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View Full Version : The most odd/boring person you have ever worked with



Bagpuss
31st October 2008, 13:28
I'll start

About 12 years ago I worked with a woman called Deborah, epitomy of a plain Jane, early 30s at the time but could have passed for 40s, wirey hair, middle aged clothes absolutely no sex appeal. So, the personality must have been strong?.. NO!..would walk past your desk in the morning, no hello, no goodbye in the evening. Any excuse to avoid contact with any other member of staff. Never came to lunch, never came for drinks. If she did speak it would usually be some sacastic comment.

I once found out, she had witnessed a violent attack outside her house. A group of masked criminals had dragged a guy out of the next door house and beat him about the body with baseball bats then bundled him into a car. the next day she came into work like nothing had happened. Most people would be a little shaken or feel the need to tell people about it.

This woman was a complete none person. Wonder if she considered contracting:wink

God I'm bored!

BA to the Stars
31st October 2008, 13:30
A chap who came from Cheshire, drove a grey Ford Focus and his shoes smelt of wee. Kept banging on about his neighbours and his parking problems

:rolleyes:

BrianSnail
31st October 2008, 13:32
A chap who came from Cheshire, drove a grey Ford Focus and his shoes smelt of wee. Kept banging on about his neighbours and his parking problems

:rolleyes:

You worked with Wilmslow?!?

Peoplesoft bloke
31st October 2008, 13:33
The oddest contractor was a bloke who used to pound the keys with such force it was a miracle to me that his keyboard survived.
When not doing that he used to spend his day on the phone to agents (at least that's who we think he was talking to) saying things like "tell them to fook it, I'm not doing it for less than £750 a day plus expenses" very loudly.

We were sat in room of poorly paid (albeit useless) permies. He didn't get a renewal.

Bagpuss
31st October 2008, 13:37
I once worked with a Aussie guy who stood up in a long and droning review meeting and said
"Ah FFS this is a load of bollocks I'm out of here"

Mich the Tester
31st October 2008, 13:42
I think the ICT industry attracts oddballs of all sorts, but the wierdest I ever met was a German guy who wore the same suit every day for months on end, growing smellier and grimier by the day. Before long the test team had a ‘bug of the week’ award which was usually a bottle of wine, and a ‘prat of the week’ award which was to sit next to ‘Mr Schmelly’ as he was known. The guy never seemed to question why nobody ever sat next to him for more than one day, and when they did they’d try to get themselves planned in for useless meetings with someone else all day. I don’t think he was ever invited to meetings. He drove a convertible car which, despite being brand new, was a skip on wheels, filled with fast food waste, mouldy half eaten pizzas and fag ends.

MaryPoppins
31st October 2008, 13:47
I am currently working with THE MOST irritating man in the universe. He is fairly new, yet somehow seems to know everything, without actually having achieved anything. He thinks we're "in it together" as we're both contractors and initiates the most inane chit chat at any opportunity; you can't walk past his desk without being stopped to be told about his local rugby team/his car/his wife and how much she drinks/the dead pigeon outside blah blah blah. Argh. :mad:

Liability
31st October 2008, 13:50
Last year - guy from a very well known sauce hardware manufacturer walked into our offices at the time - he was with his Sales Director and said something along the lines of the following - I KID YOU NOT

"Right, What I need is every one of you to be quiet and listen to what I have to say as I am the expert and what I say is right; and the reason I am here is because none of you have a clue what you are doing"

At this stage we all looked at each other thinking "he is 'aving a laugh" but nope! He was dead serious!

The Programme Director says "Lets hear it then"

He then went on about how "his" solution was the best for about 45 mins totally ignoring our questions and comments.

At the end of the 45 mins the main Director just replied "Thanks, off you go."

It was just a class act! He didnt know what to say! LOL

Suffice to say he was removed from our account and subsequently fired from the sauce manufacturer.

Mich the Tester
31st October 2008, 13:51
I am currently working with THE MOST irritating man in the universe. He is fairly new, yet somehow seems to know everything, without actually having achieved anything. He thinks we're "in it together" as we're both contractors and initiates the most inane chit chat at any opportunity; you can't walk past his desk without being stopped to be told about his local rugby team/his car/his wife and how much she drinks/the dead pigeon outside blah blah blah. Argh. :mad: I think I'm going to cry. I thought you liked me.:ohwell:wink

TheBigYinJames
31st October 2008, 13:51
He thinks we're "in it together"

He fancies you.

