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NickFitz
21st May 2011, 04:05
If the 18:00 local time prognostication is correct, the people of Kiritimati, Christmas Island and Kiribati should have been the first to be enraptured (or cast into the pit, or whatever) a few minutes ago.

I tried tweeting them and there was no reply, so we can assume it's happening :yay:

NickFitz
21st May 2011, 05:16
Tongans: gone; Chatham Islanders: on their way now (thanks to their weird off-by-forty-five-minutes time zone) :)

doodab
21st May 2011, 05:45
Rather interestingly, nothing has been invented since 2002. They clearly weren't impressed by the iPad.

Timelines (http://www.raptureready.com/time/inventions.html)

Edit: Nope, it appears they think it was the work of the devil.


Because the Bible tells us the Antichrist will someday achieve total control over the global economy, technological advancements are a necessary factor in his rise to power. The development of the microprocessor is one of the most amazing timelines you can observe

NickFitz
21st May 2011, 06:05
Rather interestingly, nothing has been invented since 2002. They clearly weren't impressed by the iPad.

Timelines (http://www.raptureready.com/time/inventions.html)

Edit: Nope, it appears they think it was the work of the devil.

I bet they're not keen on Oyster cards.

New Zealand and others just went by the way :wave:

NickFitz
21st May 2011, 06:12
Potential problem: How God is managing the 2011 rapture - The Oatmeal (http://theoatmeal.com/comics/rapture)

Old Greg
21st May 2011, 06:18
My cat is nowhere to be seen. I think I know what he's been up to Sunday mornings recently.

amcdonald
21st May 2011, 07:35
There better be Zombies or it's going to be really boring

DaveB
21st May 2011, 07:44
Never mind all that, I'm off to the After Party (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-13468131) :banana::music::banana:

NickFitz
21st May 2011, 08:14
Today's DIY project:


http://a.yfrog.com/img611/4776/8pxgh.jpg

Gonzo
21st May 2011, 09:05
I bet they're not keen on Oyster cards.

New Zealand and others just went by the way :wave:If it had happened then at least I wouldn't have had to put up with Mrs Gonzo making me watch American Idol. :tantrum:

DaveB
21st May 2011, 09:11
Genius.

Eternal Earth-Bound Pets (http://eternal-earthbound-pets.com/)


You've committed your life to Jesus. You know you're saved. But when the Rapture comes what's to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.

Gonzo
21st May 2011, 09:30
Maybe I spoke too soon.

There is a big firework display going on in central Auckland at the moment and I wasn't invited.

Perhaps I am not one of the chosen ones after all ...

Gonzo
21st May 2011, 09:40
The fireworks have finished now, I'm still here, American Idol is still on TV so I think it is still business as usual.

Zippy
21st May 2011, 09:44
The fireworks have finished now, I'm still here, American Idol is still on TV so I think it is still business as usual.

In Hell you are, hmmmmm

amcdonald
21st May 2011, 09:49
I don't know about rapture, but the tide is high here

MarillionFan
21st May 2011, 09:55
Ive got peanuts, beer and a towel. I'm not taking any chances!

NickFitz
21st May 2011, 09:58
Genius.

Eternal Earth-Bound Pets (http://eternal-earthbound-pets.com/)

I saw a quote from the owner saying his clients will be disappointed twice: "Once because they weren't raptured and again because I don't do refunds." :laugh

amcdonald
21st May 2011, 09:58
Ive got peanuts, beer and a towel. I'm not taking any chances!

You forgot a babelfish and the HGTTG !

DaveB
21st May 2011, 10:28
I don't know about rapture, but the tide is high here

Are you hanging on?

amcdonald
21st May 2011, 11:10
Are you hanging on?

Yes on the telephone, no sign of Zombies yet either :ohwell

Old Greg
21st May 2011, 11:50
Cat has turned up. False alarm.

norrahe
21st May 2011, 12:58
Cat has turned up. False alarm.

The NorPusses have b*ggered orf out, should I be worried?

amcdonald
21st May 2011, 13:12
My pussies have gone all hormonal

The tomcat looks to have got in a fight with a fox and lost and is missing a big chunk out of it's ear

Not that it seems to be bothered, as it's spent most of the day trying to rape one of my pussies who seems to be very non plussed about the whole thing or playing very hard to get

Ooops shouldn't have said that, it will be like Clarkgate all over again :tantrum:

MarillionFan
21st May 2011, 13:31
Just seen four horsemen!!!

There is a point to point competition over at the racecourse but I'm not sure.

Should I be worried?

Zippy
21st May 2011, 15:07
Could we kick off the Rapture party with this one?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sFTOznr-_H8

NotAllThere
21st May 2011, 15:22
Just seen four horsemen!!!...Me too. And the sun seems to be a bit, well, black. I was concerned for a while, then I thought, well, it's not the end of the world.

AtW
21st May 2011, 15:25
Given what's going on, can we have sockie amnesty?

And if the rapture does not happen then ban 'em again! :devil

meridian
21st May 2011, 15:33
meh. It's now the 22nd in Oz and we're still here. Bloody Christians.....:ladybags:

NickFitz
21st May 2011, 15:36
meh. It's now the 22nd in Oz and we're still here. Bloody Christians.....:ladybags:

It's only the righteous who get taken up in the rapture. You wouldn't have any of those in Australia ;)

Paddy
21st May 2011, 15:42
As I believer I spent my last day on earth having a laugh speeding by as many speed cameras as possible, it won’t matter after 18:00.

Sysman
21st May 2011, 15:54
As I believer I spent my last day on earth having a laugh speeding by as many speed cameras as possible, it won’t matter after 18:00.

When I was a nipper my father told me about a guy who sincerely believed that the end of the world would happen in his lifetime, so didn't bother with any life assurance.

I bet his wife hated him for that.

Sysman
21st May 2011, 15:58
I've just seen a bicycle seat covered with honey bees. A proper swarm of them too.

They are clustered underneath and around the seat, to be precise, with just a few on the top. The overall effect is, appropriately, a hive shape.

NotAllThere
21st May 2011, 16:13
meh. It's now the 22nd in Oz and we're still here. Bloody Christians.....:ladybags:To be fair, it's only a very small group of Christians who think the rapture is happening today. In fact, I've asked around, and nobody can find any who do believe it. Though they swore they spoke to some yesterday...

MarillionFan
21st May 2011, 16:18
To be fair, it's only a very small group of Christians who think the rapture is happening today. In fact, I've asked around, and nobody can find any who do believe it. Though they swore they spoke to some yesterday...

Now if the Muslims start saying it!!! Now that's a proper religion.

AtW
21st May 2011, 16:20
****!

A bearded man in his 30s is knocking on my office door!!!! :eek

Zippy
21st May 2011, 16:36
****!

A bearded man in his 30s is knocking on my office door!!!! :eek

Hide behind your sofa and pretend you are out! :eek:

NickFitz
21st May 2011, 16:39
****!

A bearded man in his 30s is knocking on my office door!!!! :eek

Rasputin? :eek:

TimberWolf
21st May 2011, 17:08
http://aprilmreign.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/angel-of-death.jpg?w=400

<Death extents his hand and gesticulates with index finger slowly and purposefully, as if to say: "Dear entire CUK, met your doom you have, fear me and follow you must! Hmmmm">

amcdonald
21st May 2011, 17:36
So far one earthquake (http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/breaking-news/strong-65-magnitude-earthquake-hits-off-coast-of-papua-new-guinea/story-e6frf7jx-1226056555864) and no casualties

norrahe
21st May 2011, 17:48
Rasputin? :eek:

Of course, he works for AtW's local DFS. He might be checking that he's happy with his sofa purchase.

Drewster
21st May 2011, 18:04
I've just seen a bicycle seat covered with honey bees. A proper swarm of them too.

They are clustered underneath and around the seat, to be precise, with just a few on the top. The overall effect is, appropriately, a hive shape.

Hive shaped???? (http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=http://www.honeyshop.co.uk/Hive1.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.honeyshop.co.uk/hives.html&usg=__AFGV8KsM35N3o3JDTOKOSnDudeQ=&h=474&w=356&sz=29&hl=en&start=0&zoom=1&tbnid=elRqkdjJ6bogtM:&tbnh=137&tbnw=124&ei=_P3XTYOlDZHA8QOy14iEBQ&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dhive%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26client%3Dsa fari%26sa%3DN%26rls%3Den%26biw%3D1280%26bih%3D628% 26tbm%3Disch0%2C75&um=1&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=133&vpy=171&dur=2&hovh=259&hovw=194&tx=102&ty=133&sqi=2&page=1&ndsp=20&ved=1t:429,r:7,s:0&biw=1280&bih=628)

Although to be fair it probably is a "proper swarm"

NickFitz
21st May 2011, 21:58
Just found this by the front door:


http://chzdailywhat.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/ef27359c-9ef3-4855-93b9-49472751fc9b.jpg

amcdonald
21st May 2011, 22:26
Volcano in Iceland, accompanied by a series of small earthquakes (http://www.usatoday.com/news/world/2011-05-21-iceland-volcano_n.htm)

All quiet in blighty mind

meridian
22nd May 2011, 03:13
To be fair, it's only a very small group of Christians who think the rapture is happening today. In fact, I've asked around, and nobody can find any who do believe it. Though they swore they spoke to some yesterday...

Ah, the "No True Scotsman" fallacy. Figures.

RichardCranium
22nd May 2011, 09:49
As I believer I spent my last day on earth having a laugh speeding by as many speed cameras as possible, it won’t matter after 18:00.That's because, as everyone knows, speed kills, so every time you went through a camera at 31 mph another baby died so you are worse than a murderer etc.

In short, you're going to Hell.

It's a pity you blew your chances right at the end. :rolleyes:

d000hg
22nd May 2011, 10:00
****!

A bearded man in his 30s is knocking on my office door!!!! :eekIs that the back door?

Sysman
22nd May 2011, 10:54
Hive shaped???? (http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=http://www.honeyshop.co.uk/Hive1.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.honeyshop.co.uk/hives.html&usg=__AFGV8KsM35N3o3JDTOKOSnDudeQ=&h=474&w=356&sz=29&hl=en&start=0&zoom=1&tbnid=elRqkdjJ6bogtM:&tbnh=137&tbnw=124&ei=_P3XTYOlDZHA8QOy14iEBQ&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dhive%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26client%3Dsa fari%26sa%3DN%26rls%3Den%26biw%3D1280%26bih%3D628% 26tbm%3Disch0%2C75&um=1&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=133&vpy=171&dur=2&hovh=259&hovw=194&tx=102&ty=133&sqi=2&page=1&ndsp=20&ved=1t:429,r:7,s:0&biw=1280&bih=628)

Although to be fair it probably is a "proper swarm"

Them's man made. Try this (http://www.fotosearch.com/DGT080/rf5303095/)

Paddy
22nd May 2011, 11:53
That's because, as everyone knows, speed kills, so every time you went through a camera at 31 mph another baby died so you are worse than a murderer etc.

In short, you're going to Hell.

It's a pity you blew your chances right at the end. :rolleyes:

Four years ago I was fined £370 for doing 31mph in a 30mph limit on a dual carrageway :mad:

RichardCranium
22nd May 2011, 12:25
Four years ago I was fined £370 for doing 31mph in a 30mph limit on a dual carrageway :mad:Absolutely quite right too. Especially on a narrow residential road like a dual carriageway. A perfectly valid use of Police time, Crown Prosecution Service time, Court time and so on. You are exactly the sort of evil criminal that needs to be punished in the harshest manner possible. Just like the people who get fined a similar amount from dropping dog ends in the gutter because there are no bins to get rid of them in. Or those who put their car park ticket at the wrong end of the dashboard.

Whereas TV evangelists who make millions from fake predictions that result in people selling their homes or giving away their savings, are doing the Good Lord's Work and should be feted in the world's media.

