Teenagers are little sh@tes - spy software recommendation?

[vetran]

How old is he? Is "wanting him out" an option? It seems unlikely that it will improve his outcome.

If his sister is 5, it's possible he's feeling "less loved" - small children do necessarily get a lot more attention, and teenagers aren't mature enough to cope with those sort of emotions.

When's the last time you said something positive to him? (Not a criticism, but something to think about if the last few months/years have been all about what a problem he is).

When I sought help with my eldest, it surprised me that when he was asked to tell the shrink five good things about himself, he could only come up with one.

Try and find the good in him and praise it.

It does sound like you need professional help - good luck, and sympathies.

Agree the small one may be part of the problem. Our Eldest two did stumble a bit with the idea of our youngest.

They are now devoted to her and she winds them round her little finger but there were times when it didn't look like that would be the case. Definitely worth spending special time with each individually.

Interesting exercise, name 5 good things about yourself.

Just thinking about my girls and trying to isolate each one's 5. They have lots of common traits but they are also individuals.

As a few people said, this may not be the best place to discuss it, this is definitely a bearpit, professional help may be a very good idea.

[GreenMirror]

Typical CUK thread - go through 9 rubbish replies to get 1 good one.

Sometimes putting these things out can lead to the right result - look at MF's child issues.

[northernladuk]

Typical CUK thread - go through 9 rubbish replies to get 1 good one.

Sometimes putting these things out can lead to the right result - look at MF's child issues.

To be fair that's pretty good stats bearing in mind where he's posted it

Although when it comes to kids we all try a little harder but in both cases it's very complicated and beyond the norm so hard to get good advice.

[psychocandy]

Very true. He could be ashamed of his dad claiming JSA when he's in between contracts?

Ha ha could be. Last time was about 6 years ago so he'd have been 8.

Saying that he did phone me once a year or so ago to ask me to drop his PE kit in toy school because he'd forgotten it. When I said not really because I was in work and it'd take me 90 mins to get home. His answer was " ahh I wondered where you were going every day".

[LondonManc]

Ha ha could be. Last time was about 6 years ago so he'd have been 8.

Saying that he did phone me once a year or so ago to ask me to drop his PE kit in toy school because he'd forgotten it. When I said not really because I was in work and it'd take me 90 mins to get home. His answer was " ahh I wondered where you were going every day".

Have a read through the Cats in the Cradle lyrics - quite poignant.

Do you spend much time with him? Common hobby, etc.?

[psychocandy]

Good post. Tough in real life and testing.

Fortnite seems to be very addictive and also makes my son angry!

Don't think he plays Fortnite. Its hearts of iron he plays I think.

Theres angry and theres angry and hitting things multiple times mind!

[psychocandy]

Have a read through the Cats in the Cradle lyrics - quite poignant.

Do you spend much time with him? Common hobby, etc.?

Don;t worry workaholic is not me! I don't even work away from home - Id rather claim JSA!

Tried many times to get him interested in things. Not interested. All he wants to do is play computer games online.

Yeh I know you're thinking yeh right. But both my mrs and I have really tried hard with him - my mrs probably more so admitedly.

It got to the point where we'd take him out for meals and he'd deliberately kick off because he didnt want to be there. We tried taking him to his favourite places, or asking what he wanted to do. He still didnt want to go.

We've tried asking him what he wants to do. Just the other day, we asked if he wanted to do x, y and z with us, whether he wanted to see his friends etc over the hols. Shrug, nah not really.

[mudskipper]

OK - so looking at this from the outside -

You're a 10 year old. About to start secondary school. Along comes new baby. Lots of fuss made of new baby. You feel a bit neglected. You play up. Baby grows into cute toddler and cute little girl. She gets lots of love, smiles and attention. You get told off, no-one understands you (in your eyes), your parents love the kid, but you're just a nuisance. Mum has even told you she doesn't want you at home any more.

Note - none of this is a criticism - life is complicated - but you can see how his self esteem could be rock bottom.

Try and make the kid feel valued, loved and wanted - and useful! You may find the behaviour improves. Do stuff with him (just you and him - no sister) - footie, or whatever he's interested in and try and become his friend. You might even find you like him

[psychocandy]

OK - so looking at this from the outside -

You're a 10 year old. About to start secondary school. Along comes new baby. Lots of fuss made of new baby. You feel a bit neglected. You play up. Baby grows into cute toddler and cute little girl. She gets lots of love, smiles and attention. You get told off, no-one understands you (in your eyes), your parents love the kid, but you're just a nuisance. Mum has even told you she doesn't want you at home any more.

Note - none of this is a criticism - life is complicated - but you can see how his self esteem could be rock bottom.

Try and make the kid feel valued, loved and wanted - and useful! You may find the behaviour improves. Do stuff with him (just you and him - no sister) - footie, or whatever he's interested in and try and become his friend. You might even find you like him

Fair comment muddie and I think you're spot on here.

We were aware of all of this from the beginning and have gone out of our way to do as you suggest. As much as is humanly possible. Over the years hes just withdrawn and shied away from us as much as he can.

I cant list the number of activities we've tried to get him to do and do together and it always comes back the same thing. Not interested in doing anything else.