View Full Version : Toynbee bashing - my favourite sport

14th August 2008, 09:03
And done well too:


Well worth a read.

14th August 2008, 09:10
Staying with education, I see that primary schools will be weighing children and informing their parents of the results, but they will not be allowed to use the medical term “obese”, because it might cause offence. This is excellent news because the forbidding of words and the compulsion to euphemism leads to so much more ingenious ways of writing what you mean:

“Dear Mr and Mrs Wisbeech, your son, Arnold, has been weighed in the balance... and broke it.”

“Dear Mr and Mrs Funt, your daughter, Ellie, has not been weighed today, as planned, because when she took off her dress prior to mounting the scales the doctor laughed so hard he had an embolism.”

“Dear Mr Jarse, your son, Hugh, was weighed today. We are not saying he is fat, we are just saying that from next term we will be charging fees for both of him.”

“Dear Mrs Hunt, your son, Eric, was weighed today and the school doctor will be writing to you with the results just as soon as he can break free of Eric's gravitational pull.”

“Dear Mrs Hunt, your other son, Warwick, was also weighed. Tell you what, if you can guess his weight to the nearest stone, we'll forget about all those broken chairs.”


14th August 2008, 09:24

I love the way the names become progressively more risqué. You can sense his anger growing steadily with each one.

Giles Coren, a chip off the old block. Good man.

14th August 2008, 09:25
Warwick Hunt

excellent. laughed aloud at that one


14th August 2008, 11:52
Ha ha! Made my day that.

I hate that rancorous old hypocrite La Toynbee with every fiber of my being.

Good bloke that young Coren.

Must go and watch that clip of Toynbe getting bitch-slapped by Littlejohn on Question Time - will cheer me up even more.

14th August 2008, 12:03
his last piece of writing:


14th August 2008, 13:23
his last piece of writing:


He sounds a tad miffed :rolleyes: