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UK vs Rest of the World joke...

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    UK vs Rest of the World joke...

    > REST OF THE WORLD VERSION:
    >
    > The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
    > and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
    >
    > The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the
    > summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
    >
    > The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the
    > cold.
    >
    > THE END
    >
    > ------------------------------------------------------------------------
    >
    > THE U.K. VERSION:
    >
    > The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
    > his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
    >
    > The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the
    > summer away.
    >
    > Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
    >
    > A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press
    > conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be
    > warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are
    > cold and starving.
    >
    > The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper;
    > with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a
    > table laden with food.
    >
    > The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in a
    > country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so,
    > while others have plenty.
    >
    > The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council
    > of GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house.
    >
    > The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from Notting Hill with
    > breaking news, broadcasts a multi-cultural choir singing 'We shall
    > overcome'.
    >
    > Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the
    > squirrel got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an
    > immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his 'fair share' and
    > increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner London.
    >
    > In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the
    > Economic Equity and Grasshopper anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to
    > the beginning of the summer.
    >
    > The squirrel's taxes are reassessed.
    >
    > He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as
    > builders for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine
    > for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to
    > work.
    >
    > The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to
    > furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be
    > socially mobile. The squirrel's food is seized and re distributed to the
    > more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper.
    >
    > Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly
    > imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start
    > building a new home.
    >
    > The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a
    > temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get
    > to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On
    > arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Britain's apparent
    > love of dogs.
    >
    > The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking
    > and attempted bombing but were immediately released because the police
    > fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody.
    >
    > Initial moves to return them to their own country were abandoned,
    > because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats
    > devise and start a scam to obtain money from people's credit cards.
    >
    > A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the
    > squirrel's food, though spring is still months away, while the council
    > house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to
    > maintain the house.
    >
    > He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed
    > for the grasshoppers' drug 'illness'.
    >
    > The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment since
    > arrival in UK.
    >
    > The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary
    > to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released
    > immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks.
    >
    > He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and
    > supervise him.. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a
    > botched robbery.
    >
    > A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost £10,000,000 and state
    > the obvious, is set up.
    >
    > Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for
    > grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is
    > increased.
    >
    > The government praises the asylum-seeking cats for enriching Britain's
    > multicultural diversity, and dogs are criticised by the government for
    > failing to befriend the cats.
    >
    > The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press
    > blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes
    > of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of
    > prison.
    >
    > They call for the resignation of a government minister.
    >
    > The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were
    > infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in
    > the United Kingdom.
    >
    > The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing,
    > the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on
    > their credit cards to cover losses. Their taxes are increased to pay for
    > law and order, and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65
    > because of a shortfall in government funds.
    >
    > THE END
    The cycle of life: born > learn > work > learn > dead.

    #2
    Why is this not in light relief? Or at the end of the joke thread?

    Comment


      #3
      Because I posted it in General.
      The cycle of life: born > learn > work > learn > dead.

      Comment


        #4
        Originally posted by BrilloPad View Post
        Why is this not in light relief? Or at the end of the joke thread?
        No, this forum is it's rightful place.

        Comment


          #5
          It's satire and the rules clearly indicate that comedy posts go to "Light Relief".
          Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.

          C.S. Lewis

          Comment


            #6
            It is not a joke. It is the sad reality of the state we live in.

            A very interesting post it is too.

            Comment


              #7
              Sounds about right to me. Where's the bit about all the squirrels getting fecked off and jumping on a plane to somewhere nice and sunny, leaving the grasshoppers and cats free to live in their own tulip?
              Older and ...well, just older!!

              Comment


                #8
                Originally posted by ratewhore View Post
                Sounds about right to me. Where's the bit about all the squirrels getting fliped off and jumping on a plane to somewhere nice and sunny, leaving the grasshoppers and cats free to live in their own tulip?
                That part didn't happen because the exchange rate was f**ked up and they couldn't afford to do it at the 11th hour.
                The cycle of life: born > learn > work > learn > dead.

                Comment

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