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Peter Kay one liners

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    Peter Kay one liners

    I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said,
    'Thyroid problem?'
    -----
    When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I
    realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and
    asked him to forgive me.
    -----
    Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale
    and sold the engine?
    -----
    I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go
    swimming.
    -----
    I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't
    get on with my real ladder.
    -----
    I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I
    ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
    -----
    A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Pass.
    Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.
    -----
    well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names.
    But one day I turned to my bullies and said - 'Sticks and stones may break my
    bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! From there on it was
    sticks and stones all the way.
    -----
    My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably
    why he got thrown out of the the fire brigade.
    -----
    Sex is like bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you better have
    a good hand.
    -----
    I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour
    said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enough."
    -----
    If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of
    meat?
    -----
    I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and
    give the wrong answers.
    -----
    You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither.
    -----
    Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from
    things they don't understand, such as working for a living.
    -----
    I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
    -----
    Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think
    I've forgotten this before.
    -----
    I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

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