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EternalOptimist
15th June 2005, 19:52
God either exists or ists

if he exists then that is in the past, therefore he doesnt exist any longer.

I have proved that god does not exist although god might ist.

I am going to the fridge for another beer then I will carry on with my thesis.

:D

Pinto
16th June 2005, 13:13
Let me guess:

Carlsberg Special Brew?? :lol

stackpole
16th June 2005, 13:21
Excellent work EO.

But doesn't ist mean is in german? So if god does indeed ist, as you concede he might, then he is, which implies he exists.

EO, do you think god left us this little connundrum as our purpose in life?

sasguru
16th June 2005, 13:28
Yes but the word ist doesn't exist in English. Now as anyone will tell you, English is the language of truth, while German is the language of lies.

Therefore the fact that the word exists exists in the English language but ist does not exist, suggests that God is an ex-being.

Thus I have proved that God once existed but is no more.

By God, I'm a genius.

dundeegeorge
16th June 2005, 13:39
I don't like your inference that god once existed.
Can you provide any proof that there was ever a god?

MarillionFan
16th June 2005, 13:42
Spod.

No god would be sooooo cruel.

amcdonald
16th June 2005, 13:44
Didn't Homer Simpson prove God doesn't exist whilst tryng to work out a flat rate tax system ?

allfinished
16th June 2005, 18:02
Good god man - bliar and his cottery of fools is all the proof you need that god doesn't exist - not even a being with infinite mercy could tolerate him and other liberals t o$$ers

EternalOptimist
16th June 2005, 19:27
coiterie


ahem

stackpole
17th June 2005, 08:44
More good work sas. You spotted the german flaw.

I'm a bit perturbed however.

Given that ist does not exist, and given that god is no longer ist, does this not suggest the opposite - that god could indeed exist because he isn't ist any more?

My four-year-old is following this argument very closely.

darmstadt
17th June 2005, 08:52
# Why don't you show yourself? You supposedly made us and want us to believe in you, right? Why the big mystery? You're also omnipresent, right? Why don't you show yourself to all of us at once and have a personal discussion with us? You can pick the date and time, we'll all stop what we are doing, I'm sure.

# Why do you let your followers murder and rape us? Why do you let your Catholic priests sodomize our precious children? I think it's safe to say that we really don't like this. Isn't your Catholic hierarchy hand chosen by you from the top down? Are you afraid to admit to making a mistake in your choices? Can you please admit the mistake and let our children grow up in a normal, ethical and safe environment?

# Did you really make Eve from one of Adam's ribs? Why didn't you make her from dust just like Adam? And, why do men and women have the same number of ribs if you stole one from Adam to make Eve?

# Why do you make your followers suffer so much? Why do they die at the hands of other religions? Can't you put a stop to this? You're omnipotent, right? Can you 'show us your stuff'? Why do you let all those Church buses crash? Why do you let all your religious followers die in plane crashes, terrorist attacks, car accidents, famines, floods, hurricanes, tornados, etc.? Is this part of 'Your Plan'? If you needed more Angels or something, why didn't you just create more Angels? Why do you cause so much pain down here? Are you sadistic?

# Why are their so many conflicting religions? Did you make man so screwed up that he cannot hear the 'true' word of God... yours? Every religion that exists today and every one that has existed throughout history has professed that THEIRS is the only true religion. Did you come to Earth as Zeus once? Did you make all these religions because you thought certain societies could only understand certain concepts? What about the Jews? The Muslims? The Baptists? The New Adventists? The Mormons, Hindus, Incas, Mayans, Protestants, Apaches, Buddhists, Methodists, Gideons, Greeks, Quakers? The Catholics (American, European, South American, etc.)? Were you just looking for some diversity or is it just a childish game to see who will follow the 'right' religion? Which is the 'right' religion? I'm sure many denominations would REALLY like to know that they're worshipping the 'wrong' God, don't you?

# Was physics different when Noah built the ark? I mean, seriously... how did he get all the animals from all over the world... and the dinosaurs, etc. on that boat? How did he get penguins to the Middle East? How did he get them back after the big flood? Why didn't the dinosaurs eat all the sheep? I know from reading that you are jealous and envious and want nothing more than for all of us to believe in you... wouldn't you like to let us in on your secret? Come on, how'd he do it?


# Who can hear you and communicate with you? Are the Catholics correct in saying that only their priests can communicate with you? Why is this? To ensure the hierarchy and security of the Catholic Church? Or, can anyone communicate with you as most of the other religions believe?

