Joys of being a parent!

[Benny]

Just discovered that my 14-year-old daughter was seen playing tonsil tennis with a youth in centre of town yesterday while supposedly out with her friends.

Also a quick examination of her PC reveals a BeBo home page with very unsuitable slogan, and an email exchange with another using very very colourful language.



What to do? Should I come down hard on her or just accept that daddy’s little girl is growing up.

Has anyone else been though this tulip or similar? to the female posters on the board what would be the best approach?
Wifey is leaving it to me to be the disciplinarian, sometimes wish we'd just had boys!

[Sockpuppet]

Just discovered that my 14-year-old daughter was seen playing tonsil tennis with a youth in centre of town yesterday while supposedly out with her friends.

Well she technically was out with friends. That is unless she kisses people she doesn't like.

Also a quick examination of her PC reveals a BeBo home page with very unsuitable slogan, and an email exchange with another using very very colourful language.

Unsuitable in what way? "Bush Rocks!" or something not as bad?

What to do? Should I come down hard on her or just accept that daddy’s little girl is growing up.

Prohibition leads to fascination.

If I was you I'd except that she's going to get nailed by someone so instead of pretending it ain't gonna happen spend the time making sure that when it does you don't end up with a mini-mini-benny.

If...and that is a big if. I ever have kids I'll probably teach them about sex as soon as they are old enough to read and write (say 5). Works in other countries.

Has anyone else been though this tulip or similar? to the female posters on the board what would be the best approach?
Wifey is leaving it to me to be the disciplinarian, sometimes wish we'd just had boys!

Did she do anything wrong? Kissing a boy is hardly capital punishment. Coming down on her hard will just make her hide what she is doing.


Children are like cats. You can try to tell them what to do but in the end they all just want a cheezeburger.

[SandyDown]

Yep, been through it, my daughter was at the same age (she's 17 now) when she started kissing . It is scary and I was puzzled on what to do, but I think the best approach:

1- Accept she s growing, but she is definitely not grown up, she is still a child, and she really needs you to tell her right from wrong, its not what you say its how you say it.

2- Open dialogue, if your daughter feels you accept that she is growing, and you would like to have an open and frank dialogue without judgement, she will come to you (both you and her mum) to talk about stuff, boy friends etc, we accepted my daughter wants to have bfs, and son wants to have gfs , so its all open and both gf and bf come to our house to visit and always invited ( or rather they invite themselves) to meals with the family.

3- No way round the birds and the bees talk, you don't want them to get into trouble.

4- For a girl its very very important to teach her herself worth, and values to respect herself, have her dignity if you know what I mean. You don't want her to be known as the 'Easy Girl' amongst the boys. Boys can be cruel (so are girls - I know) and when she breaks up with someone, you don't want her to go into incredible self loathing depression etc etc (which happens who ever initiates the break up), I've seen it happen to one of my daughter's friends who was first in her class, that girl went into really bad depression after her first boy friend broke up with her, and lost sight of her school work I think she barely passed her GCSE exams, which was awful and real shame, make sure your daughter knows she can come and talk to you if this happens.

5- Lets face it, everyone needs privacy, no way any of us would tell their parents every single thing, we all need to learn from our mistakes, but hope they'll come to you with the important stuff

From now on your daughter needs to think of you as a friend, but in your own head never ever forget that she is still a child, which is hard and trying in a lot of situations

To achieve the open dialogue I took my daughter at least once a week out, just me and her, and we chatted like hell, but she needs to feel safe enough with you to open up, I also looked on amazon, there are good help books for both parents and teenage kids, I bought my daughter a few simple books, some were a bit funny to read about women/men and handling relationships (there was a book wrote by a guy , telling all the girls who never seem to keep a relationship where they are going wrong - in summary telling the girls that men get attracted to self respecting, independent women not a door mat - sorry forgot the name of the book, but will try to dig it up).

Finally, I don’t know why your wife is leaving all this to you, its her area really, unfortunately relationships between fathers and daughters go incredibly rocky at this age (14 – 17) so take care, you can make or break the relationship with the way you handle this now.

And please don't take it to heart, at least she's not a Lesbian , we all had to have our first kiss!!

[Sockpuppet]

we all had to have our first kiss!!

I know! I so can't wait for that day to come....

[wendigo100]

Just discovered that my 14-year-old daughter was seen playing tonsil tennis with a youth in centre of town yesterday while supposedly out with her friends.

Also a quick examination of her PC reveals a BeBo home page with very unsuitable slogan, and an email exchange with another using very very colourful language.



What to do? Should I come down hard on her or just accept that daddy’s little girl is growing up.

Has anyone else been though this tulip or similar? to the female posters on the board what would be the best approach?
Wifey is leaving it to me to be the disciplinarian, sometimes wish we'd just had boys!

Just be grateful your daughter doesn't look like a truck.

[r0bly0ns]

If you let her know you have been going through her emails she will hate you for it and feel you have lost your trust in her. She will definately lose all trust she has for you.

