Agency Lies

[pjclarke]

Yes I know, we're used to it , I should 'move on', its 'just business' blah blah.

But I'm getting seriously fed up with the amount of time and effort I'm having to put in chasing roles that turn out, if they exist at all, to be materially and demonstrably different from the ones advertised, most recently a role advertised as 'working in London or Scotland' , the London bit was a complete porky, they just put it in cos when they advertised it in as in Scotland only they got no serious takers, soon as I enquired (after 15 minutes of a recording telling me how passionate and professional we at Huckster Associates are) it was 'the manager has just confirmed that it is in fact Scotland only, now is there a rate that would tempt you up there ...?'

No there is not you timewasting liar.

Don't suppose there's any trade body or regulator I could complain to that would do any good? Or do I just suck it up?

Please feel free to use this thread as a repository for the most outrageous examples of agents/agencies playing fast and loose with the truth (without exposing CUK to a libel risk), there'll be a modest prize of a night out with the moderators for the most egregious example. (second prize: 2 nights out with the mods ...heh)

[Cliphead]

Racist chunt.

[MarillionFan]

Racist chunt.

WHS

You can't avoid Scotland just because they're pasty faced, ginging minging , penny pitching, deep fried mars bar eating, skirt wearing, illiterate cretins.

[Cliphead]

WHS

You can't avoid Scotland just because they're pasty faced, ginging minging , penny pitching, deep fried mars bar eating, skirt wearing, illiterate cretins.

+1

[pjclarke]

That whooshing sound was the point whistling past you.

I've absolutely nowt against Scotland, Scots people or indeed whisky. The job was in Stirling, which is 6 hours minimum away as opposed to 2 hours for London, and I have family commitments which mean I have to be home weekends .....

The point was not the location, could've been 'London or Plymouth', or 'London or Dublin', the point was the time spent on applying for a non-existent contract ... .. is there really nothing we can do about this false advertising?

[Cliphead]

That whooshing sound was the point whistling past you.

I've absolutely nowt against Scotland, Scots people or indeed whisky. The job was in Stirling, which is 6 hours minimum away as opposed to 2 hours for London, and I have family commitments which mean I have to be home weekends .....

Yer still a racist chunt.

[kingcook]

(after 15 minutes of a recording telling me how passionate and professional we at Huckster Associates are)

You let them yabber on for 15 minutes?! If they ever ramble tulip like that, they get stop after 5 to 10 seconds with something like, "with all due respect i don't really care, i'm just here to work without getting involved with all the bulltulip".

(said in a nice tone, of course)

[Gentile]

Here are some rules of thumb that I've discovered over the years, and found to be huge time savers:

1. Never apply for roles that are located in Scotland, but advertised by agencies based in England. The rates quoted are usually way off-base, and the role, if it exists at all, is usually one that the agency in question is trying to muscle in on having heard about it themselves via another agency that is based up here.
   
   
2. Never apply to contract for banks. Unless you like working in bureaucratic environments, alongside bobs that exhibit a piss poor attitude and try to undermine everything you do because your actually getting stuff done makes them look bad.
   
   
3. Never pitch for work on price. Yes, we're in a recession. Yes, there's more competition now (most of it of a low quality), but there's always somebody cheaper. You've got to focus on being better, and have the ability to prove it.
   
   
4. Be female. I know you chaps wont have much choice in the matter, but trust me, when you go to an interview where you're up against half a dozen blokes that look as if they'll be wearing Death Metal t-shirts every day in the office, half of whom can't hold a conversation with anything that doesn't have a keyboard, it pays to have nice dress sense, long blonde hair, be presentable, and have the ability to communicate. You obviously need to be able to do the technical stuff too, but, all other things being equal, I'd be lying if I said that those other factors don't play a big and positive part. That's why I've landed some great gigs when I've been up against stiff competition. Nobody said life was fair, etc.
   
   
5. Be nice, but don't let anyone walk all over you. I judge agents on one criteria only: their ability or lack thereof to get me into an interview room with clients that are not deadbeats or tyre-kickers. If they can do that, I can forgive most other sins. Truth be told, some of the most effective ones I've dealt with have been people I wouldn't choose to go for a drink with personally, and conversely some of the ones that have been crap as agents have been nice as human beings. Fair / life / nice guys last, etc.
   
   
6. Your friends aren't your customers, and your customers aren't your friends (which shouldn't stop you dealing with them fairly). I've been asked to do paying work for friends before, and I've always turned it down, or done what I've been asked to do for free if I had the time and I felt like doing it. It can ruin a friendship to do work that you don't get paid for. Similarly, being too pally with clients can make it difficult to maintain the professional distance that's necessary for a business relationship to work. Concentrate on being value for money for clients rather than their pal, and you'll be doing both yourself and them a favour.

I'm sure there's more perceived wisdom out there, and loads more I've forgotten. But those are the core lessons I've learned from a mixture of contracting and working in permie roles over the past 12 years.

[cojak]

Well I won't bother with Scotland again.

I spent a foolish amount of money going to an interview in Glasgow when a Skype interview would have given me a 'No thanks' without the cost of travelling up there.

(The only consolation was a splendid evening with 2 top gents ).

[MarillionFan]

Yer still a racist chunt.

W(The Ginger skirt wearing penny pitching high chance of heart attack having poster)S

We don't want any racial stereotyping on here!