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MaryPoppins
9th November 2012, 22:21
Ok people. Help me out here. I have a lovely open fireplace here, and I'm cold. I have tons of wood (apparently 'seasoned')outside my front door, and some coal. But I have no idea how to light a fire....?

Cliphead
9th November 2012, 22:22
Ok people. Help me out here. I have a lovely open fireplace here, and I'm cold. I have tons of wood (apparently 'seasoned')outside my front door, and some coal. But I have no idea how to light a fire....?

Get a nice local chap in to do it for you while you put the kettle on.

Firelighters and newspaper are you're friend...

NickFitz
9th November 2012, 22:26
How to Light a Fire in a Fireplace: 17 steps - wikiHow (http://www.wikihow.com/Light-a-Fire-in-a-Fireplace)

EternalOptimist
9th November 2012, 22:29
Ok people. Help me out here. I have a lovely open fireplace here, and I'm cold. I have tons of wood (apparently 'seasoned')outside my front door, and some coal. But I have no idea how to light a fire....?

lol

you need 'small bits' at the bottom
'medium bits' in the middle
'tough bits' at the top

and you need to love it. and feed it.


all the layers need lots of spaces, to allow the air to flow.



So.

empty the grate.
empty the shelf underneath (the ashes)
Get some newspaper, or equiv, and screw it into tight rolls
make a layer at the bottom of the grate
add in some small splinters of wood or firelighters , things that will light easily

add a smaller layer of bigger stuff. small twigs, bits of wood the size of yer thumb etc

add a few big lumps, the size of yer arm. make sure they are dry ( put the wets on later)




you should have a big airy pyramid. stick a match to to some paper at the bottom. and watch what happens


:rolleyes:

doodab
9th November 2012, 22:31
Have you had your chimney swept recently?

captainham
9th November 2012, 22:32
Pop down to the local garage, pick up one of their portable fuel cans and brim it with unleaded (needs to be the more expensive Super stuff, regular unleaded doesn't burn so well).

When you get back home, soak a rag or old tea towel in the stuff, then stick it in the lid of the can so half the rag is sticking out.

Bung the can in the fireplace, light the rag, then wang a few logs on.

Hey presto, nice and toasty.









And keep 999 on speed dial, just as a precaution.

MaryPoppins
9th November 2012, 22:34
lol

you need 'small bits' at the bottom
'medium bits' in the middle
'tough bits' at the top

and you need to love it. and feed it.


all the layers need lots of spaces, to allow the air to flow.



So.

empty the grate.
empty the shelf underneath (the ashes)
Get some newspaper, or equiv, and screw it into tight rolls
make a layer at the bottom of the grate
add in some small splinters of wood or firelighters , things that will light easily

add a smaller layer of bigger stuff. small twigs, bits of wood the size of yer thumb etc

add a few big lumps, the size of yer arm. make sure they are dry ( put the wets on later)




you should have a big airy pyramid. stick a match to to some paper at the bottom. and watch what happens


:rolleyes:

V comprehensive EO, thank yoooou!


Have you had your chimney swept recently?

Hum. No. It's been a while.

minestrone
9th November 2012, 22:38
Unused fireplace...

Chimney fire.

That is all.

MaryPoppins
9th November 2012, 22:41
Unused fireplace...

Chimney fire.

That is all.

The chimney has been swept, if that's what you're referring to.

:eyes

TestMangler
9th November 2012, 22:41
The chimney has been swept, if that's what you're referring to.

:eyes

:laugh

Zippy
9th November 2012, 22:53
Get some newspaper, roll into tubes, tie tube in a kind of knot. Put these under some small logs/twiggy stuff and apply a match. Add bigger bits of wood as per EO's post.

Can't remember how much of a Northerner you are :D, but if you have a chip pan put a dollop of fat on the newspaper knots.
Enjoy, you lucky person.

minestrone
9th November 2012, 22:55
The chimney has been swept, if that's what you're referring to.

:eyes

ehhm. what do I say...

Soot builds up on inside of the chimney over time and can itself combust, when the fireplace has dried out over time this can lead to more problems with lighting a new fire.

doodab was asking the question.

