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View Full Version : Oh for bloody hell's sake... (Christmas Thread)



Mich the Tester
11th December 2013, 14:50
Season's Bloody Greetings to all of you. The barstewards in the factory across the road have installed two great big speakers outside and are piping christmas songs at high volume across the whole industrial estate (yes, testers get to work in beautiful locations). I hate christmas songs. The only christmas song that I can listen to is 2000 miles by the Pretenders and the rest are shite. OK, except for the carols I used to sing in the choir at prep school. But still, I can't stand the constant sound of 'sleighbells ringing', 'do they know it's bloody christmas' and so on.

Which christmas song do you think is the most abject of them all?

wurzel
11th December 2013, 14:55
There's no one quite like grandma

d000hg
11th December 2013, 14:56
Do They Know it's Christmas

Ruprect
11th December 2013, 14:56
Season's Bloody Greetings to all of you. The barstewards in the factory across the road have installed two great big speakers outside and are piping christmas songs at high volume across the whole industrial estate (yes, testers get to work in beautiful locations). I hate christmas songs. The only christmas song that I can listen to is 2000 miles by the Pretenders and the rest are tulipe. OK, except for the carols I used to sing in the choir at prep school. But still, I can't stand the constant sound of 'sleighbells ringing', 'do they know it's bloody christmas' and so on.

Which christmas song do you think is the most abject of them all?

Mistletoe and wine is pretty bad

OTOH Bell's end by the darkness is a corker

d000hg
11th December 2013, 14:58
Also I suppose it's not really a Christmas song but I doubt this is getting much airtime this year


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmL3m2zcoOI

MicrosoftBob
11th December 2013, 15:04
But xmas with the devil was a Spinal Tap classic!

NotAllThere
11th December 2013, 15:04
I quite like Fairytale of New York.

You´re a bum you´re a punk
You´re an old slut on junk
Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed
You scumbag you maggot
You cheap lousy faggot
Happy christmas your arse I pray god it´s our last.

And the boys of the NYPD choir's still singing Galway Bay
And the bells were ringing out
For christmas day.

DaveB
11th December 2013, 15:04
Carol of the Bells and I Believe in Father Christmas ( Jeff Lake) are the only ones I find remotely acceptable. The rest are all Bollocks

vetran
11th December 2013, 15:08
complain to the noise abatement officer at the Council & PRS

PRS for Music (http://www.prsformusic.com/Pages/default.aspx)

I doubt that is legal or the PRS will want a chunk of cash for it.

There are some crackers here :

Top 10 worst Christmas songs ever, fact: Mr Blobby to Destiny's Child | Metro News (http://metro.co.uk/2013/12/04/the-top-10-worst-christmas-songs-ever-fact-4191693/)

not sure about the Goons though, I think they missed the point of the song!

vetran
11th December 2013, 15:10
I quite like Fairytale of New York.

You´re a bum you´re a punk
You´re an old slut on junk
Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed
You scumbag you maggot
You cheap lousy faggot
Happy christmas your arse I pray god it´s our last.

And the boys of the NYPD choir's still singing Galway Bay
And the bells were ringing out
For christmas day.

yep that is Christmas, or mid year if one of the Artists has died / in rehab.

EternalOptimist
11th December 2013, 15:11
Carol of the Bells and I Believe in Father Christmas ( Jeff Lake) are the only ones I find remotely acceptable. The rest are all Bollocks

greg Lake

the christmas we get, we deserve (http://www.last.fm/music/Emerson,+Lake+&+Palmer/_/I+Believe+In+Father+Christmas)

Mich the Tester
11th December 2013, 15:12
complain to the noise abatement officer at the Council & PRS

PRS for Music (http://www.prsformusic.com/Pages/default.aspx)

I doubt that is legal or the PRS will want a chunk of cash for it.

There are some crackers here :

Top 10 worst Christmas songs ever, fact: Mr Blobby to Destiny's Child | Metro News (http://metro.co.uk/2013/12/04/the-top-10-worst-christmas-songs-ever-fact-4191693/)

not sure about the Goons though, I think they missed the point of the song!

The Goons were brilliant!

