Boomed...

[NickFitz]

Just got given a printout of a Gantt chart. Being in the sixth week of a three month contract, it was nice to see that my time is allocated on this project until late November

[chef]

dont trust charts..

mine was on it up until mid 2010 2 weeks ago, then a contract was cancelled for the same client on a different site meaning a lot of agency permies were benched and being paid, all external contractors arenow being replaced with the agency permies..

[BrowneIssue]

BrowneIssue Dictionary of Project Management

Gantt chart
Noun. A management pacification tool taking the appearance of a grid-type display showing lots of horizontal bars. To be fully effective, a Gantt chart should use as much colour as possible, have arbitrary diamonds and triangles, show half-height lines alongside the bigger lines and have some %ages printed at the ends of the bars. Using a font size no bigger than Point 6 Flyspeck is advised. Bold and italics should be used randomly on over-abbreviated long words down the left hand side.

What should it contain in the way of detail? That is immaterial. Nobody in the entire world has ever managed to read and understand someone else's Gantt chart.

As a precaution, you may wish to spell Gantt as GANTT somewhere in the title of the chart. Whichever arsehole points out it is not an acronym is the dangerous one. It is to that individual that no answers should be directed. If pressed, only do so in the most vaguely precise way: "It's like the man month problem: we cannot employ 1.63 people nor dismiss them on Tuesday and re-employ them on Thursday. Ha, ha! Don't worry, it's just a levelling thing."

If nobody mentions Gantt is not an acronym you may say and do anything you wish for the duration of your contract or the budget, whichever is the greater.

Additional.
If you are in a project team and your project manager is using Gantt charts to report to management, you may feel secure and invest in pot plants to brighten up the office. You will be there a while.

If you are in a project team an your project manager is using Gantt charts to give feedback to you, feel free to urinate in the coffee pot each morning.

If you are in a project team and it appears your project manager is using Gantt charts to manage the project, start stealing the stationery today while there is still time.

If you are a senior manager and your project manager is reporting to you using a Gantt chart, ask them to also provide their underlying PERT data at the next project review. If they do so at the next meeting, you have a keen and novice project manager who will ultimately fail due to their own micromanagement. If they fail to turn up to the next project review, be glad. If they say "You're looking at it" you have a smart arse, devious, lying project manager and the Gantt chart you are looking at is a work of patronising fiction. Be assured that everything will probably be fine.

Secret tip for CUKers, do not pass on:
If someone ever emails you a Microsoft Project plan, open the document properties and you will see where they cribbed it from. It will usually be a public sector client as 'manager' and a management consultancy as 'author'. The project will be some immense failure. This is always true.

[tino]

BrowneIssue Dictionary of Project Management

Gantt chart
Noun. A management pacification tool taking the appearance of a grid-type display showing lots of horizontal bars. To be fully effective, a Gantt chart should use as much colour as possible, have arbitrary diamonds and triangles, show half-height lines alongside the bigger lines and have some %ages printed at the ends of the bars. Using a font size no bigger than Point 6 Flyspeck is advised. Bold and italics should be used randomly on over-abbreviated long words down the left hand side.

What should it contain in the way of detail? That is immaterial. Nobody in the entire world has ever managed to read and understand someone else's Gantt chart.

As a precaution, you may wish to spell Gantt as GANTT somewhere in the title of the chart. Whichever arsehole points out it is not an acronym is the dangerous one. It is to that individual that no answers should be directed. If pressed, only do so in the most vaguely precise way: "It's like the man month problem: we cannot employ 1.63 people nor dismiss them on Tuesday and re-employ them on Thursday. Ha, ha! Don't worry, it's just a levelling thing."

If nobody mentions Gantt is not an acronym you may say and do anything you wish for the duration of your contract or the budget, whichever is the greater.

Additional.
If you are in a project team and your project manager is using Gantt charts to report to management, you may feel secure and invest in pot plants to brighten up the office. You will be there a while.

If you are in a project team an your project manager is using Gantt charts to give feedback to you, feel free to urinate in the coffee pot each morning.

If you are in a project team and it appears your project manager is using Gantt charts to manage the project, start stealing the stationery today while there is still time.

If you are a senior manager and your project manager is reporting to you using a Gantt chart, ask them to also provide their underlying PERT data at the next project review. If they do so at the next meeting, you have a keen and novice project manager who will ultimately fail due to their own micromanagement. If they fail to turn up to the next project review, be glad. If they say "You're looking at it" you have a smart arse, devious, lying project manager and the Gantt chart you are looking at is a work of patronising fiction. Be assured that everything will probably be fine.

Secret tip for CUKers, do not pass on:
If someone ever emails you a Microsoft Project plan, open the document properties and you will see where they cribbed it from. It will usually be a public sector client as 'manager' and a management consultancy as 'author'. The project will be some immense failure. This is always true.

That my friend is absolute nonsense. As a "project planner" this is my bread and butter and I've gained numerous contracts because of my ability to asses where we can save time, all presented in the form of a GANTT.

The issue here, is Microsoft Project. It's a toy town tool which is not capable of doing what PM's and PD's need to see, the sooner the IT, Banking and Public Sector financiers realise they need to invest in a proper tool like Primavera P3/P6 the better.

I've just about had it with MSP as it's tulipe.

[BrilloPad]

Just got given a printout of a Gantt chart. Being in the sixth week of a three month contract, it was nice to see that my time is allocated on this project until late November

And who can blame them. Lucky them to have cuk's top techie on board. I hope your rate increase is a huge one......

[Pogle]

Hope it works out for you - but proceed with caution as we live in interesting times.

[BrowneIssue]

That my friend

What is it about the expression 'my friend' that makes my blood boil?

is absolute nonsense. As a "project planner" this is my bread and butter

Ooh, look at you: you can use MS Project. So you're a user. Wow.

and I've gained numerous contracts because of my ability to asses where we can save time,

All theoretical savings. And a Gantt chart does not do that, PERT does. A Gantt chart is just a pretty picture.

all presented in the form of a GANTT.

All in capitals.

Excuse me while I go and change my underpants - I've just wet myself laughing.

[BrilloPad]

Excuse me while I go and change my underpants - I've just wet myself laughing.

Too much information : rather like in tpd yesterday........

[tino]

What is it about the expression 'my friend' that makes my blood boil?

Ooh, look at you: you can use MS Project. So you're a user. Wow.

All theoretical savings. And a Gantt chart does not do that, PERT does. A Gantt chart is just a pretty picture.

All in capitals.

Excuse me while I go and change my underpants - I've just wet myself laughing.

**** off

[tino]

btw, the GANTT reference was just for chuckles