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View Full Version : The British army is doomed



BrilloPad
26th June 2012, 08:29
I am now convinced that should we come to fight a war against anyone we will lose.

My brother (a former major in 1para) attempted to come to a family lunch on Sunday. From Putney to New Eltham. He needed advice on the cycle route which he then announced was too hard and far despite being basically 2 roads from Victoria(A202 and A20 - he cycles to work near Victoria). I looked up trains for him to find that there was engineering work so advised him to get to Eltham where I would give him a lift.

He set off at 11am (quite how he expected to get to my house in 30 minutes I am not sure) and then called at 1:30pm from Eltham station saying "I am getting back on the train - its just too far". No-one in the family could change his mind.

Had he communicated that he missed his train at London Bridge by 3 minutes I would have told him to get back on the jubilee line and collected him from the O2.

Is the standard of elite regiment army officers really that bad? I assumed that they could get 13 miles anywhere in the world by using only the sun for navigation and living off what they can kill.

Presumably now in the usual cuk manner when the army is mentioned I am going to get lots of abuse. Bring it on.....

MarillionFan
26th June 2012, 08:33
Which just goes to prove that the RLC is really what makes the army tick.:rolleyes:

Mich the Tester
26th June 2012, 08:34
I am now convinced that should we come to fight a war against anyone we will lose.

My brother (a former major in 1para) attempted to come to a family lunch on Sunday. From Putney to New Eltham. He needed advice on the cycle route which he then announced was too hard and far despite being basically 2 roads from Victoria(A202 and A20 - he cycles to work near Victoria). I looked up trains for him to find that there was engineering work so advised him to get to Eltham where I would give him a lift.

He set off at 11am (quite how he expected to get to my house in 30 minutes I am not sure) and then called at 1:30pm from Eltham station saying "I am getting back on the train - its just too far". No-one in the family could change his mind.

Had he communicated that he missed his train at London Bridge by 3 minutes I would have told him to get back on the jubilee line and collected him from the O2.

Is the standard of elite regiment army officers really that bad? I assumed that they could get 13 miles anywhere in the world by using only the sun for navigation and living off what they can kill.

Presumably now in the usual cuk manner when the army is mentioned I am going to get lots of abuse. Bring it on.....

They can. Then they leave the army (former major as you say), and if they don't get a job on the telly making unfit celebrities eat raccoons' testicles like Bear Grylls, they continue eating the fried breakfasts without doing the hours and hours of gruelling exercise and turn into big fat heffalumps. Perhaps they've earned the right to do so.

CodeCobbler
26th June 2012, 08:36
Presumably now in the usual cuk manner when the army is mentioned I am going to get lots of abuse. Bring it on.....

Abuse
Abuse
Abuse

:fight:

Lockhouse
26th June 2012, 08:40
He never left his house but didn't want to come to lunch with his wimpy brother. :happy

MarillionFan
26th June 2012, 08:41
He never left his house but didn't want to come to lunch with his boorish brother.

ftfy

BrilloPad
26th June 2012, 08:45
Which just goes to prove that the RLC is really what makes the army tick.:rolleyes:

err - what is the RLC?


They can. Then they leave the army (former major as you say), and if they don't get a job on the telly making unfit celebrities eat raccoons' testicles like Bear Grylls, they continue eating the fried breakfasts without doing the hours and hours of gruelling exercise and turn into big fat heffalumps. Perhaps they've earned the right to do so.

Good point.


He never left his house but didn't want to come to lunch with his wimpy brother. :happy

This was suggested. However my brother only interacts with those he wants something from. The only reason he was coming down is he wants me to get him a trading job at the hedge fund I have just joined. Thankfully he has never had children.


Abuse
Abuse
Abuse

:fight:

rofl

SimonMac
26th June 2012, 08:48
My dear brother (currently on active service in Afghanistan), a senior NCO so not like these useless Rupert's but actual soldiers, a man who has served several tours of Kosovo, Northern Ireland, Iraq and Afghanistan, stared death in the face and survived has shown me remarkable insight into the courage of the armed forces when A) Shouted down to his wife when I last stayed with them "I can't find my moisturiser, I am not going out without moisturising" and B) Was reduced to tear's and vomiting one Christmas when my 18 month old son filled his nappy due to the stench (I will give him the fact it was a bad one but still).

