CUK User Guide

[suityou01]

1.0

Draft

Chapter 1 - Getting Started

The CUK forum is a place for like minded invidivuals to come and share their wisdom, intellectual musings and humorous anecdotes. To get started you will need the following hardware :

1) At least 6 well bled radiators.
2) A chutney spoon.
3) Lifesize cutout of Charlton Heston from Ben Hur.
4) Internet connection and PC running a popular web browser.
5) Size 5+ Huggies.
6) Some bacon treats to feed the giant lizard.
7) Penchant for pole swallowing (sword swallowing is an acceptable transferable skill)
8) Some guinea pig food.
9) Pidgin German.
10) At least 2 references.

Good luck, please move onto chapter 2.

[Pondlife]

Chapter 2 - Posting in the forums

Before getting free reign to share your expert opinions on everything it is important to pass the initial threshold of posts. There are a number of approaches that you could take for this.

1) Posting in the professional forums: Start with seemingly legitimate questions but omit key bits of information that hide the real agenda which you only reveal after people have wasted time answering you. Example question - I need to buy certain safety equipment, is this a legitimate expense? Allow at least five responses before revealing that by safety equipment you meant size 5+ huggies.

2) Post links to Daily Mail articles that are misinformed, biased or down right lies. Popular topics include (but are not limited to) immigration, benefits scroungers or where Kelly Brook is on holiday.

3) Post in the counting thread. Although this meets the Ts&Cs it is considered by some to be poor form.

[Old Greg]

1.0

Draft

Preface

MF is a ****.

Chapter 1 - Getting Started

The CUK forum is a place for like minded invidivuals to come and share their wisdom, intellectual musings and humorous anecdotes. To get started you will need the following hardware :

1) At least 6 well bled radiators.
2) A chutney spoon.
3) Lifesize cutout of Charlton Heston from Ben Hur.
4) Internet connection and PC running a popular web browser.
5) Size 5+ Huggies.
6) Some bacon treats to feed the giant lizard.
7) Penchant for pole swallowing (sword swallowing is an acceptable transferable skill)
8) Some guinea pig food.
9) Pidgin German.
10) At least 2 references.

Good luck, please move onto chapter 2.

FTFY

[mudskipper]

Chapter 3 - Getting noticed

Once you've completed your probation period, it's time to make your mark. There are a number of ways to do this.

1) As a newcomer, you're in a great position to suggest how the forum should be reorganised - suggestions that contractors should be expected to behave in a more professional manner are particularly welcome.

2) If 'acceptance' is your goal, dive in and insult MF or suity. You'll soon be on the front page of the rep table.

3) Post random and bizarre outbursts. A coke habit is helpful if this is your strategy.

4) If you want to restrict your participation to the professional forums, it's a good place to post your conspiracy theories for sensible discussion.

[Dactylion]

Chapter 3 - Getting noticed

Once you've completed your probation period, it's time to make your mark. There are a number of ways to do this.

1) As a newcomer, you're in a great position to suggest how the forum should be reorganised - suggestions that contractors should be expected to behave in a more professional manner are particularly welcome.

2) If 'acceptance' is your goal, dive in and insult MF or suity. You'll soon be on the front page of the rep table.

3) Post random and bizarre outbursts. A coke habit is helpful if this is your strategy.

4) If you want to restrict your participation to the professional forums, it's a good place to post your conspiracy theories for sensible discussion.

WTF!! People insult MF for acceptance!!!! You are kidding?

Everyone insults him cos he is a twunt - Shirley?

[mudskipper]

WTF!! People insult MF for acceptance!!!! You are kidding?

Everyone insults him cos he is a twunt - Shirley?

You must spread.... etc.

[SueEllen]

Chapter 4 - How to get on with other posters

Now you are fully aware of how to use the forum there are extra things you can do to feel more at home.

1. Start a thread about economics and Scottish independence/house prices/the price of fish. One or both of two of our most respected posters called MarillionFan and SASGuru will appear to have an informed debate with you. They are very tolerant and will respect your views even if they completely differ from theirs.

2. Start a thread about State education, the state of the NHS or the welfare state in the UK due to the news items from any other news source that isn't the Daily Mail. Don't be surprised if a poster called DodgyAgent appears to have a very informed and logical discussion with you.

[mudskipper]

Suity, you're a BA.

Where's scope, intended audience, objectives, stakeholders, revisions?

Tut.

[suityou01]

Suity, you're a BA.

Where's scope, intended audience, objectives, stakeholders, revisions?

Tut.

Thanks MS, your feedback is always welcome. Couple of minor points.

Scope - That'd be usage of the CUK forums as it's a CUK Forum User Guide you muppet!

Intended audience - That'd be users.

Objectives - To guide the users.

Stakeholders - There is no project so don't have any.

Revisions - This is a working document

HTH BISDI

[AtW]

If you have to ask for a CUK Guinde then you won't be able to handle it.

HTH