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gricerboy
9th January 2013, 16:00
Some advice required please - I have been temporarily disfigured whilst trying to light my granny's Esse cooker earlier today and I need input from some of the CUK ladies on how to employ cosmetics to restore my former appearance (or at least, the illusion thereof).

Let me explain, an Esse is much like an Aga or Rayburn and is powered by solid fuel. My granny burns logs on hers and has recently purchased a load that is not particularly well seasoned. Consequently, she has had problems keeping her fire going and I've been summoned on a number of occasions, each of which has ended with me on my knees, poker in hand dripping with sweat.

Well, today I didn't feel I had the energy for it so I emptied half a gallon of paraffin into her box, struck a match and WOOF! I found myself momentarily engulfed by a huge fireball which burned both my eyebrows off. Not only that, I lost most of the hair at the front of my head with a remaining central section tapering down to a V at the forehead - leaving me with a hairdo known in times gone by as a "widow's peak".

I am terribly distraught about this as I have to go and pick up Malc from Bath Spa later this evening and I am anxious as to what effect my appearance will have on him. I am also starting at a new client co tomorrow and don't want to feel self conscious on my first day.

I'm guessing I could use mascara to paint on some fake eyebrows, what about the hairline? Any advice would be most welcome.

Alias
9th January 2013, 16:12
Some advice required please -

My granny burns logs on hers and has recently purchased a load that is not particularly well seasoned. Consequently, she has had problems keeping her fire going and I've been summoned on a number of occasions, each of which has ended with me on my knees, poker in hand dripping with sweat.

Well, today I didn't feel I had the energy for it so I emptied half a gallon of paraffin into her box, struck a match and WOOF!

:rollin:

BrilloPad
9th January 2013, 16:12
Just wear a paper bag over your head. If anyone asks just say you are a suicide bomber and trying to hide your nervousness.

HTH

administrator
9th January 2013, 17:03
Your best post to date. The fact that the others were shite should not dampen this praise.

fullyautomatix
9th January 2013, 17:06
Jesus !! Who would ever think of having sex with their own granny ?? You utterly filthy :winker:

darmstadt
9th January 2013, 18:07
Strange how MTT and gricer both reappear on the same day :eek:

Troll
9th January 2013, 18:35
http://i.ebayimg.com/t/LPG-Gas-poker-kit-/00/$(KGrHqMOKi0E31R-o1GzBOGWU685zg~~_35.JPG


HTH

darmstadt
9th January 2013, 19:21
One of these masks and he'd never notice:

http://cdn1.horror-shop.com/out/pictures/generated/product/1/350_600_75/verschmierte_doll_face_maske-moerderpuppe_moerder_puppe_masken_halloween_hallow een_maske_horror_masken_dollface_horror_maske-19425.jpg

gricerboy
9th January 2013, 20:23
Your best post to date. The fact that the others were tulipe should not dampen this praise.

Oh, I thought you also liked my post that got us into trouble with the Youth Rail Enthusiasts Association :confused:

administrator
9th January 2013, 21:05
Oh, I thought you also liked my post that got us into trouble with the Youth Rail Enthusiasts Association :confused:

Must admit that one was amusing too :laugh

chef
9th January 2013, 21:52
Some advice required please - I have been temporarily disfigured whilst trying to light my granny's Esse cooker earlier today..

that's all I needed before I burst out laughing.. top post gricers sockie


Your best post to date. The fact that the others were tulipe should not dampen this praise.

:rollin:

Zippy
9th January 2013, 22:54
Oh Gricer :hug: Poor old you. Bet you never thought you'd damage yourself stoking Granny's box.

I wouldn't draw on eyebrows - unless you want to look like Fanny Craddock would if she'd just sat on a spike. Simply do a comb-over, go in tomorrow and look them all in the eye. Should anyone be indelicate and refer to your facial hair, just tell them you have been playing Ziggy Stardust in your amateur dramatic society's Christmas production. That should shut them up.

formant
10th January 2013, 09:25
Yeah, don't 'draw' the eyebrows on, that's just bound to look wrong.

For a natural look applying matte eyeshadow (in your haircolour) with a thin angled brush works best for filling in eyebrows, but anything decent is pricey and your eyebrows should return in about 2 weeks anyway.

My 'expert' (=female) opinion - don't worry. If anyone asks, well, it is a good story! ;)

TestMangler
10th January 2013, 09:32
Yeah, don't 'draw' the eyebrows on, that's just bound to look wrong.

For a natural look applying matte eyeshadow (in your haircolour) with a thin angled brush works best for filling in eyebrows, but anything decent is pricey and your eyebrows should return in about 2 weeks anyway.

My 'expert' (=female) opinion - don't worry. If anyone asks, well, it is a good story! ;)

Have you any make up tips to deal with the problem of gricer not actually being real ?? :happy

Doggy Styles
10th January 2013, 23:43
I am terribly distraught about this as I have to go and pick up Malc from Bath Spa later this evening and I am anxious as to what effect my appearance will have on him. I am also starting at a new client co tomorrow and don't want to feel self conscious on my first day.Hi Gricer!

I've only just caught up with your hair-raising story. It must have been a shock! I know because I was in a restaurant once sharing some pork loin with a friend, and a lady on another table nearby leant too close to a candle and woof! The hairspray on her bouffant went up like a nidget.

Luckily a nice young waiter was close by and he dextrously threw a towel or something similar over her head, extinguishing the flames before any damage was done to her head. Coincidentally, as we are talking about hair, this was a restaurant in Barnet!

Anyway, my real reason for posting was to ask how your first day at the new contract went. Did you take the advice of the helpful ladies vis-a-vis masking the damage?

Sausage Surprise
11th January 2013, 07:31
Shave the lot off for the Matt Lucas look. It'll then grow back more evenly.

gricerboy
13th January 2013, 00:22
Hi Gricer!

I've only just caught up with your hair-raising story. It must have been a shock! I know because I was in a restaurant once sharing some pork loin with a friend, and a lady on another table nearby leant too close to a candle and woof! The hairspray on her bouffant went up like a nidget.

Luckily a nice young waiter was close by and he dextrously threw a towel or something similar over her head, extinguishing the flames before any damage was done to her head. Coincidentally, as we are talking about hair, this was a restaurant in Barnet!

Anyway, my real reason for posting was to ask how your first day at the new contract went. Did you take the advice of the helpful ladies vis-a-vis masking the damage?

Hi DS :wave:

Malc was very supportive and lent me his Snooker Loopy T-shirt to wear. Then when I got home he was lying in wait to surprise me with a with a Sloppy Giuseppe

Doggy Styles
14th January 2013, 10:04
Hi DS :wave:

Malc was very supportive and lent me his Snooker Loopy T-shirt to wear. Then when I got home he was lying in wait to surprise me with a with a Sloppy GiuseppeGood for Malc!

I was actually wondering whether you took any advice from the cosmetes on the board, about brow-liners and the like.