I see "The server at www.familyradio.com is taking too long to respond." Presumably it has had a rapture.

doodab
22nd May 2011, 12:28
I think they should track this tosspot down and whack him in prison for what is left of his delusional life. What a c**t.

BBC News - &#039;Rapture&#039;: Believers perplexed after prediction fails (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-13489641)

RichardCranium
22nd May 2011, 12:59
Their web site does respond a bit. It currently says "00 days left". I wonder what it will say tomorrow?

It also says "The Bible guarantees it". So if we want out money back, do we sue the writers of the Old Testament, Matthew-Mark-Luke-John Publishing Co or the New Testament authors? I bet none of them have email addresses to contact them. :mad

http://www.chutneyspoon.co.uk/images/FamilyRadio.gif

RichardCranium
22nd May 2011, 13:18
Here we go. Below is the list of places this bloke has been (http://www.familyradio.com/english/connect/missions/missions_chronicle.html) on holiday missions for God paid for by donations to his bank account church.

BTW, the "The End of the World is Nigh" advertising he paid for "out of his own pocket" was paid for by donations from others, of course.

In short, he is a TV evangelist who scams people to pay for him and his family and mates to go on a 2 week holiday to somewhere nice about twice a year.


Letters from the Missionary

Click on the links below to review the letters from each mission trip.

Hong Kong, China February 2011
Krakow, Poland September 2010
Johannesburg, South Africa August 2010
Quito, Ecuador June 2010
Cape Town, Africa April 2010
Bogota, Colombia February 2010
Puerto Rico December 2009
Kingston, Jamaica October 2009
Asuncion, Paraguay August 2009
Bucharest, Romania June 2009
Trujillo, Peru May 2009
Tegucigalpa, Honduras January 2009
Honolulu, Waikiki, & Oahu, Hawaii October 2008
Guyana, South America August 2008
Montevideo, Uruguay May 2008
San Salvador, El Salvador March 2008
Costa Rica February 2008
Juarez, Mexico December 2007
Frankfurt, Germany September 2007
Lisbon, Portuhal May 2007
Toluca, Mexico April 2007
Punjab, India February 2007
Managua, Nicaragua November 2006
Leon & Morelia, Mexico July 2006
Lagos, Nigeria April 2006
Cebu City, the Phillipines January 2006
India, Karnataka State October 17, 2005
Lima, Peru July 18, 2005
The Philippines April 18, 2005
Panama City Janury 10, 2005
Seoul, S. Korea October 25, 2004
Paris, France July, 2004
Ghana & Togo April 21, 2004
India, Maharashtra State Nov. 12, 2003.
Brussels, Belgium July 15th, 2003
Chihuahua, Mexico April 30th, 2003
Guatemala January, 2003
India NOV. 12, 2002
Kiev, Ukraine May - 2002
Puebla, Mexico MARCH - 2002
Phnom Penh, Cambodia JAN. - 2002
India Goa and Karnataka States NOV. - 2001
Trinidad & Guyana SEPT. - 2001

Sysman
22nd May 2011, 13:19
Four years ago I was fined £370 for doing 31mph in a 30mph limit on a dual carrageway :mad:

Did you contest it in court? If you didn't then how on earth was it so high?

TykeMerc
22nd May 2011, 13:52
The Family Radio bloke has made a very tidy earner out of this, most definitely laughing all the way to his offshore banks :D

Sysman
22nd May 2011, 14:45
Here we go. Below is the list of places this bloke has been (http://www.familyradio.com/english/connect/missions/missions_chronicle.html) on holiday missions for God paid for by donations to his bank account church.

In short, he is a TV evangelist who scams people to pay for him and his family and mates to go on a 2 week holiday to somewhere nice about twice a year.

2004 was a poor year for him. He only managed 3 hols:


Seoul, S. Korea October 25, 2004
Paris, France July, 2004
Ghana & Togo April 21, 2004

I bet he made up for it in the Paris leg.

