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Duvet Protocol Stack

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    Duvet Protocol Stack

    From another post :

    Do you remember the drawing I made of a protocol stack and the various layers?

    Now THAT would be an uber-kewl duvet cover !

    Imagine being encapsulated by all the protocols every night.

    DNS : One of the "sex protocols". Much appreciated by women, in assisting their partner's hunt to the elusive clitoris.

    TFTP : Another "sex protocol" (uses port 69). Ideal for the transfer of liquids between orifii.

    TSL/SSL : Sex Protocol again. Prevents "eavesdropping". Very useful when you have the inlaws sleeping in the next room, and you want to engage in clandestine and quiet rumpy-pumpy.

    FTP : Also known as the "Duvet Snatching Protocol". Mrs BGG is especially well versed in this area.

    Gopher : This protocol is used when the alarm clock, telephone or front door goes, and somebody has to get up and answer it.

    HTTP : Used for reading mucky web pages in bed on your wifi laptop.

    IMAP : When one partner is out of bed, IMAP is used to shout out to them asking for a cup of tea.

    IRC : Also known as "pillow talk".

    NNTP : See POP3.

    POP3 : The "fart" protocol. Depending on the severity of the aroma, NNTP (as a broadcast protocol) will sometimes kick in, getting the originator in to trouble.

    SIP : Another "sex protocol". Used to signal "lavicious intent"

    SMTP : A very common communication protocol, used when having just woken up, when language is restricted to simple grunts.

    SNMP : Also a "sex protocol". Used to monitor equipment that may be failing or being used inappropriately, eg "Is it in ?" or "It's in the wrong fething hole".

    SECURE SHELL : Yup. You guessed it. This one is part of the "coitus" application layer and ensures "data" is exchanged using a "secure channel" between two users. No spillage !

    TELNET : Often used in the middle of the night, when you need to get up and briefly login to the loo.

    ECHO : Used to check if your partner is responsive, or indeed, even alive for that matter.

    RTP : On a technical level, RTP provides :

    Payload-type identification - Indication of what kind of content is being carried
    Time stamping - allow synchronization and jitter calculations
    Delivery monitoring

    Believe me when I say "Jitter" can be bad...

    PNRP : This is used to make sure you don't call your current partner the name of your ex-partner whilst en flagrante.

    RLOGIN : Use this to connect to another host. Popular with swingers.

    ENRP : No one has figured out what this is for yet.
    Last edited by Board Game Geek; 27 June 2008, 03:34.
    Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.

    C.S. Lewis

    #2
    You forgot RTCP.

    Comment


      #3
      I didn't know RTCP was an official part of the TCP/IP suite ?
      Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.

      C.S. Lewis

      Comment


        #4
        Originally posted by Board Game Geek View Post
        I didn't know RTCP was an official part of the TCP/IP suite ?
        Read the RFC.

        Comment


          #5
          Aha sister protocol of RTP. That explains it. Cheers.
          Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.

          C.S. Lewis

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by Board Game Geek View Post
            Aha sister protocol of RTP. That explains it. Cheers.
            No problem. However I've yet to see an implementation of VoIP that correctly uses the info provided.

            Surely you should have mentioned UDP in its own right or is that just a blanket coverall and not a duvet?

            IGMC

            Comment


              #7
              Churchy
              Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.

              C.S. Lewis

              Comment


                #8
                BBG nice post
                (\__/)
                (>'.'<)
                ("")("") Born to Drink. Forced to Work

                Comment

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