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View Full Version : Have you made peace with god (or the Mods depending on your faith)



SimonMac
20th May 2011, 13:20
Start of the Raptures tomorrow, so you got 5 months to make your peace or join the legions who have licked the Chutney Spoon

May 21, 2011 Judgment Day! Tract - eBible Fellowship (http://www.ebiblefellowship.com/outreach/tracts/may21/)

AtW
20th May 2011, 13:28
Can you post in CUK whilst being in heaven? Or hell? :devil

doodab
20th May 2011, 13:30
Can you post in CUK whilst being in heaven? Or hell? :devil

It wouldn't be heaven if it didn't have wifi.

AtW
20th May 2011, 13:31
It wouldn't be heaven if it didn't have wifi.

WiFi is tulip though when many people use it, I reckon it's reserved for hell and in heaven they use nice fiber optics. Just imagine - posting on CUK at the speed of light!

Pondlife
20th May 2011, 13:32
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kiiuc0M4L40

doodab
20th May 2011, 13:32
WiFi is tulip though when many people use it, I reckon it's reserved for hell and in heaven they use nice fiber optics. Just imagine - posting on CUK at the speed of light!

It would still make you wait between posts.

AtW
20th May 2011, 13:34
It would still make you wait between posts.

Not on IP level...

EternalOptimist
20th May 2011, 13:57
Im a bit annoyed about this.
I ve been naughty for the last few months because I didnt want to get ruptured.

now it looks like Im heading to the fiery pit all because of a typo



:rolleyes:

doodab
20th May 2011, 13:58
Im a bit annoyed about this.
I ve been naughty for the last few months because I didnt want to get ruptured.

now it looks like Im heading to the fiery pit all because of a typo



:rolleyes:

And you will almost certainly get ruptured down there down there.

norrahe
20th May 2011, 14:01
Make sure you get your post rapture pet insurance (http://www.jesuspets.com/Home/6/Make.hard.CA.H.from.home.while.the.world.is.in.fla mes.aspx) :laugh

SimonMac
20th May 2011, 14:03
Make sure you get your post rapture pet insurance (http://www.jesuspets.com/Home/6/Make.hard.CA.H.from.home.while.the.world.is.in.fla mes.aspx) :laugh


I love animals, and am willing to care for pets after the Christian Rapture. ✔
I am not, and never have been a born-again Christian. ✔
I believe it is immoral to have sex with animals, and have no desire to do so. ✘
I believe it is immoral to consume common domesticated pets (note: this includes goldfish!), and have no desire to do so.✔
If you agree with, then please contact JesusPets to join our international community of JesusPets Partners! ✔


So close :(

RichardCranium
20th May 2011, 17:19
Just imagine - posting on CUK at the speed of light!I can.


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NickFitz
20th May 2011, 17:31
If I'd known about this long enough in advance I would have grown long hair and a beard so I could go round Christians' houses tomorrow, knocking on the door and saying "I'm back - get your coat" ;)

Pondlife
20th May 2011, 17:40
If I'd known about this long enough in advance I would have grown long hair and a beard so I could go round Christians' houses tomorrow, knocking on the door and saying "I'm back - get your coat. No, not you love, you stay sat there for a while" ;)

FTFY

Old Greg
20th May 2011, 18:25
I got banned from the rapture ready forum, but not before picking up some survival tips for the post-rapture one world government. PM me for details, at a cost of 100 Standard Drawing Rights.

Sysman
20th May 2011, 18:45
If I'd known about this long enough in advance I would have grown long hair and a beard so I could go round Christians' houses tomorrow, knocking on the door and saying "I'm back - get your coat" ;)

An can we go via your bank, 'cos you won't need that dosh any more?

Here's a thought:

Do you really want to go to a place that's going to be full of hell fire preachers, telling you "Told you so!"?

TykeMerc
20th May 2011, 19:04
Here's a thought:

Do you really want to go to a place that's going to be full of hell fire preachers, telling you "Told you so!"?

Interesting thought, after due consideration my response would have to be "Hell NO!"

RichardCranium
20th May 2011, 19:40
Is Jesus coming back as a carpenter again? Or the modern equivalent, anyway.

If so, watch out for any spotty git who works on the tills in Ikea who wears socks 'n' sandals.

:wink

Old Greg
20th May 2011, 20:03
Is Jesus coming back as a carpenter again? Or the modern equivalent, anyway.

If so, watch out for any spotty git who works on the tills in Ikea who wears socks 'n' sandals.

:wink

Nah - he'll be a humble recruitment agent.

RichardCranium
20th May 2011, 21:01
a humble recruitment agent.I know we should expect miracles, but that's beyond the pale!

VectraMan
20th May 2011, 21:05
Oh shit - just realised I made peace with Bod!!!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IEmxW9dweew&feature=related

Sysman
21st May 2011, 13:31
Is Jesus coming back as a carpenter again? Or the modern equivalent, anyway.

If he does, he'll only turn up when he feels like it and charge a fortune.

amcdonald
21st May 2011, 13:38
I know we should expect miracles, but that's beyond the pale!

At least he didn't say an honest recruitment agent

AtW
21st May 2011, 13:41
Parking was hell in Birmingham today, as usual.

amcdonald
21st May 2011, 13:43
Birmingham was hell today, as usual.

FTFY

MarillionFan
21st May 2011, 13:50
Parking was hell in Birmingham today, as usual.

You were with a friend then? Everyone knows you only own a pushbike.

TykeMerc
21st May 2011, 15:02
Oh tulip - just realised I made peace with Bod!!!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IEmxW9dweew&feature=related

No harm in covering all of your potential bases, for all we know the makers of Bod could have had a revelation. It's as plausible as any other deity description.