AtW
22nd May 2011, 14:51
Nevermind Paris etc. You should have seen his planned itinerary in Heaven...

centurian
22nd May 2011, 16:53
I think they should track this tosspot down and whack him in prison for what is left of his delusional life. What a c**t.

BBC News - 'Rapture': Believers perplexed after prediction fails (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-13489641)


"Robert Fitzpatrick, a retired transportation agency worker in New York, said he had spent more than $140,000 (£86,000) of his savings on advertisements in the run-up to 21 May to publicise the prediction.

After 1800 passed and nothing had happened, he said: "I do not understand why... I do not understand why nothing has happened."

What a plonker...

I try to feel sorry for him, because he's clearly been duped, but then he did believe in a God that was prepared to commit mass murder in the name of "good" - and seemed fine to go along with it... at which point my sympathy evaoporates.

Paddy
22nd May 2011, 17:00
Did you contest it in court? If you didn't then how on earth was it so high?

I contested it in Court, in the judges words “We can’t have every Tom, Dick and Harry contesting speeding fines otherwise the courts will be clogged up”

amcdonald
22nd May 2011, 17:07
I contested it in Court, in the judges words “We can’t have every Tom, Dick and Harry contesting speeding fines otherwise the courts will be clogged up”

If everyone contested every fine, they have to outsource the criminal system to India, so at least you could bribe your way out of it

centurian
22nd May 2011, 17:20
I contested it in Court, in the judges words “We can’t have every Tom, Dick and Harry contesting speeding fines otherwise the courts will be clogged up”

Which was why you got a higher fine - or to be more precise, you got the "correct" sentance as opposed to a reduced sentance for pleading guilty earlier - i.e. taking the fixed penalty.

A fixed penalty notice is basically a "plea bargain" - even though we don't officially have such a thing in the UK. You're fee to argue your case in court, but it will cost you a damn sight more if you lose.

OwlHoot
22nd May 2011, 17:27
I think they should track this tosspot down and whack him in prison for what is left of his delusional life. What a c**t. ...

In Heaven's name why? He's done a valuable service showing up a load of delusional idiots for the gullible mugs they are.

Perhaps now they'll be a bit more skeptical about other tenets of fundamentalist belief, such as creationism.

AtW
22nd May 2011, 17:34
He's done a valuable service showing up a load of delusional idiots for the gullible mugs they are.

I think that guy who sold his house to help that dude "spread the message" will have a different opinion on it.

TykeMerc
22nd May 2011, 17:36
In Heaven's name why? He's done a valuable service showing up a load of delusional idiots for the gullible mugs they are.

Perhaps now they'll be a bit more skeptical about other tenets of fundamentalist belief, such as creationism.

True, but incredibly unlikely that the mugs will see that. If nothing else they're vastly too stupid.

False prophet? Looks like a pretty genuine profit to me, I almost wish that I had the scruples to take up the religion business in the good old US of A.

EternalOptimist
22nd May 2011, 17:37
Absolutely quite right too. Especially on a narrow residential road like a dual carriageway. A perfectly valid use of Police time, Crown Prosecution Service time, Court time and so on. You are exactly the sort of evil criminal that needs to be punished in the harshest manner possible. Just like the people who get fined a similar amount from dropping dog ends in the gutter because there are no bins to get rid of them in. Or those who put their car park ticket at the wrong end of the dashboard.

Whereas TV evangelists who make millions from fake predictions that result in people selling their homes or giving away their savings, are doing the Good Lord's Work and should be feted in the world's media.

I see "The server at www.familyradio.com is taking too long to respond." Presumably it has had a rapture.



:yay:
very good

centurian
22nd May 2011, 17:50
True, but incredibly unlikely that the mugs will see that.

Probably - in fact the next "prophet" will come along and claim this this is just a further test of their faith - and now they need to morgage up even more and hand over the cash to goodly causes to proof their faith.

TykeMerc
22nd May 2011, 17:57
Probably - in fact the next "prophet" will come along and claim this this is just a further test of their faith - and now they need to morgage up even more and hand over the cash to goodly causes to proof their faith.

