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wurzel
6th January 2011, 20:58
I think this may qualify as being bedwetterish but wtf.

I've always resisted the temptation to move into lodgings despite the savings that can be made over staying in a hotel / B&B;

This time, I've taken the plunge as everywhere around here is really expensive & I've wound up in exactly the scenario I've always dreaded.

Quite a young couple, bloke is ok, she seemed ok at first though I should have smelled a rat when she kept calling me darling and pawing me as she spoke to me. In marketing, you see. The 8 cats should also have been a giveaway.

Anyway, now I'm in, the niceties have finished & she seems to enjoy laying down the law at every opportunity. Normally trivial stuff like putting the wrong stuff in the rubbish bin etc. I'm also forbidden from eating anywhere other than in the kitchen & every time I go in there they seem to be having a blazing row. Not much fun tip toeing around on eggshells after a stressful day at the office.

Anyway, the final straw came tonight when I tried to strike up a conversation over my attempt at trying a bit of healthy eating. She looked at my packet of raspberries and launched into a diatribe about "food miles". Unfortunately I'm on 2 weeks notice & I've just given it to her - I'm expecting 2 weeks of hell.

Days Inn at Fleet Services on the M3 is going to seem like paradise after this.

EternalOptimist
6th January 2011, 21:01
:eek: unbelievable.

How on earth can you justify this ?? eating rasberries is just desroying the planet man. Think about the children you selfish bastid. I bet you would eat a polar bear as well if you got the chance




:rolleyes:

Cliphead
6th January 2011, 21:04
Before you leave buy some raw prawns and leave them under a floorboard or inside the tubular curtain rails if they have them. After a few weeks life will be unbearable :smokin

EternalOptimist
6th January 2011, 21:07
Before you leave buy some raw prawns and leave them under a floorboard or inside the tubular curtain rails if they have them. After a few weeks life will be unbearable :smokin

heheh,

and just to be a total bastid, tell them you are moving out because of a funny smell. after a week, when the nerve endings in their nostrils have burned out, they will say 'bugger me, he was right'



:rolleyes:

wurzel
6th January 2011, 21:18
under a floorboard

Don't mention the floorboards. I'm right under their room - whenever they make a movement, the floorbords don't creak, they screech. Gonna save myself a fortune in earplugs when I've moved.

EternalOptimist
6th January 2011, 21:21
Don't mention the floorboards. I'm right under their room - whenever they make a movement, the floorbords don't creak, they screech. Gonna save myself a fortune in earplugs when I've moved.


stop it

im crying here:rollin:


:rolleyes:

Cliphead
6th January 2011, 21:22
stop it

im crying here:rollin:


:rolleyes:

Forget the prawns borrow AtW's Ak47...

wurzel
6th January 2011, 21:27
stop it

im crying here:rollin:


:rolleyes:

Just one more thing. Yesterday she locked me in. I went to the front door to go to work & she'd locked it on the mortice lock - I only have the yale key. Mobile phone was dead (left charger outside in car) so I couldn't phone her. All windows with window locks & couldnt find any keys. Finally managed to get attention of a passer by by jumping around like a lunatic in front of the living room window & he knocked up the neighbours. Took nearly 2 hours in all. When she finally came to let me out all the cheeky cow could say was that at least I'd had plenty of time for a relaxing breakfast. And you say you're crying!

MarillionFan
6th January 2011, 21:30
Sounds similar to me once before.

Where are you working anyway. I live nr Fleet but the miss us said no to letting you have the west wing. I could get you a number for a bloke who rents rooms in Basingstoke.

wurzel
6th January 2011, 21:32
Sounds similar to me once before.

Where are you working anyway. I live nr Fleet but the miss us said no to letting you have the west wing. I could get you a number for a bloke who rents rooms in Basingstoke.

Basingstoke as it happens. Are they house shares or self contained flats?

EternalOptimist
6th January 2011, 21:34
Basingstoke as it happens. Are they house shares or self contained flats?

stay in my spare room if you want. 5£ a month. but no prawns - its the law



:rolleyes:

MarillionFan
6th January 2011, 21:35
Basingstoke as it happens. Are they house shares or self contained flats?

House shares. The guy rents to contractors on the whole so it's have a room during the week, most piss off at the w/e but you can leave your gear.

wurzel
6th January 2011, 21:37
House shares. The guy rents to contractors on the whole so it's have a room during the week, most piss off at the w/e but you can leave your gear.

Excellent - could you pm me his contact details?

RichardCranium
6th January 2011, 21:58
And you say you're crying!I'm not! :laugh

Peoplesoft bloke
6th January 2011, 22:21
8 Cats - enough said.

MarillionFan
6th January 2011, 22:30
8 Cats - enough said.

I was at a place once where after a couple of weeks the bloke asked me to **** his wife on camera. I said no, so he asked me to film then.

It went down hill after that

Clippy
6th January 2011, 22:47
Is she fit?

Most Marketing birds are.