Fellow forumites, I present to you my brother, savior to all mankind :laugh

Mich the Tester
26th June 2012, 08:51
My dear brother (currently on active service in Afghanistan), a senior NCO so not like these useless Rupert's but actual soldiers, a man who has served several tours of Kosovo, Northern Ireland, Iraq and Afghanistan, stared death in the face and survived has shown me remarkable insight into the courage of the armed forces when A) Shouted down to his wife when I last stayed with them "I can't find my moisturiser, I am not going out without moisturising" and B) Was reduced to tear's and vomiting one Christmas when my 18 month old son filled his nappy due to the stench (I will give him the fact it was a bad one but still).

Fellow forumites, I present to you my brother, savior to all mankind :laugh

This would suggest that not only the army is in crisis, but modern man is facing an existential crisis.

MarillionFan
26th June 2012, 08:53
This would suggest that not only the army is in crisis, but modern man is facing an existential crisis.

Jeez. Men these days.

I wash my face with broken glass and brush my teeth with barbed wire.

EternalOptimist
26th June 2012, 08:53
They can. Then they leave the army (former major as you say), and if they don't get a job on the telly making unfit celebrities eat raccoons' testicles like Bear Grylls, they continue eating the fried breakfasts without doing the hours and hours of gruelling exercise and turn into big fat heffalumps. Perhaps they've earned the right to do so.

good point , well made.

although I never ate a racoons testes. I was more of a willy man myself


:rolleyes:

aussielong
26th June 2012, 08:55
err - what is the RLC?

This was suggested. However my brother only interacts with those he wants something from. The only reason he was coming down is he wants me to get him a trading job at the hedge fund I have just joined. Thankfully he has never had children.

rofl

Are you going to get him a trading job? Given his performance on Million Dollar Trader you would be risking your bonus wouldn't you? :tongue

SimonMac
26th June 2012, 08:55
Jeez. Men these days.

I wash my face with broken glass and brush my teeth with barbed wire.

Yeah but you are an ugly ***** to start off with

Mich the Tester
26th June 2012, 09:02
Jeez. Men these days.

I wash my face with broken glass and brush my teeth with barbed wire.

There you go, taking it to extremes, which suggests you are a fat pansy trying to look like a man. You need a bit of discretion in this. While it's good to implement a complete ban on products of the Laboratoires Garnier company in a man's bathroom, broken glass and barbed wire are completely over the top. Soap, toothpaste and perhaps a drop of hydrogen peroxide solution mouthwash will do the job.

scooby
26th June 2012, 09:15
The fact he is was a para AND a major is the issue! Para's only go where the planes drop them (that and Aldershot pubs for a fight, and then fight themselves when no one will fight them!) and an officer who is probably desk based...

paras dont think for themselves, they are robots!

BTW Brillo, RLC are "Loggies", Royal Logistics Corps, i.e. truck drivers etc.

BrilloPad
26th June 2012, 09:36
Are you going to get him a trading job? Given his performance on Million Dollar Trader you would be risking your bonus wouldn't you? :tongue

Let him ask me directly. I am probably going to send him a link to this thread. Last time this happened (after million dollar trader) he called me and swore at me for 30 minutes. But it was nice to get some sort of communication from him.


The fact he is was a para AND a major is the issue! Para's only go where the planes drop them (that and Aldershot pubs for a fight, and then fight themselves when no one will fight them!) and an officer who is probably desk based...

paras dont think for themselves, they are robots!

BTW Brillo, RLC are "Loggies", Royal Logistics Corps, i.e. truck drivers etc.

Agree totally about the paras. Personally I never understood why they were allowed into Northern Ireland. I blamed Heath for all that.

MyUserName
26th June 2012, 10:39
My brother came out of the army after 22 years. Apparently it used to be the fact that if you failed the same course twice (I think) you were booted out of it but now they say if you fail the same course twice you pass the third even if you actually fail. This meant that you could literally do a course, do no work and eventually pass. He said that was when he knew the army he loved was dead and it was time to leave. He recently retrained as some kind of anti pirate security guard for British ships in the middle east.