• Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
  • Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!

Scottish Funeral

Collapse
X
  •  
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    Scottish Funeral

    I had the unpleasant experience of having to attend a funeral in Scotland. The church was a dire place, the vicar looked like the love child of Uncle Fester and Lurch and the weather was awful.

    The sheep got plenty of mentions and woe betide anyone that would dare challenge the authenticity of the resurrection.

    One thing i do ask is could my relatives please check I am dead before the funeral. I would hate to live through it from inside a coffin.

    At least the Irish manage to dispense some good old Black humour at their funerals
    Let us not forget EU open doors immigration benefits IT contractors more than anyone

    #2
    Dodgy, I think you may be inviting another one of those unfortunate debates about which version of Sky Fairy the adherents follow. By the way - are you planning on having your funeral in Scotland for some reason?

    Comment


      #3
      Complaining a Christian service mentions Jesus is a bit like complaining a vegetarian restaurant doesn't do decent steaks
      Originally posted by MaryPoppins
      I'd still not breastfeed a nazi
      Originally posted by vetran
      Urine is quite nourishing

      Comment


        #4
        Was it this chap?

        Comment


          #5
          Why were you at a funeral? The death of your morality?

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by DodgyAgent View Post
            I had the unpleasant experience of having to attend a funeral in Scotland. The church was a dire place, the vicar looked like the love child of Uncle Fester and Lurch and the weather was awful.

            The sheep got plenty of mentions and woe betide anyone that would dare challenge the authenticity of the resurrection.

            One thing i do ask is could my relatives please check I am dead before the funeral. I would hate to live through it from inside a coffin.

            At least the Irish manage to dispense some good old Black humour at their funerals
            Oh we'll all make sure you're dead right enough.

            Comment


              #7
              Originally posted by zeitghost
              How would you like your stake?
              I was just going to cut him up into 20% slices.

              Comment


                #8
                Let’s privatise his funeral. Put it out to competitive tender and accept the cheapest bid. It’s what he would have wanted.*

                *Before some smartarse points it out, I know I stole this from Ken Loach

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by BrilloPad View Post
                  Why were you at a funeral? The death of your morality?
                  Free beer afterwards
                  Let us not forget EU open doors immigration benefits IT contractors more than anyone

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by Old Greg View Post
                    I was just going to cut him up into 20% slices.
                    And bury two more agents to serve as 'references'.
                    And what exactly is wrong with an "ad hominem" argument? Dodgy Agent, 16-5-2014

                    Comment

                    Working...
                    X