PRC1964
6th January 2011, 22:49
Is she fit?

Most Marketing birds are.

No one with 8 cats is attractive. This is a law of nature.

Clippy
6th January 2011, 22:53
No one with 8 cats is attractive. This is a law of nature.

Fair point - sounds like she could be in Public Sector marketing.

Peoplesoft bloke
6th January 2011, 23:38
No one with 8 cats is attractive or sane. This is a law of nature.

agreed with above slight change

Bagpuss
6th January 2011, 23:51
Just one more thing. Yesterday she locked me in. I went to the front door to go to work & she'd locked it on the mortice lock - I only have the yale key. Mobile phone was dead (left charger outside in car) so I couldn't phone her. All windows with window locks & couldnt find any keys. Finally managed to get attention of a passer by by jumping around like a lunatic in front of the living room window & he knocked up the neighbours. Took nearly 2 hours in all. When she finally came to let me out all the cheeky cow could say was that at least I'd had plenty of time for a relaxing breakfast. And you say you're crying!

Wasn't this an episode of peep show about 3 weeks ago?

MaryPoppins
7th January 2011, 08:43
Wasn't this an episode of peep show about 3 weeks ago?

Snap. I was about to ask if he'd got a pizza delivered through the front door, slice by slice.

wurzel
7th January 2011, 09:22
Snap. I was about to ask if he'd got a pizza delivered through the front door, slice by slice.

That's uncanny then coz I've never even seen that show. Did he even have a dead mobile with his charger locked in the car?

MaryPoppins
7th January 2011, 09:30
That's uncanny then coz I've never even seen that show. Did he even have a dead mobile with his charger locked in the car?


No, he wasn't that much of a muppet. :tongue

I think you should have stayed there and entertained us with weekly updates.

MarillionFan
7th January 2011, 10:06
No, he wasn't that much of a muppet. :tongue

I think you should have stayed there and entertained us with weekly updates.

Hopefully the details I have given him will suffice. The guy is just out of jail after 20 years for beating a lodger to death with a tube of toothpaste, so we may get some good stories after all.

MaryPoppins
7th January 2011, 10:21
Hopefully the details I have given him will suffice. The guy is just out of jail after 20 years for beating a lodger to death with a tube of toothpaste, so we may get some good stories after all.

Excellent. There's so much you can do with a toothbrush and toothpaste.

RichardCranium
7th January 2011, 10:22
Nightmare Accommodation ScenarioSorry, I know it's :uofftopic, but the tune has being going round in my head now since this thread started.

John Shuttleworth - Two Margarines, Nightmare Scenario (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-K4cEocL5kI) <:bluelight music video: you decide if SFW or NSFW>

Look out for the photo of GricerBoy coming out of his shed.




<sniff> <cough>

Scrag Meister
7th January 2011, 10:28
Excellent. There's so much you can do with a toothbrush and toothpaste.

Finished watching the Godfather trilogy that was was aired over New year and was amazed athe guy who was stabbed in the neck with a pair of glasses!!

Cats, maybe a cat's head in her bed?

vetran
7th January 2011, 15:13
its your own fault a woman scorned, didn't you realise it was a 'fully serviced rent'.

Some people :ohwell

EternalOptimist
7th January 2011, 15:15
Excellent. There's so much you can do with a toothbrush and toothpaste.

mp, i am dying to tell you my toothbrush anecdote now. ooo and i have an electric toothbush story as well



:rolleyes:

MaryPoppins
7th January 2011, 15:26
mp, i am dying to tell you my toothbrush anecdote now. ooo and i have an electric toothbush story as well



:rolleyes:

PM me then EO, liven up my Friday night. ;)

Paddy
7th January 2011, 15:28
Just one more thing. Yesterday she locked me in. I went to the front door to go to work & she'd locked it on the mortice lock - I only have the yale key. Mobile phone was dead (left charger outside in car) so I couldn't phone her. All windows with window locks & couldnt find any keys. Finally managed to get attention of a passer by by jumping around like a lunatic in front of the living room window & he knocked up the neighbours. Took nearly 2 hours in all. When she finally came to let me out all the cheeky cow could say was that at least I'd had plenty of time for a relaxing breakfast. And you say you're crying!

Go and buy a sexy pair of size 10 panties and leave them in the couple's bed. The wait for the evening.

EternalOptimist
7th January 2011, 15:34
PM me then EO, liven up my Friday night. ;)

well one of them I can tell publicly.
I have no way of knowing if this is true, but it was a story that went the rounds in Liverpool a couple of decades ago.

A family from Bootle were on the hols on the costa del sol, and the apartment was turned over by burgulars. they stripped the joint, apart from the bathroom, and for some strange reason they didnt nick the expensive camera. So the family replaced what items they could afford to, and made do.

when they got home they had their films developed, and one shot, from the night of the break-in, was of four male Spanish bums, bent over with four toothbrushes shoved up where the sol dont shine



:rolleyes: