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Am I a bar steward? Serious question here...

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    Am I a bar steward? Serious question here...

    Serious question folks. In one of my not exactly sober moments, it occurred to me that my father isn't really my father. There were rather too many jokes when I was a kid about the milkman and maybe they picked up the wrong baby from hospital.

    But if I am a proper bastard in the legal sense, it would explain why I had so much pain from my father over the years, and why he mistreated my mother.

    Given that my dear old Mum died more than 15 years ago, I can't ask her, but I do remember being told not to bother visiting her in hospital for her last few hours in this world, and have often wondered why. Was she going to spill the beans to me?

    Please answer gently folks. Remember that we are talking about my Mum.
    Behold the warranty -- the bold print giveth and the fine print taketh away.

    #2
    Mmmm... Difficult one.

    My father mistreated my mum when I was a youngster too, but they are still together. So the mistreatment isn't necessarily concrete proof that's he's not your father.

    The milkman jokes aren't something you want to hear either (certainly not if they were frequent), but again not absolute proof that you’re not his as such.

    I'd get a photo of your dad and one of your mum, study them yourself and then ask some friends if you have any of their features or if you look like them in anyway.

    What is your relationship like with your father? Can you talk to him like an adult about this?

    The request that you stay away at the end does arouse some suspicion though. How old were you when she passed? It could have simply been people protecting you from heartache to see her actually pass away.

    If it is eating away at you and you really have to know, I’d ask my father outright. Ask for the truth because you need to know. We humans do silly things sometimes and that’s what we’re all here for, to live, make mistakes and learn from them, almost every single one of us will achieve that in a lifetime. Only then can we pass any kind of judgement on others.

    At the end of the day she’s still your mum no matter what and she gave you the gift of life. You mustn’t loose sight of that whatever happens now.
    Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

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      #3
      No - you would only be a bastard if you were born out of wedlock. It may be that your parents were not your biological parents (one or both), but that doesn't make you illegitimate.

      Question is - would it make any difference to you and your perception of your "family"?

      If your dad's around, can you ask him? Or nick a few hairs and get a DNA test done.
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        #4
        Do you ever feel the urge to get up at three in the morning and drive electrically-powered vehicles?

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by wendigo100 View Post
          Do you ever feel the urge to get up at three in the morning and drive electrically-powered vehicles?


          Are you saying......no, surely not....ridiculous....., that Sir Clive Sinclair is his real dad?


          Comment


            #6
            My take on this is that it doesn't matter any more. Make your peace with your dad and move forward (hard I know). No point raking over the past.
            Hard Brexit now!
            #prayfornodeal

            Comment


              #7
              Originally posted by sasguru View Post
              My take on this is that it doesn't matter any more. Make your peace with your dad and move forward (hard I know). No point raking over the past.
              I agree - life is too short!
              Bazza gets caught
              Socrates - "The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing."

              CUK University Challenge Champions 2010

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                #8
                Originally posted by sasguru View Post
                My take on this is that it doesn't matter any more. Make your peace with your dad and move forward (hard I know). No point raking over the past.
                I would always be curious in his position, knowing where I came from and all that.

                He suspects the milkman. Suppose the milkman was a war hero, or an old Nazi?

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by wendigo100 View Post
                  I would always be curious in his position, knowing where I came from and all that.

                  He suspects the milkman. Suppose the milkman was a war hero, or an old Nazi?

                  You can't do anything about the genes you inherit, so why fret? And what your father did/was is irrelevant to what you are.
                  Hard Brexit now!
                  #prayfornodeal

                  Comment


                    #10
                    The problem is we all have a sense of belonging, where we came from etc.

                    If it was me I would haveto know
                    How fortunate for governments that the people they administer don't think

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