T.i.w.l.t.d.b.i.d

[SimonMac]

(Things I Would Like To Do Before I Die)

• Bet £10,000 on a single hand of poker

• Rampage through a shopping centre in a tank

• Blow something up with high explosives

• Drive at over 150mph on a UK road

• Organise a coup d’état in a small, mineral rich west African country

• Buy Tottenham Hotspurs, sell the entire playing staff on eBay and bulldoze White Heart Lane to provide parking for Ashburton Grove

• Work out what are the rules to American Football, that is if there are any

• Meet one of the hundreds of Russian women who email me every day

• Run for political office, and say “Nah I’ve changed my mind” on polling day

• Kidnap Tim Westwood and beat him with a turntable until he stops speaking like a tool, innit!

• Finish a game of Solitare on a Windows 3.11 system

• Perform an awesome 15 minute guitar solo infront of a packed arena, culminating in the destruction of said guitar by either creating a small bonfire or smashing it (* I may need to learn to play the guitar first)

• Find a German with a sense of humour

• Jump out of a giant cake

• Pop Jordan/Katie Prices chesticles with a pin

• Using complex, detailed and highly scientific algorithms prove Tom & Jerry is the best cartoon ever, fact!

• Stage a one man rendition of the classic film Airplane!

• Find out what Willis was talking about?!

• Swim in custard

• Run down Oxford Street on Christmas Eve, fall to the floor in the foetal position chanting “Santa IS real” over and over

[suityou01]

Never ever ever ever refer to them as Hotspurs or I will hunt you down and kill you.

Clear?

[suityou01]

I say kill, prolly more like maim.

[suityou01]

I say maim, prolly more like whinge loudly and then burst into tears, but you get the idea.

Just don't! OK.

[Mich the Tester]

I say maim, prolly more like whinge loudly and then burst into tears, but you get the idea.

Just don't! OK.

Are you still moaning about the Tottenham Hotspurs?

[Mich the Tester]

• Watch SY01 trying to kill someone with his bare hands

[gingerjedi]

Are you still moaning about the Tottenham Hotspurs?

Is that the same as Tottingham Hotspurs?

[SimonMac]

Never ever ever ever refer to them as Hotspurs or I will hunt you down and kill you.

Clear?

I normally just call them "Our disabled little friend's next door that if they were a dog you would have shot by now"

[NotAllThere]

Or, if they were in France, and a horse, you would have eaten them.

[ChimpMaster]

You might as well add "have sex" to that list because from the amount of time on your hands I'd guess you're a virgin!