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View Full Version : Denied the pleasure of beating up a couple of burglars



PAH
24th April 2008, 10:09
Woke up at 4am to the sound of someone having a go at my side gate. It's got a very squeeky bolt, it pays to be lazy with the lubrication in this case!

Go downstairs to see a couple of scrotes holding a flashlight to the lock on my patio door at the back of the house. Was almost laughing at their amateurishness as I put on the main light to see them stunned like rabbits on a B road, before deciding they'd better leg it.

Strangely I wasn't scared at all, more disappointed I didn't do things differently to try to catch them or at least a photo of them to hand to the rozzers.

Maybe I'll wait till they're in the house next time, make it more interesting.

DimPrawn
24th April 2008, 10:13
I'm sorry you are telling fibs.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7364467.stm

HTH

Epiphone
24th April 2008, 10:33
it pays to be lazy with the lubrication in this case!



<insert smut overload>

Xenophon
24th April 2008, 10:41
Woke up at 4am to the sound of someone having a go at my side gate. It's got a very squeeky bolt, it pays to be lazy with the lubrication in this case!

Go downstairs to see a couple of scrotes holding a flashlight to the lock on my patio door at the back of the house. Was almost laughing at their amateurishness as I put on the main light to see them stunned like rabbits on a B road, before deciding they'd better leg it.

Strangely I wasn't scared at all, more disappointed I didn't do things differently to try to catch them or at least a photo of them to hand to the rozzers.

Maybe I'll wait till they're in the house next time, make it more interesting.

Sounds like a couple of scumbag chancers, PAH.

My pooch means no-one in their right mind would break in to Xeno Towers. He is a complete and utter softie, but he looks like a tank with a big gob and that is the deterrent.

TimberWolf
24th April 2008, 11:15
I'm sorry you are telling fibs.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7364467.stm

HTH

Nope, the article refers to "recorded crime", which is indeed going down, it's only unrecorded crime which is going up.

Ruprect
24th April 2008, 11:44
Next time I recommend getting a cleaver from the kitchen and waving it at them whilst grinning manically. They may even kack themselves.

PAH
24th April 2008, 12:07
Next time I recommend getting a cleaver from the kitchen and waving it at them whilst grinning manically. They may even kack themselves.


That thought has crossed my mind. Got a nice big carving knife that will do till the chainsaw arrives.

Hope the ***** come back, it'll be fun doing a leatherface chasing them down the street with a chainsaw. On second thoughts it would be more like that scene in American Psycho seeing as I sleep naked. :laugh

PAH
24th April 2008, 12:13
Sounds like a couple of scumbag chancers, PAH.



That's what I thought, seeing as they've done a very amateurish attempt. Seems that they don't even know how to pick a lock as there are chisel marks around the door handle.

I've a feeling they were after my car, breaking in for the keys, seeing as they parked out of sight a fair way away around the corner in what sounded like a normal car rather than diesel van.

Maybe my paranoia that I've been followed home a couple of times in recent weeks isn't that misplaced. Or the dodgy gits that sorted out a new tyre last week have passed on my address. I thought afterwards it was the wrong thing to do to give them my real address, seeing as they didn't really need it.

hyperD
24th April 2008, 13:47
Maybe my paranoia that I've been followed home a couple of times in recent weeks isn't that misplaced. Or the dodgy gits that sorted out a new tyre last week have passed on my address. I thought afterwards it was the wrong thing to do to give them my real address, seeing as they didn't really need it.

Yes, it's entirely plausible.

I got followed in my TVR last year - just clocked a silver Fiesta in the corner of my eye u-turn and speed after me. It then followed me at a distance all the way home.

I drove into another road near my house and drove up someone's drive and got out the car, pretending to walk in the front house. I then looked around to see 2 chavs looking out and rather than giving the usual "nice car mate", they simply roared off down the road.

Probably nothing, but I'm glad I did it.

I think if anyone broke into my home, I'd introduce them to my Global chefs knives, sharpish.

PAH
24th April 2008, 14:56
I think if anyone broke into my home, I'd introduce them to my Global chefs knives, sharpish.


That reminds me. My brother has a set of unused chef knives (in some poncy aluminium case) in my parents loft. About time they earned their keep.

up4it
24th April 2008, 14:59
Should have taken a photo and posted it on here! :smokin

Xenophon
24th April 2008, 15:03
That reminds me. My brother has a set of unused chef knives (in some poncy aluminium case) in my parents loft. About time they earned their keep.

Always handy to have under the bed - just in case (http://www.stormsport.co.uk/product.php?xProd=23652&xSec=522)

Chugnut
24th April 2008, 15:10
I drove into another road near my house and drove up someone's drive and got out the car, pretending to walk in the front house.

Did this not strike you as slightly odd behaviour? Did the occupants of the house ask if you'd had a nice day at the office? :freaky:

PAH
24th April 2008, 15:12
Always handy to have under the bed - just in case (http://www.stormsport.co.uk/product.php?xProd=23652&xSec=522)

:laugh

Good idea, except my house is too small to swing a cat, let alone a bat.

A mate has one with "Thumper" down the side. Might see if he wants to send it on a little holiday to my place.

PAH
24th April 2008, 15:17
Should have taken a photo and posted it on here! :smokin


I did think of that, but mobile phones are crap for taking photos in the dark, and with the light on there was too much glare from the patio door glass. Besides as soon as I put the light on they were on their toes before I could out manouver them.

A mate has a camera with a flash brighter than the sun. It blinds everyone for a few minutes when he takes photos on a night out. Even the strangers lurking in the background. :laugh Will have to find out what model it is, that'll do the trick.

Number9
24th April 2008, 15:23
I did think of that, but mobile phones are crap for taking photos in the dark, and with the light on there was too much glare from the patio door glass. Besides as soon as I put the light on they were on their toes before I could out manouver them.

A mate has a camera with a flash brighter than the sun. It blinds everyone for a few minutes when he takes photos on a night out. Even the strangers lurking in the background. :laugh Will have to find out what model it is, that'll do the trick.

Always best to come down the stairs with CS gas, gasmask........and big fat bat...........the shock on their faces.........no more nicking for them.

hyperD
24th April 2008, 15:38
Did this not strike you as slightly odd behaviour? Did the occupants of the house ask if you'd had a nice day at the office? :freaky:

I work from home office, it was during the day, the house was unoccupied.

You are right though - not sure what I would have said if confronted. I'm wondering if they would have come out the door and pretended they didn't live there or something! :)


But I trust my gut instinct.

PAH
24th April 2008, 15:45
Always best to come down the stairs with CS gas, gasmask........and big fat bat...........the shock on their faces.........no more nicking for them.


I've decided to park it on my neighbour's drive, seeing as they haven't moved in yet and don't look like doing anytime soon. Been empty for nearly two years and it's a newish house not some derelict wreck.

I'll pop a letter through their door apologising for any damage in advance.

The measures I have to take to get a bit of undisturbed shut eye. :rolleyes:

Chugnut
24th April 2008, 15:50
I work from home office, it was during the day, the house was unoccupied.

You are right though - not sure what I would have said if confronted. I'm wondering if they would have come out the door and pretended they didn't live there or something! :)


But I trust my gut instinct.


Have some fun and ask them what the hell they are doing in your house. ;)

Sounds like you did the right thing though.

hyperD
24th April 2008, 15:57
Have some fun and ask them what the hell they are doing in your house. ;)


:rollin:

Awwwww, you see, if that scenario ever happened again, I never would have said that! I can't think as fast as that but I wish I did!