Bagpuss
31st October 2008, 13:52
Last year - guy from a very well known sauce hardware manufacturer walked into our offices at the time - he was with his Sales Director and said something along the lines of the following - I KID YOU NOT

"Right, What I need is every one of you to be quiet and listen to what I have to say as I am the expert and what I say is right; and the reason I am here is because none of you have a clue what you are doing"

At this stage we all looked at each other thinking "he is 'aving a laugh" but nope! He was dead serious!

The Programme Director says "Lets hear it then"

He then went on about how "his" solution was the best for about 45 mins totally ignoring our questions and comments.

At the end of the 45 mins the main Director just replied "Thanks, off you go."

It was just a class act! He didnt know what to say! LOL

Suffice to say he was removed from our account and subsequently fired from the sauce manufacturer.


Was it HP?

or Daddies?

Peoplesoft bloke
31st October 2008, 13:55
"Sauce Hardware" - bottles or those little sachets?

Liability
31st October 2008, 14:14
I forgot another class act as well!

Was a Tester when I was in Cheshire - he was off the scale on wierdness!

Was a proper wanabee Green Warrior once we saw him in the bushes watching rabbits!!

Pondlife
31st October 2008, 14:18
I forgot another class act as well!

Was a Tester when I was in Cheshire - he was off the scale on wierdness!

Was a proper wanabee Green Warrior once we saw him in the bushes watching rabbits!!

That's how it starts. Before you know it your videoing squirrels nibbling your nuts and posting it on the internet. :eek: Some people are sick.

BrilloPad
31st October 2008, 15:16
I once worked with a contractor who was abusive to foreigners. Not racist - was just your country of origin that counted.

He lost his legs in a train crash. quite a few people were happy.......

darmstadt
31st October 2008, 15:29
I once worked with a Aussie guy who stood up in a long and droning review meeting and said
"Ah FFS this is a load of bollocks I'm out of here"

I resemble that...I've done that numerous times. I remember a long meeting where all senior management were there and I was invited along as the techie. After discussing the same points numerous times I got up, said I have a real job to do and walked out. The number of times when I've been to meetings and the points have been discussed and minuted and then some bugger brings it up again at the end and I've told them to shut up as its already been discussed and been minuted are too many to count.

Bob Dalek
31st October 2008, 15:36
I have such low regard for my chimp colleagues that I would barely notice if they never came back into the office.

bellymonster
31st October 2008, 15:40
Where to start.....

The woman who was trapped in the 70's who wouldn't do anything without her twin sister in tow. They apparently even used to share the same bed (but before you get carried away they were v.v.ugly).

The bearded bloke that used only 2 phrases to describe every situation, a) "Its up and down like a brides nighty" and b) "You/It/They are as much use as a chocolate teapot/fireguard". He also like to hammer the keyboard which was made worse by the amount of Jim'll Fix It jewlery he used to wear.

The bloke who spent all day huffing louder and louder, spouting H&S laws if you hung your coat on the back of your chair, and was so obsessed with Sponge Bob Square Pants that he threatened to call the police when someone walked off with his SBSP dolly.

The chap who new nothing about IT, but knew how to spend all day picking his scabby elbows and flicking it in my direction.

The Yoda look-a-like who had a massive ego (probably to make up for his minature height) so arragant that he could easily talk himself out of securing any job at the interview.

The bloke who spent all his life with a ear piece in one ear just so he could enter the daily quiz on the lcoal radio. When that was over he would play chess for the rest of the day.

The boss who used to suffer from white froth appearing in the corner of his mouth, usually while he was giving you a ticking off. The froth would eventualy land in my direction. Also used to start every sentence with the word "S'kay"

I could probably go on.....

IT is pretty much full of freaks and weirdo's (me included).

Spacecadet
31st October 2008, 15:42
Where to start.....

The woman who was trapped in the 70's who wouldn't do anything without her twin sister in tow. They apparently even used to share the same bed (but before you get carried away they were v.v.ugly).

The bearded bloke that used only 2 phrases to describe every situation, a) "Its up and down like a brides nighty" and b) "You/It/They are as much use as a chocolate teapot/fireguard". He also like to hammer the keyboard which was made worse by the amount of Jim'll Fix It jewlery he used to wear.

The bloke who spent all day huffing louder and louder, spouting H&S laws if you hung your coat on the back of your chair, and was so obsessed with Sponge Bob Square Pants that he threatened to call the police when someone walked off with his SBSP dolly.

The chap who new nothing about IT, but knew how to spend all day picking his scabby elbows and flicking it in my direction.

