OK own up. Which one of you Fathers for Justice bods is this ?
(Darn, I wish no one had mentioned that site - I've wasted an hour browsing it already.)
Symon, it's not the unconventional spelling of your name that irks me - although I am not alone in our office in suspecting that you substituted a 'y' for an 'i' back in your Leicester de Montfort days in an effort to make yourself seem more interesting. Nor is it your insistence on rushing to the disabled loo to take a marathon (and, as far as any of us can tell, able-bodied) tulip the moment you see poor Leila wheel herself in its direction, leaving her to wait outside like a soviet peasant queuing for bread. No, these are the things that really make me want to punch you in the cock:
1) Your claim to have been 'part of Fathers 4 Justice's War Cabinet'. When I asked you which super hero you dressed up as to highlight the iniquities of Britain's family courts, you told me 'Blade'. When I pointed out that Blade is black, and you are white, you just laughed and muttered 'Aah, Bisto!'. Minstrel makeup is not a good look for divorced men with only supervised access to their kids, especially if it makes you smell like a Ginsters eaten in a hot car.
2) Your weird screen-saver in which you have photoshopped Princess Anne's face onto a picture of the Queen. When I asked you about it, you told me. 'The Princess Royal is Tenth in Line to the Throne. It could happen, and Zara Phillips wouldn't need to be hurt'.
3) That time you tried to buy breast milk on ebay to give to your 13 year old nephew because 'he's at an impressionable age, and I don't want him making a mistake in the showers after soccer'.
4) The fact that, every Christmas since you started work here, the gift you have contributed to the office's Secret Santa is a homemade VHS of the final episode of 'Blackadder Goes Fourth'. Your motivation?: 'Political, mate. I need to wake you sleepwalkers up'.
5) That time you told me about finding a beached pilot whale when you were taking a midnight stroll on Tenby Beach: 'As it lay dying, I put my mouth over its blow-hole and inhaled its last, magnificent breath'.
1) Your claim to have been 'part of Fathers 4 Justice's War Cabinet'. When I asked you which super hero you dressed up as to highlight the iniquities of Britain's family courts, you told me 'Blade'. When I pointed out that Blade is black, and you are white, you just laughed and muttered 'Aah, Bisto!'. Minstrel makeup is not a good look for divorced men with only supervised access to their kids, especially if it makes you smell like a Ginsters eaten in a hot car.
2) Your weird screen-saver in which you have photoshopped Princess Anne's face onto a picture of the Queen. When I asked you about it, you told me. 'The Princess Royal is Tenth in Line to the Throne. It could happen, and Zara Phillips wouldn't need to be hurt'.
3) That time you tried to buy breast milk on ebay to give to your 13 year old nephew because 'he's at an impressionable age, and I don't want him making a mistake in the showers after soccer'.
4) The fact that, every Christmas since you started work here, the gift you have contributed to the office's Secret Santa is a homemade VHS of the final episode of 'Blackadder Goes Fourth'. Your motivation?: 'Political, mate. I need to wake you sleepwalkers up'.
5) That time you told me about finding a beached pilot whale when you were taking a midnight stroll on Tenby Beach: 'As it lay dying, I put my mouth over its blow-hole and inhaled its last, magnificent breath'.
(Darn, I wish no one had mentioned that site - I've wasted an hour browsing it already.)
