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NotAllThere
8th May 2012, 12:35
Just checked into the hospital for surgery tomorrow. Not bad. Free internet, with a good bandwidth. Reasonable menu, with a choice of wines.

It's a public ward, as I'm too tight to pay for a private room, so I'm having to share it with one other chap. Just need to find a way to stave off the boredom...

d000hg
8th May 2012, 12:36
Where and what (if you con't mind saying)?

Best of British to you.

DimPrawn
8th May 2012, 12:36
This is non NHS obviously.

BrilloPad
8th May 2012, 12:43
Is this the yearly mod operation to remove any trace of humility? :laugh

Very best of luck - hope it goes well. If you get bored the counting thread needs finishing.

Are the nurses pretty?

AtW
8th May 2012, 12:45
Just need to find a way to stave off the boredom...

Start banning people on here that you've always wanted banned :devil

NotAllThere
8th May 2012, 12:46
This is non NHS obviously.Swiss healthcare, so a subsidised private system.


Is this the yearly mod operation to remove any trace of humility? ...No, and anyway, that's more a check to make sure none has come back.

This is a small correction to my plumbing to prevent problems twenty years down the line. Hopefully out by Saturday.

SimonMac
8th May 2012, 12:47
Swiss healthcare, so a subsidised private system.

No, and anyway, that's more a check to make sure none has come back.

This is a small correction to my plumbing to prevent problems twenty years down the line. Hopefully out by Saturday.

So after tomorrow you literally won't all be there!

Good luck and bag a sponge bath for me!

NotAllThere
8th May 2012, 12:48
I already had chunks out of my spinal column, so I've not been all there for years.

BrilloPad
8th May 2012, 12:50
Start banning people on here that you've always wanted banned :devil

I know you will find this hard to believe - but that might include YOU!

Actually, I am wrong, everyone loves you.....

BrilloPad
8th May 2012, 12:52
hmmmm - one mod down for next few days. I must prepare my sockies.

EternalOptimist
8th May 2012, 12:57
get an audit done on yer balls before you go in, number, size, weight etc. and write an L on one and an R on the other, in felt tip, just in case they get the wrong one. Oh and put your name down the side of your saus

never ever trust a surgeon, incompetent butchers the lot of them. blood thirsy useless knife weilding idiots.

good luck though, and dont worry

and if you dont make it, can I have your sig ?


:rolleyes:

AtW
8th May 2012, 13:03
I know you will find this hard to believe - but that might include YOU!

Actually, I am wrong, everyone loves you.....

I'll take my chances :devil

NotAllThere
8th May 2012, 13:49
...

and if you dont make it, can I have your sig ?


:rolleyes:Of course you can.

My nurses just turned up - quite disappointing. But the old guy I'm sharing the ward with has got a pretty young thing. I must ask him who his health insurer is.

Halo Jones
8th May 2012, 13:52
Hope your back to (relative) normal soon :hug:

Sysman
8th May 2012, 15:53
Just checked into the hospital for surgery tomorrow. Not bad. Free internet, with a good bandwidth. Reasonable menu, with a choice of wines.

It's a public ward, as I'm too tight to pay for a private room, so I'm having to share it with one other chap. Just need to find a way to stave off the boredom...

I had a public ward. Had to share with two then three.

After that stay I decided that sharing was a help in fending off the boredom. We had a selection of daily papers delivered and the lady with a selection of library books on a trolley dug out some English books for me.

Good luck under the knife!

EternalOptimist
8th May 2012, 16:17
Of course you can.

My nurses just turned up - quite disappointing. But the old guy I'm sharing the ward with has got a pretty young thing. I must ask him who his health insurer is.

I dont mean to scare you NAT, but I had this mate ,right.

He was in for a bit of treatment to the old waterworks, and the surgeon read his notes and was a bit suprised when he got to the end - ' incise around the base and surgically remove penis '
so he whipped it off.
Then the theatre nurse realised there was a second page to the notes, with just one word on it - 'wart'
So the bloodthirsty butcher retrieved the severed member from the bin , and sure enough there was a tiny genital wart on one side.

no word of a lie.