# Why is there war? How does it agree with "Thou Shalt Not Kill"? Why are there so many wars in Your Name?

# If you made Adam & Eve first, and they had three sons Cain, Abel & Seth, what happened next? There's 4 men and 1 woman, right? What happened next to propagate the species? Who did the children marry? Who did they procreate with? Isn't incest bad? Adam & Eve had other children, so brothers and sisters; or Eve's sons and Eve were having sex? God, why aren't we all retarded genetic mistakes? Why didn't the whole human race get physically deformed and mentally handicapped from mixing familial genes? Surely you knew about the gene problem, right? Or did it not exists back then? Did you just create it recently in one of your more spiteful moments?

# The Ten Commandments: "Thou shalt not kill." Didn't you order Moses to do a lot of killing? Why did you do this if it violates one of 'your' commandments? Why did he wipe out entire cities, kill all the men and rape the women and children?

# Why did you put in print all those scientific lies about a Universe you supposedly created? Why the stars held up in the 'firmament'? Why the Milky Way of lost souls? Why the earth-centric universe? Did you not think we would figure it out?

# I've heard a lot of 'theories' on the whole fossil thing and evolution. Did you just put all this evidence here to confuse us? If so, why?

# Why did you make us such sinful creatures? You are all-powerful and all-knowing, right? Why did you give us the ability to do things you call sinful? Why, then, do you punish us for doing exactly what you created us to do?

# If you created the earth and mankind, why are you letting us wipe out your creations? Is it that 'free-will' thing? We're killing this planet. Why don't you save it? Why don't you save us from ourselves? I mean, we're just doing what you made us capable of doing, right?

# Should we stop modern medicine? Are we violating your will as so many seem to think? Is it bad to fix health problems ourselves for things that you didn't seem to consider?

# Did people just make up heaven as a place to go when you die because they were too afraid to tell the children that when you die... that's it? End of story... game over?

# Do you know how to use email? Surely you do, right? Why haven't you written us yet with all the answers? Would your email be big_guy@god.com? Or, would it be ".org"? I guess it would be ".com" because you aren't a non-profit institution, right?

# How does 'immaculate conception' work? We really don't understand that one down here. Are you just covering for some out-of-wedlock behavior?

# Why do you just take the 'soul' up to heaven? Don't you have more room up there than that? Can't you just take the whole person? We're running out of room down here and graves that are supposed to have everlasting piece are constantly being disturbed and robbed.

# Why do you make us like things that aren't 'good' for us? Why alcohol, cigarettes and drugs? Why cheeseburgers and fries? Is it that 'free-will' thing again?

# Why did you give men a life-long desire for beautiful women? Is it just a test of our will and monogamy? Why do 20 year olds desire the same voluptuous women of child-bearing age as 30, 40, 50 and 100 year old men? Was it to ensure the propagation of the human race? But, doesn't this cause men to stray and covet thy neighbor's wife?

# Why do you want to destroy everyone that doesn't believe in you? Why make them burn in hell for eternity? Couldn't you have been a little kinder and just given all these people the capability to believe in you? Don't you take any pride of ownership in what you created?

# Why did you give your followers such a strong ability towards intolerance and hate? Aren't you a loving God? Why do we massacre those unlike ourselves or those that have a 'diversity' of religious belief? Is this part of your plan too? Do we just not understand?

# We all use 'fossil fuels', but fossils aren't real, right? They are the devil's creation, right? Why did you make us have such a dependence on the devil?

# Are you ever going to answer our questions? Are you listening?

# Are we really supposed to believe the fable of Jonah and the whale? Wouldn't Jonah have drowned? Or, wouldn't he have been killed from lack of oxygen in the whales stomach? Or, wouldn't he have been digested by the acids in the whale stomach like everything else? Is this just a a mythological fable? If so, for what reason?

# Are we really supposed to believe that the Sun stood still? We've been watching it for a very long time and it just doesn't do that. There seems to be issues of physics (such as gravity and orbital mechanics) that just doesn't allow that to happen. Did you intervene and make is so? Did you really just do this so 'your' army could keep on killing? Doesn't that violate one of your Ten Commandments that "Thou shalt not kill"?

# If you flooded the Earth during Noah's boat ride, what did all the animals eat when you finally let them back on dry land again?

# Why did you let the Catholic Church burn and imprison scientists during the Inquisition? Do you not like us to discover the workings of our planet and the universe? Is that just 'your' secret?