Indeed, thanks for the script help, putting together a nice convincing tale won't be too tricky. I was looking for a good plan B idea, now I've found it :D

RichardCranium
22nd May 2011, 18:08
Probably - in fact the next "prophet" will come along and claim this this is just a further test of their faith - and now they need to mortgage up even more and hand over the cash to goodly causes to proof their faith.According to a survey of 17000 people in the US International Business Times (http://www.ibtimes.com/articles/149790/20110522/rapture-top-ways-harold-camping-might-after-doomsday-dud_1.htm), they reckon:

8% say Harold Camping will confess he was wrong.
16% say he will claim that the rapture did happen, but just in an invisible way that we cannot perceive or understand.
19% say Camping would "claim God had mercy on mankind and spared the earth"
54% say that Camping will unrepentantly claim a calculation error and form a new Doomsday date just like he did in 1994.

AtW
22nd May 2011, 18:13
8+16+19+54=97...

3% thought andyW saved us?

RichardCranium
22nd May 2011, 18:19
8+16+19+54=97...

3% thought andyW saved us?Sorry, I should have linked to the article. Where is Harold Camping? (http://m.ibtimes.com/where-is-harold-camping-149738.html)

3% believed him ... which extrapolated out would mean 6 million Merkin believers.

TykeMerc
22nd May 2011, 18:23
Sorry, I should have linked to the article. Where is Harold Camping? (http://m.ibtimes.com/where-is-harold-camping-149738.html)

3% believed him ... which extrapolated out would mean 6 million Merkin believers.

Definitely Plan B material, get $10 from each of those 6 million utter morons and it's a good income stream.

RichardCranium
22nd May 2011, 18:41
Definitely Plan B material, get $10 from each of those 6 million utter morons and it's a good income stream.On his web site you can pay by any means you can think of, including monthly direct debit.

Anyway, this page will give you lots of "data" to help form the basis for your cult: Harold Camping's Heresies EXPOSED! (http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/Wolves/harold_camping.htm). Start a little way down at the section headed "Harold Camping's Kingdom Hall". I didn't know wank could be heaped so high.

AtW
22nd May 2011, 18:50
I always said CUK should switch to subscription model

1) Free - you can read but not post
2) £10 a month - post moderately
3) £50 a month - 2 sockies can be registered
4) £250 a month - can't be banned
5) £1000 a month - admin privileges!!!

Guest stars: sasguru, DimPrawn, MarillionFan and AtW get a cut from extra activity generated by their witty comments...

TykeMerc
22nd May 2011, 18:54
On his web site you can pay by any means you can think of, including monthly direct debit.

Anyway, this page will give you lots of "data" to help form the basis for your cult: Harold Camping's Heresies EXPOSED! (http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/Wolves/harold_camping.htm). Start a little way down at the section headed "Harold Camping's Kingdom Hall". I didn't know wank could be heaped so high.

Thanks for that, it appears that the Yanks have a long track record of falling for this kind of scam repeatedly so the idea has great merit. With easily available broadcast media it's going to be trivial to spread the word.

Admittedly I'll have to do a bunch of research to understand the commonly used religious buzzwords (or at least where they should be placed for the right impact), but every business needs a little development time.

TimberWolf
22nd May 2011, 19:07
PRINCETON, NJ -- Four in 10 Americans, slightly fewer today than in years past, believe God created humans in their present form about 10,000 years ago.
Four in 10 Americans Believe in Strict Creationism (http://www.gallup.com/poll/145286/Four-Americans-Believe-Strict-Creationism.aspx)

Almost "unbelievable".

It takes a failed believer to believe in a testable religious prediction though. Religion 101 = no testable predictions. Schoolboy error.

TykeMerc
22nd May 2011, 19:11
Almost "unbelievable".

It takes a failed believer to believe in a testable religious prediction though. Religion 101 = no testable predictions. Schoolboy error.

Quite believable, although completely terrifying.