Sysman
9th November 2012, 23:40
Get some newspaper, roll into tubes, tie tube in a kind of knot. Put these under some small logs/twiggy stuff and apply a match. Add bigger bits of wood as per EO's post.

Yep. Rolling a double sheet diagonally is the best.

Investing in a kitchen sized box of Swan Vestas is a good idea, if they are still available.

A gas poker is another solution. We had a gas outlet by each fireplace when I were a lad, just for lighting the fire. I suppose it was a posh house to have that.


Can't remember how much of a Northerner you are :D, but if you have a chip pan put a dollop of fat on the newspaper knots.
Enjoy, you lucky person.

Never heard of the fat thing but it would work. Once the fire is lit, old chop or chicken bones burn well. Less rubbish to chuck.

suityou01
9th November 2012, 23:58
Ok people. Help me out here. I have a lovely open fireplace here, and I'm cold. I have tons of wood (apparently 'seasoned')outside my front door, and some coal. But I have no idea how to light a fire....?

I thought this was a thread about you burning to death :tantrum:

Gonzo
10th November 2012, 05:37
Have you had your chimney swept recently?


Unused fireplace...

Chimney fire.

That is all.I can not stress how important this point is.

If there is debris it could catch light but be a slow burn that doesn't destroy your house until later in the night when you are asleep.

My parents always get a sweep to clear things out once a year in the autumn before they start using the fire. After that it does get used all day, every day through the winter.

On the original question, they usually use Firelighters to get the fire burning, although some tightly rolled-up newspapers will do the job.

NotAllThere
10th November 2012, 06:33
Build fire.
Light cigarette.
Get cigarette glowing nicely, place on top of the fire.
Pour on liquid oxygen.

(Note, always add lox to the ignition source - never the other way round, unless you like really big bangs).

mudskipper
10th November 2012, 06:50
Invite a boy scout in for bob-a-job.

OwlHoot
10th November 2012, 08:12
The chimney has been swept, if that's what you're referring to.

Also, is the chimney or flue shaped for wood or coal?

I was amazed to learn it can make a difference, and some chimneys are suitable only for one or the other.

doodab
10th November 2012, 08:14
Invite a boy scout in for bob-a-job.

That's another way for the ladies to keep warm I suppose...

bless 'em all
10th November 2012, 08:32
Have you had your chimney swept recently?

:uofftopic

minestrone
10th November 2012, 08:46
Seen a chimney fire when I was young, not a bad one as the fire brigade were there sharpish but they hosed some water down it from the top and the living room must have been like an Alabama swamp.

I need to get mine swept, not been used in decades and no intention of using any of them but the amount of tulipe that drops down onto the fireplace rips my knickers.

OwlHoot
10th November 2012, 08:56
Build fire.
Light cigarette.
Get cigarette glowing nicely, place on top of the fire.
Pour on liquid oxygen.

(Note, always add lox to the ignition source - never the other way round, unless you like really big bangs).

Some of these guys (http://www.arrse.co.uk/sappers/75154-who-used-c4-firelighters-4.html) swear by something called Nobel 808 as a firelighter :rolleyes:

Paddy
10th November 2012, 09:13
The most efficient way to get a wood or coal fire going is to make a draught .

In the 50s my mum used a double sheet of newspaper stretched out to cover the upper part of the fire place. Once the fire was going she would throw the paper in the fire. (I do not recommend that method.)

I use a flat sheet of metal. I close off 3/4 of the fire. it takes about 30 seconds for the draft to build up and one minute later you have a roaring fire.

Experiment with various types of wood. Various wood have different properties. Some burn slow, some fast, some will pop out therefore you may need a fire guard.

The older the wood; the better

If you have a small chimney fire, it will usually burn itself out.

Invest in a wood burner; it is safer and holds in the heat.

minestrone
10th November 2012, 09:19
The paper draft is a dodgy move.

People lose hold of the sheet and it gets sucked up the chimney increasing the chances of chimney fire.

