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The Common Smooth Snake

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    The Common Smooth Snake

    Well, looks like summer is finally upon us and Sunday saw Malc and I together with our chum Johnny bowling down the A350 in bright sunshine to Studland Bay, an area of heathland adjoining a stunning stretch of golden sands on the Dorset coast. Johhny, who is the Akela of our local scout group, is a keen naturalist and informed us that May is the perfect time of year to see smooth snakes so, armed with an array of photographic equipment, we parked the car and made our way along the beach.

    Presently, we passed a sign informing us that "naturalists may be seen beyond this point" at which point Johnny tumed to Malc and I and asked us to remove our undergarments.
    Somewhat taken aback, we aquiesced to his request assuming that this was normal practice when smooth snake spotting. Fortunately, I had an old awayday return to Didcot in my pocket which proved ideal in preserving our modesty. Passing the outward part to Malc, I kept the slightly longer return portion for my own requirements.

    Entering the sand dunes, we followed a path which was designated a permissive path and I have to say the activities taking place along that path were very permissive indeed. A group of men were partaking in a quoit-a-thon to raise funds for the Wiltshire Gay farmers' Helpline. I couldn't help noticing that the individual who was the target of this quoit throwing was in a state of which I can only politely term "full salute".

    Continuing through the prodigious growth of waist high sea buckthorn, we redeployed our awayday returns having noticed the viscious looking spines on these shrubs. You certainly wouldn't want one of those in the pink volkswagen. Then, a burly character on an all terrain motorcycle appeared and announced that he was the warden. Johnny asked the warden if he knew of anywhere we could hide and take some shots of smooth snakes to show to the children in a wildlife presentation he had planned later that week. At this point the warden grew agitated and became quite aggressive towards us telling us he was sick of dealing with "men with red handprints on their arses" and then threatened to call the police.

    We quickly gathered our belongings, got dressed and repaired to Old Mother Leakey's cafe for knickerbocker glories where we all roared with laughter at the day's events.

    #2
    All that and you managed to avoid using the word "ticket"!
    Coffee's for closers

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      #3
      Call the police!

      Comment


        #4
        <This message is hidden because the sad deluded tw@t behind gricerboy is on your ignore list.>


        "I hope Celtic realise that, if their team is good enough, they will win. If they're not good enough, they'll not win - and they can't look at anybody else, whether it is referees or any other influence." - Walter Smith

        On them! On them! They fail!

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          #5
          Originally posted by Incognito View Post
          <This message is hidden because the sad deluded tw@t behind gricerboy is on your ignore list.>


          WHS - I thought Gimpy had been retired?
          Jim is a Jedi! - Dara
          Jim is EVIL! - Jenny Eclair

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by Wodewick View Post
            WHS - I thought Gimpy had been retired?
            Certainly not. As it happens I've been on a bit of a busman's holiday.

            Comment


              #7
              Originally posted by gricerboy View Post
              Certainly not. As it happens I've been on a bit of a busman's holiday.
              Ooooooooooo! Do please tell us all about it?
              Jim is a Jedi! - Dara
              Jim is EVIL! - Jenny Eclair

              Comment


                #8
                Originally posted by pacharan View Post
                Call the police!
                Twat

                Originally posted by gricerboy View Post
                Certainly not. As it happens I've been on a bit of a busman's holiday.
                Twat!

                Originally posted by Wodewick View Post
                Ooooooooooo! Do please tell us all about it?
                Twat!!!
                What happens in General, stays in General.
                You know what they say about assumptions!

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by Wodewick View Post
                  Ooooooooooo! Do please tell us all about it?
                  I'll be available for a full debriefing in due course.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by MarillionFan View Post
                    Twat



                    Twat!



                    Twat!!!
                    Quite!
                    Jim is a Jedi! - Dara
                    Jim is EVIL! - Jenny Eclair

                    Comment

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