Strange Guest at my B&B

[Malcolm Buggeridge]

A fact to which any travelling contractor will attest is that we all run the gamut of life's oddballs and eccentrics when we check in to the various boarding houses and houseshares that serve as a roof over our heads from Monday to Friday. I recently had an encounter that stretched that particular maxim to the full.

Returning to my farmhouse B&B accommodation the other night, I parked the jalopy in the barn, got out and made my out across the farmyard when a figure emerged from the shadows and strutted swiftly towards me and announced that the Admiral Graf Spee, the WW2 German pocket battleship, had a length of 610 feet and a displacement of 16000 when fully laden.

There was no preamble to this whatsoever, he just launched himself into imparting me with this barrage of nautical facts.

I tried to politely extricate myself from the situation, nodding vigorously with a wan smile on my face as I gradually moved backwards to distance myself from him but he counteracted this by smartly sidestepping closer to me, bringing his heels together with a click that would make any parade ground obergruppenführer proud, until his face was inches from mine and he resumed imbibing me with Graf Spee related trivia.

While I found this behaviour a trifle disturbing, I've discovered that he has a trait that I find far more sinister than his preoccupation with Nazi military hardware; something that has manifested itself on a number of visits to our shared bathroom.

Now, I had always assumed that the landlady was responsible for this as I know that, for a lady at least, it is customary to wipe one's shashee after having "spent a penny" but, from my observations, I have now deduced that this is the work of my co-lodger. After he has had a tinkle and pulled the chain there is always a single piece of lavatory paper stuck in exactly the same position on the inside of the bowl with the same corner folded over by exactly the same amount every time.

It is this degree of fastidiousness coupled with his obsession with Nazi memorabilia that makes me wonder if I am living with a psychopath or whether he is a member of some paramilitary sleeper cell and he is using some bizarre form of semaphore to send out coded messages.

Either way, I'm off to Days Inn at Fleet Services next week.

[KentPhilip]

No you muppet, I said the length was 610 ft 3 in, with a displacement of 14,650 long tons

German cruiser Admiral Graf Spee
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German cruiser Admiral Graf Spee Bundesarchiv DVM 10 Bild-23-63-06, Panzerschiff "Admiral Graf Spee".jpg
Admiral Graf Spee in 1936
Career (Nazi Germany)
Name: Admiral Graf Spee
Namesake: Maximilian von Spee
Builder: Reichsmarinewerft, Wilhelmshaven
Laid down: 1 October 1932
Launched: 30 June 1934
Commissioned: 6 January 1936
Fate: Scuttled, 17 December 1939
General characteristics
Class & type: Deutschland class cruiser
Displacement: Design:

14,890 t (14,650 long tons; 16,410 short tons)

Full load:

16,020 long tons (16,280 t)

Length: 186 m (610 ft 3 in)
Beam: 21.65 m (71 ft 0 in)
Draft: 7.34 m (24 ft 1 in)
Propulsion:

Eight MAN diesel engines
Two propellers
52,050 shp (38,810 kW)

Speed: 29.5 knots (55 km/h)
Range: 8,900 nautical miles (16,500 km; 10,200 mi) at 20 knots (37 km/h; 23 mph)
Complement: As built:

33 officers
586 enlisted

After 1935:

30 officers
921–1,040 enlisted

Sensors and
processing systems: 1940:

FMG 39 G(gO)

1941:

FMG 40 G(gO)
FuMO 26

Armament: As built:

6 × 28 cm (11 in) in triple turrets
8 × 15 cm (5.9 in) in single turrets
8 × 53.3 cm (21.0 in) torpedo tubes

Armor:

main turrets: 140 mm (5.5 in)
belt: 80 mm (3.1 in)
deck: 45 mm (1.8 in)