Sysman
21st May 2011, 16:03
And there it was.

The clock struck six.

I'm still here and I can hear movement and voices outside.

The builders who were knocking heel out of next door all today are still packing their van, so they haven' gone. Damn! I could do with some peace next week.

Tome to treat myself to a post-rapture beer. At least that purchase won't go to waste.

AtW
21st May 2011, 16:05
Tome to treat myself to a post-rapture beer. At least that purchase won't go to waste.

Put it on your tab to be sure...

mudskipper
21st May 2011, 16:37
Twenty minutes to go here. I've put on clean underwear just in case.

doodab
21st May 2011, 17:39
I'm going commando. I knew I should have done the washing yesterday.

MarillionFan
21st May 2011, 18:36
Twenty minutes to go here. I've put on clean underwear just in case.

Just think if you did get taken to heaven... Wilmslow would be round for the dirty ones :eek

SimonMac
21st May 2011, 23:06
Twenty minutes to go here. I've put on clean underwear just in case.

I never got the point fo changing to clean pants, if I am about to face mortality I am gonna tulip myself anyway!

Paddy
22nd May 2011, 06:55
Parking was hell in Birmingham today, as usual.

Park on double yellow lines outside a mosque on Friday and you won't get a ticket.

MarillionFan
22nd May 2011, 08:27
Well it appears we're still here at house MF, so nobody was righteous enough to be 'raptured', apart from one thing my daughters bike which she left outside the front of the house last night. It appears that was righteous enough because this morning the ******* thing isnt there. Who would have thought that to have been the best christian in the house! :eyes

shaunbhoy
22nd May 2011, 14:48
Well all of us "unbelievers" are still here, but has anyone seen d000hg today?

:tongue

amcdonald
22nd May 2011, 17:16
So what's his excuse going to be for all the fundies not getting raptured ?

Oh sorry I got it wrong it should be you should have made peas with God

TykeMerc
22nd May 2011, 17:20
So what's his excuse going to be for all the fundies not getting raptured ?

Oh sorry I got it wrong it should be you should have made peas with God

I think I got ruptured on Saturday replacing the washing machine in the ex wife's cellar, the drongo delivery people from Comet said "we don't do cellars". Does that count? Maybe it was a typo?

RichardCranium
22nd May 2011, 17:21
you should have made peas with God

http://s0.geograph.org.uk/geophotos/01/72/31/1723109_9f489f40.jpg

Sysman
22nd May 2011, 20:28
What is so sad about this BS is that my father really believed it.

"Accept Jesus into your life and you will see your mother again"

Eff that. Getting nagged and criticised to death isn't my idea of decent life, let alone heaven.

d000hg
23rd May 2011, 08:39
Well all of us "unbelievers" are still here, but has anyone seen d000hg today?

:tongue'fraid so me old mucker. Must have been the wrong kind of rapture.

NotAllThere
23rd May 2011, 09:15
So what's his excuse going to be for all the fundies not getting raptured ?No excuse required. Camping doesn't really represent mainstream Christianity. Or, indeed, much of non-mainstream Christianity. Most Christians are aware that Jesus apparently said "No one knows when I'm coming back except the father, and he isn't telling". (Rough paraphrase).

meridian
23rd May 2011, 09:19
What is so sad about this BS is that my father really believed it.

"Accept Jesus into your life and you will see your mother again"

Eff that. Getting nagged and criticised to death isn't my idea of decent life, let alone heaven.

Jim Jeffries (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZJ-_OTvsqo) has a great take on that.

"Hello Nan, hello Grandad, hello Uncle who used to touch me. How did you get up here? Oh, that's right, you used to work for the Church...."

d000hg
23rd May 2011, 09:49
Where did the 6pm come from? Finding a way to make a certain date fit can't be hard but why 6pm and where did the rolling timezone-based thing come from?

NotAllThere
23rd May 2011, 11:02
I think it was to cope with recent scientific evidence that the world is not, in fact, flat. It was a surprise to me, I can tell you. Especially living near the alps. :ohwell

shaunbhoy
23rd May 2011, 11:28
Where did the 6pm come from?

Probably the time that his bank stopped processing BACS transfers.
:eyes

Sysman
23rd May 2011, 12:16
Probably the time that his bank stopped processing BACS transfers.
:eyes

My theory is that being a Yank, he didn't consider time zones, and had to invent a new version once somebody pointed them out.

xoggoth
23rd May 2011, 13:17
You would not think a former civil engineer would be so irrational but I read a while back (can't be bovvered to find it) that engineers are actually over represented among religious nuts, apparently they seek certainty and order in life and are thus inclined to fundamentalism.

d000hg
23rd May 2011, 13:21
My theory is that being a Yank, he didn't consider time zones, and had to invent a new version once somebody pointed them out.Americans are more used to timezones than Brits, considering their country crosses several of them and ours doesn't.

Sysman
23rd May 2011, 13:23
You would not think a former civil engineer would be so irrational but I read a while back (can't be bovvered to find it) that engineers are actually over represented among religious nuts, apparently they seek certainty and order in life and are thus inclined to fundamentalism.

My physics teacher at skool said the same about the leading physicists of the day. Well, except he was more polite and called them Christian believers instead of religious nutters.

xoggoth
23rd May 2011, 13:34
My physics teacher at skool said the same about the leading physicists of the day

He was probably right. Some major scientists were driven by religion, it just happens that they were right so never got questioned.

Loiuse Pasteur chose to ignore many experiments that appeared to support the idea of spontaneous creation rather than actually look into and explain them. (Some bacteria can survive prolonged boiling which nobody realised at the time) Milikan simply excluded any experiments that did not support his value of e even when there was no obvious flaw in them.