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Friday Funnies

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    Friday Funnies

    Let's hear your Friday Funnies.

    I'll start it off........

    A blonde was driving down the motorway when her mobile phone rang.
    It was her husband, urgently warning her: "Honey, I just heard on the news
    that there's a car going the wrong way on the M25. Please be careful!"
    "It's not just one car!" said the blonde, "There's f***ing hundreds of
    them!"

    #2
    Q. Whats the difference between a Politician and a Drugs Dealer ?

    A. One is a dealer in dope and the other is a dealer in hope ...

    Comment


      #3
      Claude took to the stage, he announced,



      "Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto
      the stage to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every
      member of this audience."



      The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful
      antique pocket watch from his coat.



      "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very
      special watch. It's been in my family for six generations."



      He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly
      chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, and watch the watch..."



      The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light
      gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed
      the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's
      fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.



      "S ** t!" exclaimed Claude.



      It took 2 weeks to clean up the theatre
      Chico, what time is it?

      Comment


        #4
        I'm in the wrong game my pimp takes 15% net ! - now thats a joke!
        SA says;
        Well you looked so stylish I thought you batted for the other camp - thats like the ultimate compliment!

        I couldn't imagine you ever having a hair out of place!

        n5gooner is awarded +5 Xeno Geek Points.
        (whatever these are)

        Comment


          #5
          PETER KAY QUESTIONS:

          1 Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

          2 Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

          3 Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

          4 Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

          5 Why do they use sterilised needles for death by lethal injection?

          6 Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

          7 Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a gun at him?

          8 Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

          9 Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

          10 What is the speed of darkness?

          11 Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at The Special Olympics?

          12 If you send someone 'Styrofoam', how do you pack it?

          13 If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

          14 If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

          15 If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?

          16 Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

          17 If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation?

          18 Can you cry under water?

          19 What level of importance must a person have , before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

          20 If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

          21 Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

          22 How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on bigger suitcases ?

          23 Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up, like, every two hours?

          24 If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

          25 Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

          26 Why do doctors, when they ask you to strip, leave the room or close the cubicle curtain while you change? They're still going to see you naked anyway.

          Comment

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