idea.
Richard: He also wrote Hamlet.
Contestant: Pass.

Judy Finnegan: How many wheels does a unicycle have?
Contestant: Two.

Judy: How many minutes are there in three quarters of an hour?
Contestant: 60.

Richard Madeley: On what day does new year's day fall?
Contestant: The 31st.

Fern Britton: Which actress starred in Sleepless in Seattle and When Harry Met Sally?
Contestant: Tom Hanks. Judy: Which desert war did Britain take part in 10 years ago today?
Contestant: The Falklands.

[DaveB]

Jade still holds the title though.

One of the comments from the page sums it up nicely.

"It says a lot for British society when a women who would lose to a goldfish in a game of Trival Pursuit can be famous just because she has an enomous gob and the social grace of a rabid gorilla. To say that she is intellectually challenged is an insult to thick people."