Lock up your ?

[vetran]

Firefighters reveal erotic bestseller 50 Shades of Grey has sparked a surge in people trapped in HANDCUFFS | Mail Online

Shades of Grey has sparked a surge in people trapped in HANDCUFFS
London Fire Brigade turned out to 79 incidents involving handcuffs and nine of men with rings stuck on their penises
Each incident costs the taxpayer at least £290 and fire crews are warning the public to 'always keep the keys handy'

so your most compromising situation?

[DimPrawn]

I was once caught reading utter tulipe in the Daily Mail.

How fooking embarrassing is that!

[SimonMac]

I was once caught reading Fifty Shades of Grey!

[Mich the Tester]

The Brigade said that in the past its crews have been called to a man whose penis was stuck in a toaster, ...

[DimPrawn]

It's hot and it's got a slot!

Who wouldn't?

[rhubarb]

When I was 18, I was being "orally pleasured" by a girlfriend in her bedroom. Her mother walked in at a crucial moment.
G/F stopped and leapt to her feet. Me stood there...to attention..
G/F's mum simply said "get out".
So I did.

[MaryPoppins]

All this 50 shades of crap is truly up there on my shovel list.

It makes me cringe - despite never having read it. As if! I can tell it's utter bilge from the type of women that prattle on about it.

[MyUserName]

It's hot and it's got a slot!

Who wouldn't?

Erm - ME for a bloody start!

[mos]

I was once caught reading utter tulipe in the Daily Mail.

How fooking embarrassing is that!

[MyUserName]

A few times a GF's mother walked in on us. At one point we were both naked from the waste down but covered by a sheet as we explained we were both exhausted and taking a nap.

We were there chatting for a fair few minutes without her seeming to realise what was happening as we adlibbed plausible reasons for why we could not get up at that point.


Another time on uni placement I had spent the night with a girl. There was a knock at the door at about 8 in the morning as I was opening the door she said "it might be my boyfriend!". As I thought "BOYFRIEND?!?!" I was face to face with a guy I sort of half knew. He seemed puzzled as to what I was doing in his girlfriend's room at 8 on a Sunday morning (luckily I was dressed) -

Me: "Hi, are you after Lindsey?" (Seriously, this was the best I thought of, it was a single room why the F**K else would he be there?)

Him: "Erm ... yes is she here?"

Me: "Yep, Linds, it's for you. Sorry, I can't find that spider. Perhaps he can, I'll leave you to it" (polite nod to him and quick march out!)

Lindsey: "Right, thanks"


He actually bought it but she had to feign arachnophobia for the rest of their relationship.