Aircraft carried: Two Arado Ar 196 seaplanes
Aviation facilities: One catapult

Admiral Graf Spee was a Deutschland-class heavy cruiser (originally termed Panzerschiff or armoured ship, sometimes referred to as "pocket battleship") which served with the Kriegsmarine of Nazi Germany during World War II. The vessel was named after Admiral Maximilian von Spee, commander of the East Asia Squadron that fought the battles of Coronel and Falkland Islands in World War I. She was laid down at the Reichsmarinewerft shipyard in Wilhelmshaven in October 1932 and completed by January 1936. The ship was nominally under the 10,000 long tons (10,000 t) limitation on warship size imposed by the Treaty of Versailles, though with a full load displacement of 16,020 long tons (16,280 t), she significantly exceeded it. Armed with six 28 cm (11 in) guns in two triple gun turrets, Admiral Graf Spee and her sisters were designed to outgun any cruiser fast enough to catch them. Their top speed of 28 kn (52 km/h; 32 mph) left only a handful of ships in the Anglo-French navies able to catch them and powerful enough to sink them.[1]

The ship conducted five non-intervention patrols during the Spanish Civil War in 1936–1938, and participated in the Coronation Review for King George VI in May 1937. Admiral Graf Spee was deployed to the South Atlantic in the weeks before the outbreak of World War II, to be positioned in merchant sea lanes once war was declared. Between September and December 1939, the ship sank nine ships totaling 50,089 gross register tons (GRT), before being confronted by three British cruisers at the Battle of the River Plate on 13 December. Admiral Graf Spee inflicted heavy damage on the British ships, but she too was damaged, and was forced to put into port at Montevideo. Convinced by false reports of superior British naval forces approaching his ship, Hans Langsdorff, the commander of the ship, ordered the vessel to be scuttled. The ship was partially broken up in situ, though part of the ship remains visible above the surface of the water.
Contents

1 Construction
2 Service history
2.1 Battle of the River Plate
2.2 Scuttling
3 Footnotes
4 References

Construction
Main article: Deutschland class cruiser

Admiral Graf Spee was ordered by the Reichsmarine from the Reichsmarinewerft shipyard in Wilhelmshaven.[2] Ordered as Ersatz Braunschweig, Admiral Graf Spee replaced the reserve battleship Braunschweig. Her keel was laid on 1 October 1932,[3] under construction number 125.[2] The ship was launched on 30 June 1934; at her launching, she was christened by the daughter of Admiral Maximilian von Spee, the ship's namesake.[4] She was completed slightly over a year and a half later on 6 January 1936, the day she was commissioned into the German fleet.[5]
Recognition drawing of a Deutschland class cruiser

Admiral Graf Spee was 186 meters (610 ft) long overall and had a beam of 21.65 m (71.0 ft) and a maximum draft of 7.34 m (24.1 ft). The ship had a design displacement of 14,890 t (14,650 long tons; 16,410 short tons) and a full load displacement of 16,020 long tons (16,280 t),[2] though the ship was officially stated to be within the 10,000 long tons (10,000 t) limit of the Treaty of Versailles.[6] Admiral Graf Spee was powered by four sets of MAN 9-cylinder double-acting two-stroke diesel engines. The ship's top speed was 29.5 knots (54.6 km/h; 33.9 mph), at 54,000 shaft horsepower (40,000 kW). At a cruising speed of 20 kn (37 km/h; 23 mph), the ship had a range of 8,900 nautical miles (16,500 km; 10,200 mi). As designed, her standard complement consisted of 33 officers and 586 enlisted men, though after 1935 this was significantly increased to 30 officers and 921–1,040 sailors.[2]

Admiral Graf Spee's primary armament was six 28 cm (11.0 in) SK C/28 guns mounted in two triple gun turrets, one forward and one aft of the superstructure. The ship carried a secondary battery of eight 15 cm (5.9 in) SK C/28 guns in single turrets grouped amidships. Her anti-aircraft battery originally consisted of three 8.8 cm (3.5 in) L/45 guns, though in 1935 these were replaced with six 8.8 cm L/78 guns. In 1938, the 8.8 cm guns were removed, and six 10.5 cm (4.1 in) L/65 guns, four 3.7 cm (1.5 in) guns, and ten 2 cm (0.79 in) guns were installed in their place.[2] The ship also carried a pair of quadruple 53.3 cm (21.0 in) deck-mounted torpedo launchers placed on her stern. The ship was equipped with two Arado Ar 196 seaplanes and one catapult. Admiral Graf Spee's armored belt was 60 to 80 mm (2.4 to 3.1 in) thick; her upper deck was 17 mm (0.67 in) thick while the main armored deck was 17 to 45 mm (0.67 to 1.8 in) thick. The main battery turrets had 140 mm (5.5 in) thick faces and 80 mm thick sides.[2] Radar consisted of a FMG G(gO) "Seetakt" set;[7][a] Admiral Graf Spee was the first German warship to be equipped with radar equipment.[8]
Service history
Admiral Graf Spee at Spithead in 1937; HMS Hood and Resolution lie in the background