RichardCranium
22nd May 2011, 19:32
Admittedly I'll have to do a bunch of research to understand the commonly used religious buzzwords (or at least where they should be placed for the right impact), but every business needs a little development time.You could just invent new stuff.

Take Ann Lee (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ann_Lee), for example and see if you can comprehend how the timeline has remained intact from her to modern day Shakers (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shakers). It'll take about ten minutes to read through that lot but by the end of it you'll also understand why the Flat Earth Society (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flat_Earth_Society) persists (http://theflatearthsociety.org/cms/).

I suspect all you'll really need to get started is:

a prediction people can believe in (e.g. "we'll eliminate IR35 by 2002 2003 2004 2005 2006 2007 2008 2009 2010 2011 2012"
some numerology crud (take the letters of "The Holy Church of Chutney Spoonerism and Saint TykeMerc The Saviour" where A = 0, B = 1 etc and it adds up to 666!!!);
an online order form;
the means to take monthly direct debits;
the ability to talk in a funny voice ("Orrrlll praaaaaaise de loooorud");
a piece of mango chutney shaped like Jesus (http://www.davidkierski.com/post/451866357/mango-jesus);
a press release ready to go out at the start of the silly season (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silly_season).


Put out a few YouTube videos of you ranting, and put together some leaflets, and I reckon you're good to go.

NotAllThere
23rd May 2011, 05:59
To be really convincing, you have to delude yourself that it's all true. May require a high-level of double-think.

RichardCranium
24th May 2011, 12:37
Regarding the survey above:

According to a survey of 17000 people in the US International Business Times (http://www.ibtimes.com/articles/149790/20110522/rapture-top-ways-harold-camping-might-after-doomsday-dud_1.htm), they reckon:

8% say Harold Camping will confess he was wrong. ✔
16% say he will claim that the rapture did happen, but just in an invisible way that we cannot perceive or understand. ✔
19% say Camping would "claim God had mercy on mankind and spared the earth" ✔
54% say that Camping will unrepentantly claim a calculation error and form a new Doomsday date just like he did in 1994. ✔They were all right! (http://life.nationalpost.com/2011/05/24/camping-issues-apocalypse-correction-its-really-in-october/)


The evangelical Christian broadcaster whose much-ballyhooed Judgment Day prophecy went conspicuously unfulfilled on Saturday has a simple explanation for what went wrong — he miscalculated.

Harold Camping said he now believes his forecast is playing out “spiritually,” with the actual apocalypse set to occur five months later, on Oct. 21.

Camping said it “dawned” on him that a “merciful and compassionate God” would spare humanity from “hell on Earth for five months” by compressing the physical apocalypse into a shorter time frame.

I can't wait any longer ... :suicide:

Zippy
24th May 2011, 12:57
He's the kind of utterly worthless piece of :shit: that makes me hope that there really is a Judgement Day. Bastard.

NickFitz
24th May 2011, 13:02
Regarding the survey above:
They were all right! (http://life.nationalpost.com/2011/05/24/camping-issues-apocalypse-correction-its-really-in-october/)



This question the Dodo could not answer without a great deal of thought, and it sat for a long time with one finger pressed upon its forehead (the position in which you usually see Shakespeare, in the pictures of him), while the rest waited in silence. At last the Dodo said, 'EVERYBODY has won, and all must have prizes.'


- Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Chapter III (https://www.cs.indiana.edu/metastuff/wonder/ch3.html)

cailin maith
24th May 2011, 13:08
I saw this morning that he's admitted he made a mistake and it's actually going to happen October 21st.

Watch this space :rolleyes:

Old Greg
24th May 2011, 13:19
I saw this morning that he's admitted he made a mistake and it's actually going to happen October 21st.

Watch this space :rolleyes:

Now before, he said end of the world was 21/10 with Rapture 21/5. This is all a bit fishy.

AtW
24th May 2011, 16:36
I saw this morning that he's admitted he made a mistake and it's actually going to happen October 21st.

Watch this space :rolleyes:

Which timezone first?

Zippy
24th May 2011, 16:43
Which timezone first?

More to the point my dear - when do the banks open?