# If your followers spread out across the globe to spread your word to everyone, how did they get across the oceans to other continents before sea-worthy ships were ever built? Were the natives of the Americas just forgotten?

# Why did you tell us in the Bible that the Earth, Sun, moon and the Heavens are fixed on pillars and cannot move?

# Why didn't all the animals die off after Noah's Ark? We know that one male and one female of each species are not enough for the species to survive and propagate. Studies of reproduction of many, many species indicate that it would simply not be possible. Did things work differently back then?

# Why do you say you created two lights in the sky: the Sun and the moon? We know the moon doesn't really generate any light. It's just a reflection from the other light, the Sun, right? Why did you tell us this? Isn't it a false statement?

# How are we to believe that we were created from dust? There's lots of evidence that we evolved from other creatures. Should we just ignore this? Should we be happy to have been created from dust rather than a fish?

# Why do many of your followers refuse medical treatment? What part of your 'Grand Plan' does this fulfill to have your followers die horrible, early deaths?

# The Bible appears to have an error with regards to how long Noah's flood lasted. Genesis says it was 40 days in one part and 150 days in another. Which is it? Why did you let this error exists in your Holy Word that we are supposed to believe is 100% accurate and true?

# Are you really going to turn the Moon into blood before you come again? Why? Is it really 'blood' or just discolored from an eclipse?

# What does the term 'day' mean to you? Is it different than our 24 hour day? Some of your followers seem to think so, saying that "God's days are not the same as our days." Some even claim that a single day of yours might have been billions of years and that accounts for fossils and all the geologic formations we see. Which is it?

# Did Adam really live to 930 years of age? Seth 912 years? Enos 905 years? How are we supposed to believe this, when over history, man is living longer and longer due to cleanliness and medicine? Were things cleaner back then? Had you not created all the illnesses and disease that you've given us now?

# Why do we find evidence of all the creatures that lived before us, yet most of them are not mentioned by you? And, why do we not find evidence of some of the species you mention in the Bible like fiery serpents or giants that towered over us like we were grasshoppers?

# Why did you let Hitler massacre so many people? Why was the Catholic Church silent on this genocide? What happened to "Thou shalt not kill"? He said he was carrying out your will. Was he? If so, what part of your plan did this fulfill? If not, why didn't you stop him?

# Why did you let the Explorers of the New World murder so many natives? If we are all your children, why did you let them kill so many of your children? Is this some kind of experiment or game for you?

# If you made all the creatures on earth, why do you like us to kill animals for you in sacrifice? Why does this make you happy?

# Why do you punish babies for the wrong-doings of their parents?

# Why do you give us the capabilities for logic and reason, yet do not want us to apply these skills when it comes to you?

# Why did you create the forbidden fruit on the Tree of Knowledge? If you didn't want Eve to eat the fruit, why create it in the first place? And, why did you create the serpent who tempted Eve to eat the fruit? Were you afraid she wouldn't without being tempted by a serpent? Is this a game to you?

# Why did you give us "dominion" over the earth and all creatures on it? We're destroying your planet and the list of your creatures we made extinct is endless. Can you please do us a favor and take this power away from us?

# How old is the earth? The universe? You gave us plenty of evidence that they were not created 8-10 thousand years ago as your book says (and your followers try to force on us). You are omniscient, so we won't bore you with our findings because you already know, right? Are you planning a 2nd edition to the Bible to correct these blatant errors? Was the devil on your editorial staff?

# Why are all the translations of the Bible so different? Why are you allowing man to revise your word?

# Why is your son, Jesus, and his sacrifice for our sins, considered the ultimate gift? Was this not much of a sacrifice on the part of you or Jesus? Given that you have always existed (think on an infinite time-scale), Jesus’ sojourn on earth of thirty-some years amounts to a brief flicker of time. Consider then, that Jesus had to come among us mere mortals and ultimately suffered the pain of death upon the cross. How great was that sacrifice for Jesus, knowing that he would shortly be sitting once more at your right hand? Compare that to the rebellious son of a rich family, (let's make him atheist for the sake of argument) who enlists in the army at the start of WWII. He becomes a medic and is sent, along with his regiment, to capture a small island in the South Pacific. As the battle rages, he moves forward under a hail of gunfire to aid a fallen comrade. As he reaches the soldier and begins to dress the wound, a round from an enemy machine gun rips into his abdomen. He continues to apply pressure to his comrade's wound until another round strikes him in the right shoulder, knocking him backwards. He is unable to rise as the machine gun fire intensifies. He lies there as his platoon is driven back. Bleeding. Dying. Seeing nothing but darkness as he closes his eyes for the last time. Was this not the ultimate gift?

