View Full Version : Let your colleagues know what you think of them

17th August 2007, 14:24

17th August 2007, 20:07
I let my colleagues know what I think of them every day. There again, I'm the boss and pay them well to much, so they smile and carry on.

19th August 2007, 08:37


Quality rants, and devastating deadpan demolitions.

I spent hours reading it while scanning a couple of books onto my PC. Strange (or maybe not so strange) how a good proportion of the most egregiously lazy incompetent targets seem to be public service drones.

Here's one of many hilarious examples, using URL argument "?start=480":

About Boon, my employee61 53

Boon, we are both tree surgeons, and have the diplomas to

prove it, but something about your attitude to work makes me

think that you must have bought yours from one of those

chinamen who flog counterfeit DVDS under the counter at

our local House of Blossoms. What else would explain...

1) Your inability to tell one tree from another. Yesterday you

mistook a birch for an oak. When I explained your error, you

pointed to a near-identical tree and said 'my bad, cheif, that's

your birch over there'. We were in an OAK FOREST. The clue

is the whole 'forest' concept.

2) Your lack of knowledge of any arboreal diseases. There is

no such thing as 'runny bark'.

3) Your refusal to treat a weeping willow because 'it's a gay

tree, cheif. What's the point if it won't make kids? It'd be like

gobbing off a jaffa'.

4) Your belief that 'the Spangles don't have no trees 'cause

Franco cut 'em all down'.

5) Your belief that dog's urine is an arboreal cure-all. 'But if

we can't get none of that, we can mix our own piss with

Tippex thinners'. Thanks for that, Boon.

6) The time you told me that leaves are a tree's skin, and that

they breath through 'a little hole in the top, a bit like a whale'.

Cowboy Bob
19th August 2007, 12:40
About Jesus, my colleague 55 33

Stay away from the water cooler you cnvt. If I want some wine I'll buy some fecking wine.


19th August 2007, 13:16
Try working with this one ?????


19th August 2007, 15:41
How has this one not been quoted here before!!

So you're a Muslim, and, since about a year or two, you are more vocal about that fact: you give prude sermons to the women who work here if they wear something which shows even the slightest bit of their skin (yet you look at them ALL THE BLOODY TIME), you get all huffy when some 6 rooms away has a ham sandwich and you spout the most puerile and offensive fundamentalist claptrap. When people tell you to stop saying these things you, quite rightly, claim your right to free speech.

But when you asked me how I felt about Islam and Muslims and I gave you an honest answer you ran crying to the manager to get me fired.

I only told you that Islam is a greater threat to mankind than Nazism and Communism put together. You and the other 2 billion Muslims in the world are just Nazis with beards. In fact you're worse than the Nazis, cos there are more of you than there ever were Nazis. And, contrary to Hitler, you lot have access to nuclear weapons, a fact that scares the **** out of me. You will in all probability use these weapons quite soon, because you're going to paradise anyway, so why should you be afraid to blow up the world. You'll all want to get to your 72 virgins, so I imagine you're in quite a hurry to push the button. Any religion which defines sacrifice and devotion as killing (preferably of Jews, Americans and Europeans) and offers as an eternal reward for this the opportunity to rape young women is nothing more but a load of sick and twisted cobblers. It would be laughable if it weren't so bloody dangerous.

You asked me, mate, and you got a straight answer. So why are you now so upset?

19th August 2007, 16:10
I've just read the one about the bloke who kept a spreadsheet of everyone's visits to the loo, with a colour code to indicate whether it was a slash, a poo or the blob.

Doesn't everyone do that? :emb

19th August 2007, 16:14
Whew! I thought it was just me :D