Infatuation attack arrgh!

[DealorNoDeal]

I wish there was a magic cure for depression!

If you drink heavily every night, there might be.

It took a long time for it to finally dawn on me that there might be a connection between the booze and crippling anxiety and depression. Doh!

[Jog On]

Try the website meetup.com. Join some groups for thngs you are interested in and go and meet some people who are 'your people'. The only way to deal with social anxiety is to go out there and talk to people. Not necessarily with dating in mind but you never know who you'll meet. My therapist basically told me to do this.

Get a therapist if you don't already have one and meditation can be good as well. Also do some form of physical exercise even if it's light just get moving somehow, spend time in nature as well.

Regarding the winner/loser thing - how you talk to yourself is very important. What evidence is there in your life that you're a loser? What have you achieved that can disprove that? Your career must be quite good if you're a contractor? Are you good at what you do? Have you delivered some stellar wins for clients over the years? How does your income compare to the national average? How much does that make you a 'loser'?

Next time that voice tells you how much of a loser you are ask it about your career and if that is the result of being a loser.

Regarding the relationship thing you would be better off focusing on getting yourself grounded first (therapy, exercise, meditation, nature), build a circle of friends (meetup) and you'll meet someone.

This is all just my 2c after many years of therapy and addiction recovery, still got some way to go myself but haven't had a melt down or engaged ATW on here for a while so that's progress in my book!

[Jog On]

Something else I can recommend is if you are technical and technically minded learn about the brain, different parts, what they do and why. Then you can 'observe' what's happening in a situation - eg "I'm having a fight/flight response in my reptillian brain which is designed to help me survive in the wild - this isn't appropriate for this situation as I'm not in physical danger I've just walked into a room full of strangers"

It's quite fascinating when you pick it apart and understanding it takes away the power it has over you. I did this course which I recommend:

Master your brain: Neuroscience for personal development | Udemy

[sasguru]

Please don't buy into this alpha / winner bulltulip.

Indeed, it's inconceivable that someone who claims to be Oxbridge educated can subscribe to such tired, discredited, cliched notions.

I'm surprised no one on here mentioned the value of exercise and the subsequent release of endorphins, nature's antidepressants. While I don't know if I've ever been clinically depressed, the "black dog" as Churchill described it occasionally descends and I find putting on my running shoes is never a waste in terms of improved mood. However much you don't feel like starting the exercise, the buzz afterwards is natures own medicine.

Exercise and Depression: Endorphins, Reducing Stress, and More

[Scruff]

I am sorry for your distress. Go see a proper Doctor, and get a referral to a Clinical Psychologist.

For those interested in "how the mind works", Vilayanaur S. Ramachandran gave "The Reith Lectures" in 2003, and through the magic of the Beeb, they are still available to "listen again". Possibly amongst the most enlightening set of lectures I have ever heard (and listened to).

BBC Radio 4 - The Reith Lectures, Vilayanur S. Ramachandran: The Emerging Mind: 2003, Phantoms in the Brain

btw - most of us feature high on the Asperger's Curve, that is why we are in IT (and especially those "of my age").

[LadyPenelope]

Indeed, it's inconceivable that someone who claims to be Oxbridge educated can subscribe to such tired, discredited, cliched notions.

I'm surprised no one on here mentioned the value of exercise and the subsequent release of endorphins, nature's antidepressants. While I don't know if I've ever been clinically depressed, the "black dog" as Churchill described it occasionally descends and I find putting on my running shoes is never a waste in terms of improved mood. However much you don't feel like starting the exercise, the buzz afterwards is natures own medicine.

Exercise and Depression: Endorphins, Reducing Stress, and More

I'm sure the exercise recommendation comes from a good place, but it's definitely one of the things that wind up depressed people. Someone said it to me when I was depressed, I was a gym-goer. She was a heavy smoker who never exercised.

Ref No's 3 & 13: 13 Annoying Conversations You'''ve Definitely Had If You'''re Depressed

Depends on the type of depression the OP has, really.

[Jog On]

I'm sure the exercise recommendation comes from a good place, but it's definitely one of the things that wind up depressed people. Someone said it to me when I was depressed, I was a gym-goer. She was a heavy smoker who never exercised.

Ref No's 3 & 13: 13 Annoying Conversations You'''ve Definitely Had If You'''re Depressed

Depends on the type of depression the OP has, really.

Good point - should have prefaced it with "if you don't already".

[GJABS]

What evidence is there in your life that you're a loser?


Get a therapist if you don't already have one and meditation can be good as well. Also do some form of physical exercise even if it's light just get moving somehow, spend time in nature as well.

Oh, where do I start!

Seriously though, there are a number of significant deficits in my life, two of which I don't feel I should share on here because it is a public forum, and part of polite society. Nothing illegal or unethical.

I have done CBT in the past, but not a full course of CBT for over 10 years. Maybe it is high time I did another course - one that I'll pay for myself (I can afford it easily now, and don't need to rely on the NHS).

I have spent the day today sat at the computer jotting down into a word doc every thought about my situation as it comes to me. Mostly theorising. I'm up to 6000 words so far. So plenty for a therapist to chew on

[GJABS]

Hope to see you back on TOTP soon.....

Thank you BP

[GJABS]

Indeed, it's inconceivable that someone who claims to be Oxbridge educated can subscribe to such tired, discredited, cliched notions.

I'm surprised no one on here mentioned the value of exercise and the subsequent release of endorphins, nature's antidepressants

Hmmm... I'd be interested to learn more about what evidence discredits the alpha-male concept, because it seems correct to me.

In my experience exercise can give you a high to counter depression - once you have stopped exercising. But at the expense of becoming more depressed while you are doing the exercise.