# Why must I be forgiven for my sins by you, who has committed sins far greater than those of which I am capable? I have not unleashed a flood, killing the entire planet's population save for a handful of people who worship me unquestioningly. I have not asked a man to sacrifice his son to prove his loyalty to me. I have not tormented another man, causing his family and property to be destroyed, solely so I could prove to someone that the man would remain devoted to me. I might have told my boss I was sick and went skiing instead. But how can mine be the greater sin requiring forgiveness?

# In a related question, why do people worship a God who would kill millions who do not follow him, with floods or fire rained down from above, but those same people will cry ‘Madman’ when a country's leader eliminates millions in a program.

# Why does your personality seem to depend upon the personality of your followers? People who have a kind, caring personality tend to believe you are a kind and caring God. Those people who are hard and angry tend to believe in an angry and vengeful God.

# Are we free to make our own choices? If we are, how can we say that you opened up an opportunity for us? Wasn't the opening of that opportunity the result of someone else's free choice?

# If we are all Gods Children, Why is Jesus so special?

# Why does the bible have an "Old Testament" and a "New Testament"? Didn't you get it right the first time? If you are infallible, why did you need an update?

# If there are so many religions and each thinks their beliefs are the only right ones and that everyone else is wrong, then most people are wrong - and if one religion is right, most people on the planet consider that one wrong. So which religion is the one that is right?

darmstadt
17th June 2005, 08:57
Mind you, fit angels....

http://www.ethicalatheist.com/img/victoria_angel_2002_4.jpg

SupremeSpod
17th June 2005, 09:10
Oh YES!

Mind you, Liz Hurley was very HOT in Bedazzled!

Spod - In "I'm just off to touch myself" mode!

stackpole
17th June 2005, 09:23
darm,

Banal.

Why do you let your children skateboard? (c) Dan Brown

darmstadt
17th June 2005, 09:39
Oh, alright then...

And speaking in some in some strange crustacean language to an unseen host...while candles hiss the names of the guilty.

---------

The Temptation of Christ - Matthew Chapter 4, Versus 1-11

Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit to the wilderness to be tempted
by the Devil. And he fasted forty days and forty nights, and afterwards
he was hungry. And the Devil came to him and said, "Will you take my
bread?" And Jesus said "No".
And the Devil offered him water, and said, "Will you take my water and
quench your thirst?" And Jesus said, "No! Begone."
And the Devil took him and showed him all the kingdoms of the world
and he said to him, "All these I will give you, if you fall down and
worship me." Then Jesus said, "Begone Satan!"
But the Devil did not leavehim but said unto him, "Will you take this
Nicam Digital Stereo VCR and 26" FST television with Teletext?"
And Jesus looked at him and said, "Maybe...". And the devil said "OK,
I'll bung in seven 'Climax Blue Teenage Erotica?" And Jesus thought
and said unto him,..."Oh alright then."

stackpole
17th June 2005, 09:48
Excellent. I never trusted those catholics to translate honestly.

dundeegeorge
17th June 2005, 09:48
The Temptation of Christ - Matthew Chapter 4, Versus 1-11

Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit to the wilderness to be tempted
by the Devil. And he fasted forty days and forty nights, and afterwards
he was hungry. And the Devil came to him and said, "Will you take my
bread?" And Jesus said "No".
And the Devil offered him water, and said, "Will you take my water and
quench your thirst?" And Jesus said, "No! Begone."
And the Devil took him and showed him all the kingdoms of the world
and he said to him, "All these I will give you, if you fall down and
worship me." Then Jesus said, "Begone Satan!"
Whereupon the Devil said unto him, "you're a right anal retentive aren't you, what can I offer you?" And Jesus replied saying unto him "I want my followers to kill people in my name, and my priests to abuse their positions of power, I want my churches to be rolling in cash while my believers are starving to death, I want my believers to suspend their reason and to ignore the intellect that my father provided them with, oh yeah and I don't want any good tunes either" whereat the Devil sayeth "Done, matey, now did you want that snack after all?"

SupremeSpod
17th June 2005, 10:08
<sniff><thud>

Another little angel has cried itself to death!

Spod - In "You rotten bastards" mode!