• Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
  • Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!

Bridges To Rotarianism

Collapse
X
  •  
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    Bridges To Rotarianism

    Following my recent unhappy involvement in a youth rail organization which now considers me persona non grata, I decided it was time to renew my Rotarian quest by inviting a local luminary of said august institution to "a soiree of epicurean delights, learned discourse and cerebral activities".

    Fred Bloggs
    duly accepted and came accompanied by his charming wife, Lettuce. Following Malc's past form in derailing my prospects of becoming a member, I decreed that his role in the evening's proceedings would be relegated to cameos at the serving hatch to profer voule-au-vents at appropriate junctures. Indeed, my chosen partner for the evening was none other than Cuth Blenkinsop, thankfully fully recovered from his horrific flailing incident at Crewe Station.

    Proceedings were initiated by each of us rising in turn and reciting a verse of poetry. We heard Jests, Byron and Coleridge while I chose the words of Baroness D'Orsay. We all then enjoyed an egg flip "ice breaker" and got to know each other a bit better.

    Fred, it turns out, is a leading light in the Somerset Amateur Tribologists Society and, as such, is a veritable goldmine of fascinating information on the subject matter that serves as grist to his mill; to wit, the science and engineering of interacting surfaces in relative motion. Indeed, it was particularly fascinating to learn how the relative distribution of railway ballast was altered upon the introduction of continuous rail owing to the resultant change in net downward forces.

    Unfortunately, at one point, I had to quickly snap the serving hatch shut to render inaudible Malc's tittering at Fred's pontifications on the sliding coefficient of friction between lubricated surfaces.

    Moving in to the gameplay, the outstanding highlight of the evening is set out below:

    Slow and Dirty. Ermine and Pearls
    S 632 S KQ94
    H 6 H AJ842
    D AQ987 D2
    C Q762 CK54

    Encan
    E&P 1H, S&D 1NT, E&P pass

    Demonstrating Rotarian leadership, I overruled Cuth's 2D and opted for 1NP which proved to be the best contract.

    Refreshed by the victory, we sat and nibbled on Malc's dainties while the conversation turned to the beer washed gourmet cheeses of Northern France (at which point, had he been present, Malc would have mentioned some processed abomination such as Port Salut, being the vulgarian he is).

    Prior to bidding our farewells we congratulated each other on what a wizard evening it had been and Fred insinuated that my name was likely to be increasingly bandied about in Rotarian circles forthwith. What can I say? Watch this space! I know the whole of CUK is rooting for me

    Modded, just in case Fred is a real person...
    Last edited by cojak; 8 February 2011, 17:03. Reason: No, I don't know what grising is either...

    #2
    Originally posted by gricerboy View Post
    ........nibbled on Malc's dainties...........CUK is rooting for me....
    Well done Gimpy!
    Your ad-libs are always so well rehearsed.
    Jim is a Jedi! - Dara
    Jim is EVIL! - Jenny Eclair

    Comment


      #3
      Fair play to you whoever you are. You obviously put some effort into these stories. Or you just rip them off from somewhere but either way it's better than that thread about multiculturalism or all the 'pwning' going on.

      Comment


        #4
        Just what are you bring to the table? How can you be of benefit as a Rotarian?

        How will you demonstrate "Service above Self"?
        Last edited by Churchill; 8 February 2011, 17:01.

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by Churchill View Post
          Just what are you bring to the table? How can you be of benefit as a Rotarian?
          Would the Rotarians not benefit more from Malc's "dainties"?
          Knock first as I might be balancing my chakras.

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by suityou01 View Post
            Would the Rotarians not benefit more from Malc's "dainties"?
            How will Malc feel when he's relegated to the "inner wheel"?

            Comment


              #7
              Originally posted by Churchill View Post
              How will Malc feel?
              Tired and emotional with a sore arse.
              And what exactly is wrong with an "ad hominem" argument? Dodgy Agent, 16-5-2014

              Comment


                #8
                Originally posted by Mich the Tester View Post
                Tired and emotional with a sore arse.
                What would the good ladies of the inner wheel be doing with Malc's arse?

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by Churchill View Post
                  What would the good ladies of the inner wheel be doing with Malc's arse?
                  Flower arranging?
                  Jim is a Jedi! - Dara
                  Jim is EVIL! - Jenny Eclair

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by Wodewick View Post
                    Flower arranging?
                    Consider the lillies!

                    Comment

                    Working...
                    X