Sysman
10th November 2012, 09:26
The most efficient way to get a wood or coal fire going is to make a draught .

In the 50s my mum used a double sheet of newspaper stretched out to cover the upper part of the fire place. Once the fire was going she would throw the paper in the fire. (I do not recommend that method.)

My mum did that and it really does get a fire going quickly. Newspaper over a fireguard is a better idea because it can't get sucked into the fire. You do need to watch with either method so you can take evasive action if the paper catches light.


I use a flat sheet of metal. I close off 3/4 of the fire. it takes about 30 seconds for the draft to build up and one minute later you have a roaring fire.

Experiment with various types of wood. Various wood have different properties. Some burn slow, some fast, some will pop out therefore you may need a fire guard.

The older the wood; the better

If you have a small chimney fire, it will usually burn itself out.

Invest in a wood burner; it is safer and holds in the heat.

Not too small a wood burner either. I had one which wouldn't last overnight.

DaveB
10th November 2012, 09:36
Probably a bit late now, but if you want heat, build a coal fire. Logs look nice and make lot of flame but give off a lot less heat than a coal fire.

Clear the grate, put 1 fire lighter in the middle. Use smaller bits of wood, finger or thumb thickness, 5 or 6 inches long to build up a stack around it then put a layer over the top. The kindling they sell in garages with the bags of coal does fine. Easiest way is one piece either side, then two pieces laid across, them, then two more until it's higher than the fire lighter, then 4 or five pieces laid across that.

Chuck coal over the top of it to half fill the grate, leaving a gap at the front so you can reach the fire lighter with a match,

Light the fire lighter. Give it 10 minutes and you'll have a good fire going that you can add more coal to later. In 30 minutes it will be too hot to get near and your room will be toasty!


If you do get a chimney fire you can put it out yourself if it's not to serious. Soak a bath towel in water lay it over the top of the fire. The steam from that will go up the chimney and starve the fire. Keep adding water to the towel to keep the steam going. By using the towel you don't immediately put out the fire in the grate and it generates a lot more steam to go up the chimney. Normally only takes a few minutes to work.

If it doesn't, call the fire brigade.

Paddy
10th November 2012, 09:44
Not too small a wood burner either. I had one which wouldn't last overnight.

I bought one on eBay for £60 including ducts. It is over 100 years old and has an oven section and two hobs. The older ones tend to be made of better cast iron.

Sysman
10th November 2012, 09:55
I bought one on eBay for £60 including ducts. It is over 100 years old and has an oven section and two hobs. The older ones tend to be made of better cast iron.

That was a good deal.

eBay didn't exist back in the 80s and second hand fires cost a fortune. I obviously wasn't looking in the right places.

SimonMac
10th November 2012, 13:07
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RB9wtjuvqNQ

expat
10th November 2012, 14:37
The most efficient way to get a wood or coal fire going is to make a draught .

In the 50s my mum used a double sheet of newspaper stretched out to cover the upper part of the fire place. Once the fire was going she would throw the paper in the fire. (I do not recommend that method.)
We used to write a letter to Santa, then (after checking the letter) Mum would hold it below the chimney and let go, and it would be delivered up the chimney and Santa would get it.

Don't laugh, it had a higher success rate than the emails I now send out to agents.

vetran
10th November 2012, 15:38
We used to write a letter to Santa, then (after checking the letter) Mum would hold it below the chimney and let go, and it would be delivered up the chimney and Santa would get it.

Don't laugh, it had a higher success rate than the emails I now send out to agents.

Maybe you should offer to sit on the Agents Knee? Have you been a good boy all year?

expat
10th November 2012, 15:51
Maybe you should offer to sit on the Agents Knee? Have you been a good boy all year?I'll report you for suggestions of paedophilia.

minestrone
10th November 2012, 16:00
I wrote a letter to satan, got a kiss album from santa that year.

SueEllen
10th November 2012, 17:19
We used to write a letter to Santa, then (after checking the letter) Mum would hold it below the chimney and let go, and it would be delivered up the chimney and Santa would get it.

Don't laugh, it had a higher success rate than the emails I now send out to agents.