Admiral Graf Spee spent the first three months of her career conducting extensive sea trials to ready the ship for service. The ship's first commander was Kapitän zur See (KzS) Conrad Patzig; he was replaced in 1937 by KzS Walter Warzecha.[4] After joining the fleet, Admiral Graf Spee became the flagship of the German Navy.[9] In the summer of 1936, following the outbreak of the Spanish Civil War, she deployed to the Atlantic to participate in non-intervention patrols off the Republican-held coast of Spain. Between August 1936 and May 1937, the ship conducted three patrols off Spain.[10] On the return voyage from Spain, Admiral Graf Spee stopped in Great Britain to represent Germany in the Coronation Review at Spithead for King George VI on 20 May.[9]

After the conclusion of the Review, Admiral Graf Spee returned to Spain for a fourth non-intervention patrol. Following fleet manoeuvres and a brief visit to Sweden, the ship conducted a fifth and final patrol in February 1938.[10] In 1938, KzS Hans Langsdorff took command of the vessel;[4] she conducted a series of goodwill visits to various foreign ports throughout the year.[10] These included cruises into the Atlantic, where she stopped in Tangier and Vigo.[11] She also participated in extensive fleet manoeuvres in German waters. She was part of the celebrations for the reintegration of the port of Memel into Germany,[10] and a fleet review in honour of Admiral Miklós Horthy, the Regent of Hungary. Between 18 April and 17 May 1939, she conducted another cruise into the Atlantic, stopping in the ports of Ceuta and Lisbon.[11] On 21 August 1939, Admiral Graf Spee cruised out of Wilhelmshaven, bound for the South Atlantic.[9]


I'm moving to Days Inn Fleet services next week too.
I'm so looking forward to telling you about the Scharnhorst..

[Malcolm Buggeridge]

[Doggy Styles]

Hi Malc!

What a strange man! But on the other hand perhaps his actions were indeed signals and pass-phrases to establish contact with other German spies, as you speculated.

Do you exhibit anything that might inadvertently suggest you are a fellow sleeper?

[Malcolm Buggeridge]

Hi Malc!

What a strange man! But on the other hand perhaps his actions were indeed signals and pass-phrases to establish contact with other German spies, as you speculated.

Do you exhibit anything that might inadvertently suggest you are a fellow sleeper?

Hi DS

Well hopefully Im not talking in my sleep again. My wife once remarked that she had awoken in the middle of the night to the words "I am a German Officer you vill not vip me". Think I'd overdone the underberg that night though...

[sasguru]

.... and he resumed imbibing me ....

Did you enjoy being "imbibed"? Did he insist you "imbibed" him afterwards?

[ZARDOZ]

At least we know Brillo Pad is alive and well

[vetran]

I tried to politely extricate myself from the situation, nodding vigorously with a wan smile on my face as I gradually moved backwards to distance myself from him but he counteracted this by smartly sidestepping closer to me, bringing his heels together with a click that would make any parade ground obergruppenführer proud, until his face was inches from mine and he resumed imbibing me with Graf Spee related trivia.

Get yer coat, you've pulled

[wurzel]

shashee

[EternalOptimist]

It's a fact that it is difficult to have a decent conversation on the subject of German pocket battleships with the 'passing trade' in many of our hotels and B@B's.
Maybe one of the chains should branch out
'Premier turret'
'Travel torpedo tube lodge'

good effort though malc. very good