EO, tell us more about Australia

[Numpty]

Is it true you can't get a decent cup of tea?

Is it true the ginger nuts in the Western Territories are inferior to those elsewhere?

Is the lager any good at all? Do they sell Fosters / Castlemaine 4X over there? Do they do ale?

Do they have spider-filled dunnies out the back?

Do they insist on sugar-coated burnt bacon like the Yanks?

What's the bread like?

Do they do cheese?

Are petrol stations self-service?

Are they annoyingly optimistic and cheerful like the Yanks, or miserable and happy with it like us?

Is it the macho place they portray where even the women can puke across the road or are all those fit, tanned, barbecueing blokes good with recipes?

Do they really have bars that can be hosed down at the end of the night?

Is it as clean and environmentally cuddly as they portray or do they have litter-filled streets, lawn sprinklers and gas-powered patio heaters?

Are they polite, good God-fearing Christians like Aberdonian housewives or just gun-toting, red-necked imbeciles like Southern States USA inbreds?

Was the empty outback the best bit?

Would you go back? Would you stay?

[minestrone]

When you go down to pick up some beers from the 'bottle shop' they have walk in fridges.

To a Glaswegian that is a clear sign they are a superior civilization.

[Numpty]

When you go down to pick up some beers from the 'bottle shop' they have walk in fridges.

To a Glaswegian that is a clear sign they are a superior civilization.

There's a general store in Taunton with one of those. And themz bain't no zuperior zivilization down thar. (Hmm. I can't do a Somerset accent, obviously.)

Do you have fridges in Glasgow? Whatever for?

[minestrone]

There's a general store in Taunton with one of those. And themz bain't no zuperior zivilization down thar. (Hmm. I can't do a Somerset accent, obviously.)

Do you have fridges in Glasgow? Whatever for?

Well seeing as though William John Macquorn Rankine was a Glaswegian and your fridge will work on the reverse Rankine cycle it pains me to admit we have to go down to the river to cool our beers.

[EternalOptimist]

Is it true you can't get a decent cup of tea?

Is it true the ginger nuts in the Western Territories are inferior to those elsewhere?

Is the lager any good at all? Do they sell Fosters / Castlemaine 4X over there? Do they do ale?

Do they have spider-filled dunnies out the back?

Do they insist on sugar-coated burnt bacon like the Yanks?

What's the bread like?

Do they do cheese?

Are petrol stations self-service?

Are they annoyingly optimistic and cheerful like the Yanks, or miserable and happy with it like us?

Is it the macho place they portray where even the women can puke across the road or are all those fit, tanned, barbecueing blokes good with recipes?

Do they really have bars that can be hosed down at the end of the night?

Is it as clean and environmentally cuddly as they portray or do they have litter-filled streets, lawn sprinklers and gas-powered patio heaters?

Are they polite, good God-fearing Christians like Aberdonian housewives or just gun-toting, red-necked imbeciles like Southern States USA inbreds?

Was the empty outback the best bit?

Would you go back? Would you stay?

G'Day

Q.Is it true the ginger nuts in the Western Territories are inferior to those elsewhere?
A.It's Western Australia and the Northern Territories - two different states.
The missus is the biscuit eater rather than me, she never mentioned the ginger snaps. But Australian food tastes subtley different due to the fats and fat content, salt and sugar content. After 4 weeks I was getting over the novelty and finding most things revolting, it would be another few months before I would have gotten used to it.

Q.Is the lager any good at all? Do they sell Fosters / Castlemaine 4X over there? Do they do ale?
A.I mostly drank TEDs , tooeys extra dry, or VB ,Victoria bitter. Some places they only do bottles, which is a bummer. I nearly got chucked out of a roadhouse in Kununura for asking for draught. Locals came over and asked 'where's the fkng pommie who's complaining about a draught'

Q.Do they have spider-filled dunnies out the back?
A.A few, some of the dunnies at the roadhouses are a bit rough. The missus packed a bog roll in her handbag and a packet of scented moisturised wipes.
she used them often.
I got some photographs of an open pit dunny near cockatoo creek WA, I couldnt bring myself to lower my delicate scouse bum onto the conctrete circle, so I photographed it instead. It was so gloomy, there could have been a battalion of funnel webs just waiting to climb up me tackle.

I did a lot of open-air free-style pooing and found the austrlian five dollar note to be particularly absorbant, although a bit expensive given the exchange rate.

Q.Do they insist on sugar-coated burnt bacon like the Yanks?
A.The bacon is very mixed quality. Half the time it is so fatty and pale, its hard to find any meat at all.
The australians do not do bacon well.

Q.What's the bread like?
A.The bread was good. We had to live on butties for a while and had no trouble with mould or bread going stale. DO NOT carry your butter, even in a cold bag. It will go runny, leak and get over everything.

Q.Do they do cheese?
A.Yes a good variety and good quality, nice cheddar. You can live on cheese, ham and tomato butties in the outback quite easily. Nick sachets of salt and pepper from McDonalds at base camp.