I don't know what is more funny - this or MP burning her house down.

BTW how do you tell if your chimney is for coal or wood? I know my current one and my previous ones are for coal has having a coal cellar/cupboard is a bit of a clue but how do you know if you were suppose to be burning wood?

EternalOptimist
10th November 2012, 17:25
How did it go MP ?

are you still with us ?




:rolleyes:

Sysman
10th November 2012, 18:39
How did it go MP ?

are you still with us ?



Optimist!

minestrone
10th November 2012, 18:59
How did it go MP ?

are you still with us ?


Lecckie blanket & 50 shades of grey.

The geeks on CUK put her off.

EternalOptimist
10th November 2012, 19:19
Lecckie blanket & 50 shades of grey.

The geeks on CUK put her off.

geeks indeed:mad

I got wood, you wanted to clean her flue out and a few others warned her about being sucked up the chimney



:rolleyes:

MaryPoppins
10th November 2012, 21:03
How did it go MP ?

are you still with us ?




:rolleyes:

V grateful for all your advice people, ta. Except SY, who's obviously a bedwetting twat.

I opted against a fire in the end and went to bed instead. Too lazy!

MaryPoppins
10th November 2012, 21:04
50 shades of grey.



:sick

No thanks.

MaryPoppins
3rd February 2013, 20:49
I know this has probably been playing on people's minds.

I got a thorough sweeping, and worked out how to light a fire. Nice!

To the horror of friends and family, I also bought an axe to make (?) kindling. Limbs all intact, and only one small dent in the side of the car where some wood pinged into it. Ahem.

Cliphead
3rd February 2013, 20:50
I know this has probably been playing on people's minds.

I got a thorough sweeping, and worked out how to light a fire. Nice!

To the horror of friends and family, I also bought an axe to make (?) kindling. Limbs all intact, and only one small dent in the side of the car where some wood pinged into it. Ahem.

You know you can buy kindling?

mudskipper
3rd February 2013, 20:52
You know you can buy kindling?

Or send the local boy scouts out to collect it.

Cliphead
3rd February 2013, 20:53
Or send the local boy scouts out to collect it.

They'd just get all excited rubbing it together...

MaryPoppins
3rd February 2013, 20:59
You know you can buy kindling?

Pah. Not me. I have lots of wood about the place. Got it into my head I wanted to chop it up.

Harder work than it looks, apparently.

Cliphead
3rd February 2013, 21:00
Pah. Not me. I have lots of wood about the place. Got it into my head I wanted to chop it up.

Harder work than it looks, apparently.

Chopped up three tons of wood last year for a friend, yes very hard work and the kindling was the easy part.

MaryPoppins
3rd February 2013, 21:01
Chopped up three tons of wood last year for a friend, yes very hard work and the kindling was the easy part.

Three?

Wimp.

I did twelve tons today.

Cliphead
3rd February 2013, 21:01
Three?

Wimp.

I did twelve tons today.

Bollocks :laugh

mudskipper
3rd February 2013, 21:03
Bollocks :laugh

Yep, she chopped a couple of them off too.

MaryPoppins
3rd February 2013, 21:05
Bollocks :laugh

Yeah, like yours was! :happy

Cliphead
3rd February 2013, 21:05
Yep, she chopped a couple of them off too.

Sockie :eek:

northernladuk
3rd February 2013, 21:37
Are you sure you are not in a Smoke Control Area? This might apply if you do...


What are the requirements in a smoke control area?

Within a smoke control area it is an offence to burn any “unauthorised” smoky fuel such as coal, coke or wood unless it is burned using an “exempt” appliance. The maximum fine for an offence is £1000.

Cliphead
3rd February 2013, 21:39
Yeah, like yours was! :happy

I've still got two :tongue

Was a close thing though.

Carefull with that axe Eugene (nod to Zeity).

minestrone
3rd February 2013, 21:49
Are you sure you are not in a Smoke Control Area? This might apply if you do...

I am in a smoke control area, everyone ignores it.

I am not going to go pissy panting to the council if someone up the street decides to light a fire.