Divorce while a contractor?

**Mich the Tester** · 19 May 2009, 10:37

Buy an old VW camper and a surfboard, empty the company account and f**k off somewhere sunny.

Otherwise, talk to a solicitor before discussing it with her.

**suityou01** · 19 May 2009, 10:40

Originally posted by pleomax View Post

Hi Mrs Pleomax has said she wants a divorce as I never show her affection any more! We have three children 6yo, 3 yo & 1 yo.

I dont want that but she has asked me to come to the Marital home this evening to discuss some things.

Now the question I have thinking the worse, (I dont want this to happen) is what do i actually earn? I have been living on expenses for the last 6 months and not taking paye at the moment.

Wife is an equal share holder, with the understanding that she would do invoices and paperwork but has managed to do two invoices, out of the 25 which have been issued. Not complaining but just setting the scene.

So can any one point me in the right direction here? I know there will be some of you who will come up with off the wall replies and would expect nothing less, it may life my mood of late.

Genuinely sorry to hear that mate. Feel really gutted for the kids. Mich is spot on here.

**HairyArsedBloke** · 19 May 2009, 10:40

Originally posted by Mich the Tester View Post

Buy an old VW camper and a surfboard, empty the company account and f**k off somewhere sunny.

Otherwise, talk to a solicitor before discussing it with her.

I vote for option 1. Do it before she does.

**Platypus** · 19 May 2009, 10:45

At this stage, I wouldn't be discussing finances with her. I'd be discussing the marriage, the effect that divorce will have on the children, and so on. See if anything can be salvaged. I must say that I've missed being a full-time dad to my kids.

Meanwhile, you might consider how to get your wife's shares back - maybe she'll do a deal where she gets the house in exchange for the shares?

I'm sure others will have plenty of more specific advice, but one thing I do know from my own experience and that of others is that you need to start thinking clearly and coolly about your own financial future and how to secure it.

IME divorce turns nasty when the subject of money comes up.

If I had my time again: I knew the marriage was heading for the rocks. I should have stuck it out longer while (secretly) making plans for my financial future.

EDIT: basically I'm agreeing with Mich - get the money out!

**realityhack** · 19 May 2009, 10:57

Hmm...

Is she saying she wants a divorce, or does she want a divorce? Crucial difference.

If it's for something as tenuous (and solveable) as 'you don't show me affection anymore', and she wants to divorce, I'd suggest that either she has a really trivial view of marriage, or she's lying about the reason.

If she's only saying she wants to split but would stick around if the situation changed (and if you're at fault - you made a demonstrable effort to change), then I'd probably be livid that she's using divorce as a bargaining chip and sad that communications are so poor it's got to this stage... and then have to look long and hard in the mirror and see if she has a point, if it's you that has to change.

How much forewarning have you had? Ages?

If you've been on the rocks for a long time, then have you considered counselling? If this is no surprise and you've seen it coming, then why haven't you extricated her from your finances already?

If this is out of the blue - then it stinks of 'affair' to me. I'd speak softly and try to reconcile up front - while making sure your exit strategy is watertight behind her back.

Only my opinion. I may be completely off the chart.

**BrilloPad** · 19 May 2009, 11:03

"she has asked me to come to the Marital home this evening to discuss some things."

Are you saying you have moved out?

FFS move back in straight away : and do not leave.

For a start you can see more of your kids. And financially it is crucial.

Offer to go to relate : offer to do anything to save things.

**pleomax** · 19 May 2009, 11:04

Got no where to put the money, i am looking for a permie role as contracting in my sector has dried up (Non IT remeber). There will be enough in there to last us 5 months (Assuming that i was still living at home etc).

There seems to be no reconcilliation with her, she has been moaning since last saturday when i had a breakdown and she threw me out, about how she has never had her own money, never done any training courses etc.

I pointed out there was never any question about her having money and she has a cash card to the joint account, I told her to do some course last year but she bottled it and didnt even apply, but she forgets that now and says it was all my fault for "getting made redundant" so she couldnt do the courses.

She has said i am not welcome back at the house unless i make an apointment, ffs how harsh is that?

She is the one that has the "friend" thats plays her compliments on the xbox and via mobile, not commited adultery but she is liking the idea that someone is playing her compliments, but forgets the fact that i am running around the country earning money for the business so she can have all the flashy stuff like ipods and expensive speaker systems and looking after the children wheni get home and taking them out at weekends so she has some "free" time.

Maybe i should be like Benny Hill and carry the cash around with me in a carrier bag?

**BrilloPad** · 19 May 2009, 11:08

Originally posted by pleomax View Post

Got no where to put the money, i am looking for a permie role as contracting in my sector has dried up (Non IT remeber). There will be enough in there to last us 5 months (Assuming that i was still living at home etc).

There seems to be no reconcilliation with her, she has been moaning since last saturday when i had a breakdown and she threw me out, about how she has never had her own money, never done any training courses etc.

I pointed out there was never any question about her having money and she has a cash card to the joint account, I told her to do some course last year but she bottled it and didnt even apply, but she forgets that now and says it was all my fault for "getting made redundant" so she couldnt do the courses.

She has said i am not welcome back at the house unless i make an apointment, ffs how harsh is that?

She is the one that has the "friend" thats plays her compliments on the xbox and via mobile, not commited adultery but she is liking the idea that someone is playing her compliments, but forgets the fact that i am running around the country earning money for the business so she can have all the flashy stuff like ipods and expensive speaker systems and looking after the children wheni get home and taking them out at weekends so she has some "free" time.

Maybe i should be like Benny Hill and carry the cash around with me in a carrier bag?

What did your breakdown involve? Do you need help?

She has no right to determine who lives at the house. Move back in and DO NOT MOVE BACK OUT.

REmind her she needs to think of the children.

Has she any family/friends who can talk some sense into her?

**GardenGirl** · 19 May 2009, 11:10

It really does depend on the state of your marriage and whether it is

a) possibe to save
b) you both want to save

If it's not possible, i'd personally come up with a financial plan with her before she goes down the CSA and solicitor route as usually when it comes to that it ends up costing you a lot more.

Failing that surfing full time does sounds like a lot more fun than this

Divorce while a contractor?