Q.Are petrol stations self-service?
A.The urban stations are just like our. In the outback there are places called road-houses. Some of there have an attendant.
A road house is an Australian institution. They can be a hundred miles from anywhere, run by four or five people. A few petrol pumps, some trinkets for the tourists, a few rooms made out of corrugated iron, a shower block, a bar selling stubbies, a pool table. And a fkng emu in a coral. They all have an emu in a fkng coral. Some have peacocks. Some have caravan hook ups.


Q.Are they annoyingly optimistic and cheerful like the Yanks, or miserable and happy with it like us?
A.There are four main cultures in Australia. Urban white, rural White, Urban black and rural black.
They are more like us than like the Americans. I had very little difficuly striking up a conversation and chatted for hours in the pub with these guys. They have a very interesting trait, which I havent worked out yet. 'So and so might be xxx , but HE'S A GOOD AUSTRALIAN'
'Listen you might say that but I AM PROUD TO BE AUSTRALIAN'

If an Englishman talked like that, you'd be looking for the rubber wallpaper.


Q.Is it as clean and environmentally cuddly as they portray or do they have litter-filled streets, lawn sprinklers and gas-powered patio heaters?

A.There is a powerful politically correct lobby in Australia and they run the agenda. This is urban white and probably not that numerous. They are a real menace.
Petrol is half UK prices, cars are getting smaller, patio heaters are more common than ever. Lawn sprinklers everywhere, even in Alice Springs and Darwin.
White rural - probably anti environment movement, because they see it as ignorant interferance.
Black rural - Dont know enough.
Black urban. I have seen this before you beat me up. Seen it a dozen times.
Sitting around in a big family circle under the fig trees. Drinking from wine casks and bottles,all day and every day, throwing the empties onto the green behind them. I met the guy whose job was solely to drive there in the council vehicle next morning at 6 a.m., to clear up the mess ready for the next day.

Q.Is it the macho place they portray where even the women can puke across the road or are all those fit, tanned, barbecueing blokes good with recipes?
A.The older generation - definately. Some of the youngsters - yes, but the rest are latte drinking beautiful-set cosmopolitans.


Q.Are they polite, good God-fearing Christians like Aberdonian housewives or just gun-toting, red-necked imbeciles like Southern States USA inbreds?
A. Well I got threatened with a knife outside Bo Jangles in Alice Springs, and I got caught up in a street riot in Rockingham WA.
Plus in the outback, most of the roadsigns have bulletholes in them. On my first trip I got a classic photo of a sign 'Welcome to the outback'
20 foot high.
The second time it had been taken down, shot to bits.


Q.Was the empty outback the best bit?
A.The reason why we do it is because of the contrast as much as the place itself. We have done similar trips in the USA and Canada. In fact I had planned the 'fire and ice' trip for this year from California to Anchorage till the missus overruled me.
The empty outback is magical. When I got back and went into Bolton, I panicked. Too many people.

Q.Would you go back? Would you stay?
A.We will be going back. We have enough dosh in the warchest for two more trips to somewhere.
FYI we can do a trip like this for about 5k - pm me for info if you are interested. There are a million pitfalls - be forearmed.

would we stay ? I am mid fifties now, the missus is a little older. We would have to strike it lucky to be alowed.

[minestrone]

There are a lot of racial divisions in Australia, was told a few times not to go near certain areas in Sydney. Casual racism is certainly much more common in Australia. You would get hung for saying "bunch of p***s" here and quite rightly so but "bunch of abbos" or "bunch of Lebs" are fairly common terms.

They do dislike the poms quite a bit. Was asked "are you a pom" many times, "no, I am from Scotland", "that's alright then". Mel Gibson has done more for the SNP that William Wallace ever did.

[EternalOptimist]

There are a lot of racial divisions in Australia, was told a few times not to go near certain areas in Sydney. Casual racism is certainly much more common in Australia. You would get hung for saying "bunch of p***s" here and quite rightly so but "bunch of abbos" or "bunch of Lebs" are fairly common terms.

They do dislike the poms quite a bit. Was asked "are you a pom" many times, "no, I am from Scotland", "that's alright then". Mel Gibson has done more for the SNP that William Wallace ever did.

yep, thats white Urban folks. Did you get out into the sticks at all Minestrone ?

[minestrone]

yep, thats white Urban folks. Did you get out into the sticks at all Minestrone ?

Na, never got out of Sydney in 9 months. He says lining up loads of jokes.

Taxi has arrived to take me to football, elaborate later.

[swamp]

I concur with most of what EO says.

Urban white PC brigade was *very* PC and contrasted starkly with the white rural folk. Many Australians are racked with guilt because their (great) grandparents' generation shot the blacks as vermin. Others openly wonder why they didn't finish off the job (like they did in Tas).

They don't like us. In particular, they don't like the English. Don't really know why as they basically are us. Some of them blame us for shooting the abbos.

[TimberWolf]

I concur with most of what EO says.

Urban white PC brigade was *very* PC and contrasted starkly with the white rural folk. Many Australians are racked with guilt because their (great) grandparents' generation shot the blacks as vermin. Others openly wonder why they didn't finish off the job (like they did in Tas).

They don't like us. In particular, they don't like the English. Don't really know why as they basically are us. Some of them blame us for shooting the abbos.

They are always by our side when times are rough though, and the Kiwi's.