Things it's taken me 40 years to learn.

[DaveB]

Ok, so I may be a slow learner, still :

• 1- You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and
  compelling reason why we observe British Summer Time.
  
• 2- You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely
  suggests you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby
  emerging from her at that moment.
  
• 3- The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
  
• 4- The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age,
  gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that,
  deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.
• 5- There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to
  make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.
  
• 6- There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
  
• 7- People who want to share their religious views with you almost
  never want you to share yours with them.
  
• 8- If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race
  has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that
  word would be “meetings.”
  
• 9- The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to
  annoy people who are not in them.
  
• 10- If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all
  of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He
  will not use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad
  hairstyle.
  
• 11- You should not confuse your career with your life.
  
• 12- A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a
  nice person.
  
• 13- No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too
  seriously.
  
• 14- When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one
  individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command.
  Very often, that individual is crazy.
  
• 15- Your friends love you, anyway.
  
• 16- Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.

[PorkPie]

Ok, so I may be a slow learner, still :

• 1- You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and
  compelling reason why we observe British Summer Time.

Its so your curtains don't fade as quickly

[DimPrawn]

There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”

AtW, are you listening?

[threaded]

Ok, so I may be a slow learner, still :

• 1- You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and
  compelling reason why we observe British Summer Time.
  
• 2- You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely
  suggests you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby
  emerging from her at that moment.
  
• 3- The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
  
• 4- The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age,
  gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that,
  deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.
• 5- There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to
  make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.
  
• 6- There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
  
• 7- People who want to share their religious views with you almost
  never want you to share yours with them.
  
• 8- If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race
  has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that
  word would be “meetings.”
  
• 9- The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to
  annoy people who are not in them.
  
• 10- If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all
  of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He
  will not use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad
  hairstyle.
  
• 11- You should not confuse your career with your life.
  
• 12- A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a
  nice person.
  
• 13- No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too
  seriously.
  
• 14- When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one
  individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command.
  Very often, that individual is crazy.
  
• 15- Your friends love you, anyway.
  
• 16- Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.

#16, always, every chance you get. Just get up an' do that funky chicken...

[Diver]

7- People who want to share their religious views with you almost
never want you to share yours with them.

As a Satanist, I find this very true of the people that occasionally knock on my door to bring the good word.

[Platypus]

#16, always, every chance you get. Just get up an' do that funky chicken...

The Funky Gibbon, surely?

[darmstadt]

The Funky Gibbon, surely?

The b-side is better, Sick Man Blues, sample:

I've thrown up over Indians
I've thrown up over Jews
Now come on over here baby and I'll throw up over you
(or was it I've thrown up all over my Blue Suede Shoes, been a long time since I've played it)
Throw it up, throw it up, up up bluurch!

[AtW]

There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”

AtW, are you listening?

I am not the listening type... apparently

[swamp]

1. We have BST to save energy on lighting, and heating to a lesser extent. In the War it was a 2 hour gap. Of course now we have so-called low energy lighting maybe it's time scrap BST.

[rootsnall]

Should the pearls of wisdom not be accompanied by a catchy tune, something along the lines of the The Sunscreen Song.