The Yoda look-a-like who had a massive ego (probably to make up for his minature height) so arragant that he could easily talk himself out of securing any job at the interview.

The bloke who spent all his life with a ear piece in one ear just so he could enter the daily quiz on the lcoal radio. When that was over he would play chess for the rest of the day.

The boss who used to suffer from white froth appearing in the corner of his mouth, usually while he was giving you a ticking off. The froth would eventualy land in my direction. Also used to start every sentence with the word "S'kay"

I could probably go on.....

IT is pretty much full of freaks and weirdo's (me included).

sounds like I've been pretty lucky... although most of the time i'm the only (or most) technical bod in the team.

SallyAnne
31st October 2008, 15:43
I'll start

About 12 years ago I worked with a woman called Deborah, epitomy of a plain Jane, early 30s at the time but could have passed for 40s, wirey hair, middle aged clothes absolutely no sex appeal. So, the personality must have been strong?.. NO!..would walk past your desk in the morning, no hello, no goodbye in the evening. Any excuse to avoid contact with any other member of staff. Never came to lunch, never came for drinks. If she did speak it would usually be some sacastic comment.

I once found out, she had witnessed a violent attack outside her house. A group of masked criminals had dragged a guy out of the next door house and beat him about the body with baseball bats then bundled him into a car. the next day she came into work like nothing had happened. Most people would be a little shaken or feel the need to tell people about it.

This woman was a complete none person. Wonder if she considered contracting:wink

God I'm bored!

:spel ing

:rolleyes:

Diver
31st October 2008, 15:44
Where to start.....

The woman who was trapped in the 70's who wouldn't do anything without her twin sister in tow. They apparently even used to share the same bed (but before you get carried away they were v.v.ugly).

The bearded bloke that used only 2 phrases to describe every situation, a) "Its up and down like a brides nighty" and b) "You/It/They are as much use as a chocolate teapot/fireguard". He also like to hammer the keyboard which was made worse by the amount of Jim'll Fix It jewlery he used to wear.

The bloke who spent all day huffing louder and louder, spouting H&S laws if you hung your coat on the back of your chair, and was so obsessed with Sponge Bob Square Pants that he threatened to call the police when someone walked off with his SBSP dolly.

The chap who new nothing about IT, but knew how to spend all day picking his scabby elbows and flicking it in my direction.

The Yoda look-a-like who had a massive ego (probably to make up for his minature height) so arragant that he could easily talk himself out of securing any job at the interview.

The bloke who spent all his life with a ear piece in one ear just so he could enter the daily quiz on the lcoal radio. When that was over he would play chess for the rest of the day.

The boss who used to suffer from white froth appearing in the corner of his mouth, usually while he was giving you a ticking off. The froth would eventualy land in my direction. Also used to start every sentence with the word "S'kay"

I could probably go on.....

IT is pretty much full of freaks and weirdo's (me included).

:eek: You've just described the CUK membership :smokin

basshead
31st October 2008, 15:45
There was this really odd guy who used to 'sneak' off into the car park and pick up prozzers, smoke a joint then come back to his desk like it was normal.

Pondlife
31st October 2008, 15:46
There was this really odd guy who used to 'sneak' off into the car park and pick up prozzers, smoke a joint then come back to his desk like it was normal.

:laugh:laugh:laugh

Mich the Tester
31st October 2008, 15:47
The boss who used to suffer from white froth appearing in the corner of his mouth, usually while he was giving you a ticking off. The froth would eventualy land in my direction. Also used to start every sentence with the word "S'kay"

Whenever some bastard manager decides to blame me for the big tulippy mess he’s made of things I just remind myself I’m being paid about 1.50 euros a minute to watch him frothing at the mouth and turning red. I sometimes even grab a piece of paper and a pen to make it look like I'm taking them seriously, and sit there adding up how much money I'm making in the process of being bollocked.

Diver
31st October 2008, 15:47
There was this really odd guy who used to 'sneak' off into the car park and pick up prozzers, smoke a joint then come back to his desk like it was normal.

That is normal for HAB :confused:

He can be abnormal at times though :D

PAH
31st October 2008, 17:30
If you've never worked with any odd people, the odd one is you! [Courtesy of J. Carr One-Liners Ltd]

Only case I care to share (not come across many odd people :laugh) is one place where there were a bunch of help-deskers at the opposite end of the office. One of them was a really old guy (around 70) who now and then used to spend most of the day asleep. Fortunately he never snored. We reckoned he must have been the MD's dad to get away with it.