DaveB
11th December 2013, 15:12
greg Lake

the christmas we get, we deserve (http://www.last.fm/music/Emerson,+Lake+&+Palmer/_/I+Believe+In+Father+Christmas)

Indeed, for some reason I was thinking of Jeff Beck at the time....

wurzel
11th December 2013, 16:12
My old man used to have an LP called "It's a Wurlitzer Christmas" featuring all the Christmas classics played by Klaus Wunderlich on his Wurlitzer organ.

Must have a dig around in the attic. It was so bad it was good.

Mich the Tester
11th December 2013, 16:15
My old man used to have an LP called "It's a Wurlitzer Christmas" featuring all the Christmas classics played by Klaus Wunderlich on his Wurlitzer organ.

Must have a dig around in the attic. It was so bad it was good.

Was that his real name?

wurzel
11th December 2013, 16:30
Was that his real name?

Apparently, yes

SimonMac
11th December 2013, 16:30
Carol of the Bells and I Believe in Father Christmas ( Jeff Lake) are the only ones I find remotely acceptable. The rest are all Bollocks

I like the muppets version


www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysIzPF3BfpQ

d000hg
11th December 2013, 16:35
A friend is working on a Christian Christmas song as a bit of fun. Not sure if he's going to make it publicly available but I'll keep an eye/ear out.

BoredBloke
11th December 2013, 16:44
this one

Steel Panther - Sexy Santa - YouTube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LMQgzc3tw1c)

Jubber
11th December 2013, 18:20
When I was out in Holland at Christmas time there was always a spanish sounding song playing on the radio in the local bars (I was either at work or in the bar in those days) and I remember the owner telling me it was a Christmas song - what's it called?

darmstadt
11th December 2013, 18:25
An old mate's one:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=FhCl78ly6m8


It's been building up
Now we're coming up
To the time of year when greed is good
Snow and icicles
The price triples
But you wouldn't change it if you could

The tills ring out like jingle bells
The kitchen's filled with murderous smells
No-one's going to end up hungry here
We'll snooze under the Xmas tree
While boring films play on T.V.
Forget about reality - cheers!

It's Xmas, Xmas, Xmas bloody Xmas
It's all you ever hear
Xmas, Xmas, Xmas bloody Xmas
Until it almost sounds sincere

Carol singers croon
Sentimental tunes
Suddenly your problems disappear
Am I losing touch
Or did I drink too much
Or is a real solution nowhere near?

This great big party never stops
Hang tinsel round your cardboard box
Last year's leftovers are back in the shops
And landfills spew out plastic bags
From lorryloads of booze and fags
God, don't you hate this time of year?

It's Xmas, Xmas, Xmas bloody Xmas
It's all you ever hear
Xmas, Xmas, Xmas bloody Xmas
Until it almost sounds sincere
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!


Under studio lights the Santas fry
In shows recorded last July
And tanned professionals read their lines
To moth-eaten reindeer
Play victim in fake-snowball fights
Where no-one's injured, no-one dies
No-one has to sleep outside
Freezing and in fear
Singing, "Goodwill to all mankind!"
We'll put things right some other time
Meanwhile - that special day is here

So happy Xmas, happy bloody Xmas
It almost sounds sincere
Happy Xmas, happy bloody Xmas
It almost sounds sincere
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

vetran
11th December 2013, 19:24
Its Kevin BL**dy Wilson so NSFW

Kevin Bloody Wilson - Christmas Song Lyrics (http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/k/kevin_bloody_wilson/christmas_song.html)

Peoplesoft bloke
11th December 2013, 19:38
I hate them all the Band Aid one is really egregious, but I reserve special hatred for Jona ****** Lewie bastard cavalry wank

BigRed
11th December 2013, 22:17
Bob Dylan did a Christmas album a few years ago. http://www.amazon.co.uk/Christmas-The-Heart-Bob-Dylan/dp/B002MW50KO
This was one of the best songwriters and worst singers playing to his weakness.

suityou01
11th December 2013, 22:20
Prep school. <titter> :D

Mich the Tester
11th December 2013, 22:29
Prep school. <titter> :D

Titter ye not!

suityou01
11th December 2013, 22:30
Titter ye not!

Was that one of the games, like wet biscuit? ;)

Mich the Tester
11th December 2013, 22:32
Was that one of the games, like wet biscuit? ;)

No, fudge nudger.

suityou01
11th December 2013, 22:39
No, fudge nudger.

Ah, halcyon days eh? ;)