It's always the cover up that gets them though. always.

He asked the sister if they had any willy doners on the records - no
Any car crash victims -no
Anyone in cryo - no

But the sister did remember that they had a baby elephant on ice
'Great ', says the surgeon, 'lets give him an elephants willy'
'er.... its a baby female elephant'
'Whaat ' said the surgeon, 'he's bound to notice that he entered the theatre with a warty willy and left with an elephants twat'
'I was thinking of using the trunk doctor'
'brilliant, we can explain the colour, wrinkles etc as post operatic stress disorder. or something'
So they transplanted the baby elephants trunk on him and sent him home.

He confided in me one day that he had lost a lot of feeling in his willy, but that his missus was made up. The main problem, he said, is that every time I go past a bakery, it reaches out, grabs an iced bun, and shoves it up my @rse




:rolleyes:

NotAllThere
8th May 2012, 16:25
Nurses. With friends like that, who needs enemas? :booty:

Old Greg
8th May 2012, 16:30
Just checked into the hospital for surgery tomorrow. Not bad. Free internet, with a good bandwidth. Reasonable menu, with a choice of wines.

It's a public ward, as I'm too tight to pay for a private room, so I'm having to share it with one other chap. Just need to find a way to stave off the boredom...

Pot noodle and invoicing is the traditional method.

EternalOptimist
8th May 2012, 16:33
Nurses. With friends like that, who needs enemas? :booty:

laughter

the best medicine.

TimberWolf
8th May 2012, 16:35
... and write an L on one and an R on the other, in felt tip, just in case they get the wrong one.

Your left or theirs? Might be easier just to write "not this one"*

*as long as you can be sure the "not" won't get rubbed off or be hidden behind something.

TimberWolf
8th May 2012, 16:36
Also, beware of unpronounceable surnames.

EternalOptimist
8th May 2012, 21:54
Also, beware of unpronounceable surnames.

Ivor Bollockoff
Mustaffa Gonad

Zippy
8th May 2012, 22:04
Nurses. With friends like that, who needs enemas? :booty:

Ooh Matron! Good luck NAT.

MarillionFan
8th May 2012, 22:08
One two, drip on the floor.
Three four, drip no more. :tongue

NotAllThere
9th May 2012, 18:56
Just had a sponge bath...:ohwell

MarillionFan
9th May 2012, 19:01
Just had a sponge bath...:ohwell

http://www.maryshomemadecakes.co.uk/img/sponge.jpg

How do you get the icing sugar off???

EternalOptimist
9th May 2012, 19:25
Just had a sponge bath...:ohwell

You made it.

God damn makes be proud to be British.

Whatever you do, dont grab the nurses tit. When you are better , I'll tell you the story:smokin


:rolleyes:

NotAllThere
10th May 2012, 05:12
With a pipe in my pipe, I'm anxious not to cause any offence.

BrilloPad
10th May 2012, 06:25
I'm anxious not to cause any offence.

A mod not anxious to cause offence? :eek:

The operation has failed! Admin - get him back to theatre immediately.....

SimonMac
10th May 2012, 08:00
With a pipe in my pipe, I'm anxious not to cause any offence.

With a pipe in your pipe it wouldn't be causing offence I would be anxious about, its the barrage of pictures of semi naked ladies that are just about to be posted!!!

OwlHoot
10th May 2012, 08:25
But the old guy I'm sharing the ward with has got a pretty young thing. ...

You mean he's had a thing transplant, and now it looks years younger? :eek

It's amazing what doctors can do these days.

I doubt he'll be able to use it much, because as they say it's all in the mind.

SupremeSpod
10th May 2012, 08:30
You mean he's had a thing transplant, and now it looks years younger? :eek

It's amazing what doctors can do these days.

I doubt he'll be able to use it much, because as they say it's all in the mind.

I bet his wife hopes the swelling doesn't go down...