Racing bicycles and Vlad the Impaler

**Halo Jones** · 24 June 2011, 12:59

Some people pay to get bruised on the bum, think on the saving you just made

**suityou01** · 24 June 2011, 13:00

Originally posted by Mich the Tester View Post

Yesterday I rode my racing bike again for the first time in a few years; took it out of the shed, cleaned it up, put two new tyres on it and fitted a newfangled saddle with a little groove cut away for protection of the male tubular organ and went out for half an hour's interval training.

Can't do any serious running at the moment, you see, as I have some kind of knee problem that might require an operation, so on sports doctor's advice I'm training on the bike. Now I'm pretty fit, so cycling was easy enough. However, the saddle is really only a slight improvement on Vlad Tepes's original design for racing bicycle saddles. It didn't cause any numbness in the willy department, which is a good thing, but I nevertheless have a bruised bum. I know that some members of the congregation have experience with racing bicycles, and am wondering what is necessary to prevent this pain, other than the cushioned shorts which I already have?

Just cushioned shorts. And lots of time in the saddle. As soon as you can stand it, get back on your bike. Did I mention I cycled from London to Brighton last Sunday?

Didn't get too saddle sore compared to the first ride of the year back in March.

If you want to be really gay then get a gel saddle or gel saddle cover.

**Mason Boyne** · 24 June 2011, 13:02

Originally posted by suityou01 View Post

Just cushioned shorts. And lots of time in the saddle. As soon as you can stand it, get back on your bike. Did I mention I cycled from London to Brighton last Sunday?

Didn't get too saddle sore compared to the first ride of the year back in March.

If you want to be really gay then get a gel saddle or gel saddle cover.

Real contractors pay other people to ride their bikes.

**mudskipper** · 24 June 2011, 13:03

Normal to feel bruised first time on your bike in a while. It does get better.

**EternalOptimist** · 24 June 2011, 13:08

Mich, is there not some sort of butt-plug device that has a saddle-shaped interface on the outside. Maybe there is a market for different types of attachment. Be the first in your street to get a handrail one so you excel at planking on verandahs

**suityou01** · 24 June 2011, 13:08

NSFW

Does remind me of an extremely rude joke. If easily offended, look away now.

My mates girlfriend just died. She was noshing him quite hard and kept on saying "Impaler, impaler", which he thought was a cute pet name for his oversized organ. It turns out she was asthmatic.

**TimberWolf** · 24 June 2011, 13:19

Pressure = force / area = weight / arseArea (oddly enough there doesn't appear to be a name for that quantity's dimensions when it's integrated over time, namely mass/(length * time).

Sliding friction = frictionalCoefficientOfArseAndSeat * weight

You need to minimise both of those for a comfy ride.

Top tip: Don't pedal away forcefully from a standstill after alighting your bike when you have a slippery drive train.

**oracleslave** · 24 June 2011, 13:26

I use an Adamo saddle similar to thisAmazon.com: ISM Adamo Race Saddle White: Sports & Outdoors

**Mich the Tester** · 24 June 2011, 13:28

Originally posted by TimberWolf View Post

Pressure = force / area = weight / arseArea (oddly enough there doesn't appear to be a name for that quantity's dimensions when it's integrated over time, namely mass/(length * time).

Sliding friction = frictionalCoefficientOfArseAndSeat * weight

You need to minimise both of those for a comfy ride.

Top tip: Don't pedal away forcefully from a standstill after alighting your bike when you have a slippery drive train.

Are you suggesting that racing bicycles were actually made for people who weigh less than 15 stone?

Racing bicycles and Vlad the Impaler