If I'm still contracting when I get that old I'll probably not give a toss and try it too. :D

Solent
31st October 2008, 17:46
A couple of years ago, I worked with a bloke who had this fascination for buses. Weekends, he would go up to Victoria Bus Station and take photos and numbers. The worst bit was that he would take extended lunches to go ride on a normal bus that he had not been on before so that he could cross it off in his book. Not so bad if you're retired but he was in his mid twenties called Gavin and lived / worked on the Isle of Wight. His screen saver even consisted of coach pictures and he waffled on constantly about them.

tay
31st October 2008, 18:38
:spel ing

:rolleyes:

:rolleyes:

Because you are so interesting.....

http://forums.contractoruk.com/general/34805-multiple-identities.html

HairyArsedBloke
31st October 2008, 18:51
A couple of years ago, I worked with a bloke who had this fascination for buses. Weekends, he would go up to Victoria Bus Station and take photos and numbers. The worst bit was that he would take extended lunches to go ride on a normal bus that he had not been on before so that he could cross it off in his book. Not so bad if you're retired but he was in his mid twenties called Gavin and lived / worked on the Isle of Wight. His screen saver even consisted of coach pictures and he waffled on constantly about them.

He is not alone - link (http://www.londonbusesbyadam.fotopic.net/).

Solent
31st October 2008, 18:57
He is not alone

I cannot believe that Website - They all look the bl**dy same :rollin::rollin:

Paddy
31st October 2008, 19:47
Worked with a contractor who used to nip out to the local knocking shop, sometimes twice a day. (He was on a daily rate)

PS: he also used to fall asleep in the loo. Enough said because he is a forum member too.

d000hg
31st October 2008, 23:56
He was on a daily rateWith the client or the knocking shop?

EternalOptimist
31st October 2008, 23:59
A couple of years ago, I worked with a bloke who had this fascination for buses. Weekends, he would go up to Victoria Bus Station and take photos and numbers. The worst bit was that he would take extended lunches to go ride on a normal bus that he had not been on before so that he could cross it off in his book. Not so bad if you're retired but he was in his mid twenties called Gavin and lived / worked on the Isle of Wight. His screen saver even consisted of coach pictures and he waffled on constantly about them.

Last year I was surfing for accommodation, I came across a site dedicated to CAR PARK aficianados
I shit you not



:rolleyes:

KentPhilip
1st November 2008, 00:40
With the client or the knocking shop?

:laugh:laugh:laugh

Pogle
1st November 2008, 11:43
I once worked with a bloke who, rather than buy us all a card at Christmas, would buy 1 card and send it round with a list for you to cross your name off when you'd seen it.

OwlHoot
1st November 2008, 11:59
I once worked with a bloke who, rather than buy us all a card at Christmas, would buy 1 card and send it round with a list for you to cross your name off when you'd seen it.

Chortle - That really takes the biscuit, or rather the mince pie.

I worked with a contractor who had a disastrous accident in the loo at the client site. Not what you might imagine, but when he sat down the seat broke and he fell off heavily, hitting his head on the wall and pulling a muscle.

I think he ended up stuck or immobile and had to be rescued; but he was so embarrassed he left the site immediately and we never saw him again.

MarillionFan
1st November 2008, 16:22
The oddest contractor was a bloke who used to pound the keys with such force it was a miracle to me that his keyboard survived.
When not doing that he used to spend his day on the phone to agents (at least that's who we think he was talking to) saying things like "tell them to fook it, I'm not doing it for less than £750 a day plus expenses" very loudly.

We were sat in room of poorly paid (albeit useless) permies. He didn't get a renewal.


That was me.

SantaClaus
1st November 2008, 23:32
I once worked with a bloke who, rather than buy us all a card at Christmas, would buy 1 card and send it round with a list for you to cross your name off when you'd seen it.

classic! :laugh

Now why didnt I think of that?

Diver
2nd November 2008, 00:28
I worked with a pigeon fancier once, used to talk about the damned things continuously, even had photo's of them on his desk, and the tail feathers of a prize bird that died; framed :freaky:

I still twitch when I see pigeons:ohwell

HermanDune
2nd November 2008, 09:48
You know who you are.

Francko
2nd November 2008, 10:05
I worked with a :spelsquirrel fancier once, used to talk about the damned things continuously, even had photo's of them on his desk, and the tail feathers of a prize :spelrat that died; framed :freaky:

I still twitch when I see :spelsquirrels:ohwell

:spel