Be very careful about that if you do decide to confront her

[Sockpuppet]

Just put a keylogger on her PC. Get her bebo passwords then go on a monster windup spree!!!!

[sasguru]

Yep, been through it, my daughter was at the same age (she's 17 now) when she started kissing . It is scary and I was puzzled on what to do, but I think the best approach:

1- Accept she s growing, but she is definitely not grown up, she is still a child, and she really needs you to tell her right from wrong, its not what you say its how you say it.

2- Open dialogue, if your daughter feels you accept that she is growing, and you would like to have an open and frank dialogue without judgement, she will come to you (both you and her mum) to talk about stuff, boy friends etc, we accepted my daughter wants to have bfs, and son wants to have gfs , so its all open and both gf and bf come to our house to visit and always invited ( or rather they invite themselves) to meals with the family.

3- No way round the birds and the bees talk, you don't want them to get into trouble.

4- For a girl its very very important to teach her herself worth, and values to respect herself, have her dignity if you know what I mean. You don't want her to be known as the 'Easy Girl' amongst the boys. Boys can be cruel (so are girls - I know) and when she breaks up with someone, you don't want her to go into incredible self loathing depression etc etc (which happens who ever initiates the break up), I've seen it happen to one of my daughter's friends who was first in her class, that girl went into really bad depression after her first boy friend broke up with her, and lost sight of her school work I think she barely passed her GCSE exams, which was awful and real shame, make sure your daughter knows she can come and talk to you if this happens.

5- Lets face it, everyone needs privacy, no way any of us would tell their parents every single thing, we all need to learn from our mistakes, but hope they'll come to you with the important stuff

From now on your daughter needs to think of you as a friend, but in your own head never ever forget that she is still a child, which is hard and trying in a lot of situations

To achieve the open dialogue I took my daughter at least once a week out, just me and her, and we chatted like hell, but she needs to feel safe enough with you to open up, I also looked on amazon, there are good help books for both parents and teenage kids, I bought my daughter a few simple books, some were a bit funny to read about women/men and handling relationships (there was a book wrote by a guy , telling all the girls who never seem to keep a relationship where they are going wrong - in summary telling the girls that men get attracted to self respecting, independent women not a door mat - sorry forgot the name of the book, but will try to dig it up).

Finally, I don’t know why your wife is leaving all this to you, its her area really, unfortunately relationships between fathers and daughters go incredibly rocky at this age (14 – 17) so take care, you can make or break the relationship with the way you handle this now.

And please don't take it to heart, at least she's not a Lesbian , we all had to have our first kiss!!

Bloody Hell - that could qualify as the most useful posting ever on CUK

[SallyAnne]

Just discovered that my 14-year-old daughter was seen playing tonsil tennis with a youth in centre of town yesterday while supposedly out with her friends.

Also a quick examination of her PC reveals a BeBo home page with very unsuitable slogan, and an email exchange with another using very very colourful language.



What to do? Should I come down hard on her or just accept that daddy’s little girl is growing up.

Has anyone else been though this tulip or similar? to the female posters on the board what would be the best approach?
Wifey is leaving it to me to be the disciplinarian, sometimes wish we'd just had boys!

Oh my god Benny - you looked on her PC?!!!! If you want to have ANY sort of relationship with your daughter in the future you should never ever ever ever do that again!! Looking on PC's/through diaries/on mobiles etc should only ever be done if something serious has happened - you have no right to do this just because you're having a crisis about her growing up.

Get a grip of yourself man! She's 14 - she's probably already doing far more than just snogging, and she'll be liking it too! She's a person, a young woman, not just "your daughter" - she's going to have a life. The question isn't whether you can stop it from happenning, it's whether you're prepared to face some personal issues, do some hard emotional things, and have some embarrassing conversations in order to be part of that life.

My relatinship with my dad has always been excellent, mostly down to him. He just seemed to suss out at a very early age that I was my own person. I told him at 15 I was going on the pill, and he fully supported me and told me I was "exceptionally clever" for doing it. He turned what must have been a nightmare coversation (for him), into one more very positive memory for me.
I'm very close to my dad even now, and I'd sit all night talking to him and enjoy every minute. Mainly because he accepts me for me, and doesn't judge.

So.....in my opinion what you should do is nothing even in the same ball park as discipline. Nothing she has done has been worthy of discipline!! What you NEED to do, is start talking to her. It doesn't even have to be about this - it's none of your business anyway! Just start talking to her, about anything/everything!! Maybe one day she'll feel so comfortable talking to you that she'll tell you about her boyfriends - then you will have developed a relationship that she'll treasure and will last a lifetime.

Shame on your wife like - utterly p*ss poor.

Sal

[thunderlizard]

Seeing as you're a friend, I'll have the little yob's teeth smashed in with a claw hammer for you. He'll not be kissing your lass or anyone's after that.

hth
tl