Dark Days...

[NotAllThere]

A great pity mb31 did not come to the Manchester meet up.

Indeed. He might have discovered we're quite human after all. Except Admin of course. He makes Robocop look like a kitten.

I have heard from mb31 who says he is ok. So fingers crossed and we will try and keep in touch with mb31 and thanks for everyone's support on here.

I made a few guesses and lucked out. I've been talking to him - he's getting help.

A combination of dark days, a Tory win (personally, I think that Boris and out of EU is marginally less worse than the Soviet Socialist United Kingdom), and (guessing again) working away from home.

[BrilloPad]

Nothing is that bad, not even being Brillo's ex.

The exs disagree! They have so much money - it buys alot of expert psychiatric assistance.....

[mb31]

Hmmm, well this is all embarrassing. I'd like to reply to everyone individually but I'm overwhelmed by the response.

It was actually mixed affective state rather than depression. Mixed is more dangerous because you don't get the inhibitions of depression. That's the same reason why alcohol and depression are a really bad mix and I can identify with those who have shared difficult personal experiences.

I'd spent most of yesterday with the in in-laws, which is always quite triggering and then my wife was working last night. Distraction is important when you feel like you've had enough, that's why people phone helplines or just anyone. I know someone who phoned British Gas after his Dad died.

At about 10pm last night my daughter got up to go to the toilet and I realised that the cistern has been leaking through to the kitchen ceiling. There's some moderate water damage but it was a good distraction along with replying to admin and reading NAT's LinkedIn profile.

Anyway, to those who say the Tories are not responsible for suicide ideation. Here's one of my favourite poems by Charles Bukowski.



a woman, a
tire that’s flat, a
disease, a
desire: fears in front of you,
fears that hold so still
you can study them
like pieces on a
chessboard…
it’s not the large things that
send a man to the
madhouse. death he’s ready for, or
murder, incest, robbery, fire, flood…
no, it’s the continuing series of small tragedies
that send a man to the
madhouse…
not the death of his love
but a shoelace that snaps
with no time left …
The dread of life
is that swarm of trivialities
that can kill quicker than cancer
and which are always there -
license plates or taxes
or expired driver’s license,
or hiring or firing,
doing it or having it done to you, or
roaches or flies or a
broken hook on a
screen, or out of gas
or too much gas,
the sink’s stopped-up, the landlord’s drunk,
the president doesn’t care and the governor’s
crazy.
light switch broken, mattress like a
porcupine;
$105 for a tune-up, carburetor and fuel pump at
sears roebuck;
and the phone bill’s up and the market’s
down
and the toilet chain is
broken,
and the light has burned out -
the hall light, the front light, the back light,
the inner light; it’s
darker than hell
and twice as
expensive.
then there’s always crabs and ingrown toenails
and people who insist they’re
your friends;
there’s always that and worse;
leaky faucet, christ and christmas;
blue salami, 9 day rains,
50 cent avocados
and purple
liverwurst.

or making it
as a waitress at norm’s on the split shift,
or as an emptier of
bedpans,
or as a carwash or a busboy
or a stealer of old lady’s purses
leaving them screaming on the sidewalks
with broken arms at the age of 80.

suddenly
2 red lights in your rear view mirror
and blood in your
underwear;
toothache, and $979 for a bridge
$300 for a gold
tooth,
and china and russia and america, and
long hair and short hair and no
hair, and beards and no
faces, and plenty of zigzag but no
pot, except maybe one to piss in
and the other one around your
gut.

with each broken shoelace
out of one hundred broken shoelaces,
one man, one woman, one
thing
enters a
madhouse.

so be careful
when you
bend over.

[ladymuck]

Bukowski can be a challenging read but he certainly doesn't sugar coat anything.

Glad to hear you're doing ok.

[Mordac]

I initially thought this was a hoax of some sort, but it quickly became clear it was anything but.
My brother has been suffering depression, to the point he had to quit his job (a job he absolutely loved and was doing extremely well).
I'm glad to see you are seeking help, I know how difficult that first step can be.
Well done to those who saw your post and piled in to help you, and I wish you every success.

As an aside, I noticed this in your original post:

It comes as no surprise that nobody likes me on here.

Anything we say on here is never personal - but you may want to think about what you are posting, if you are getting responses which have had an adverse effect.

Again, the very best of luck to you, and best wishes to your family for the season. Hope it all works out.

[Whorty]

Welcome back MB31 - glad you're in a slightly better place this morning.

Thanks to Mods and Admin for helping out

[scooterscot]

Turn it up..

No Worries (Feat. Timon & Pumbaa) by Ehrling | Ehrling | Free Listening on SoundCloud

[GJABS]

Here's one of my favourite poems by Charles Bukowski.

...

it’s not the large things that
send a man to the
madhouse. death he’s ready for, or
murder, incest, robbery, fire, flood…
no, it’s the continuing series of small tragedies
that send a man to the
madhouse…

I think there's a lot of truth to that. It certainly mirrors my experience with depression - that you can handle one thing going wrong in your life, but add a second or a third, and it sends your brain into rumination overdrive..

You'll be OK I think.

And if you're in the Winchester area, message me and I'll give you a free flight in the aircraft (weather dependent). It won't cure your depression, but you won't be able to think about it when you're a bit scared for your life lol

[mb31]

Thanks GJABS, you don't get an offer like that every day. I was in Farnborough last month for a permie job interview at BAE head office. It was me versus a string of internal candidates so you can probably guess the outcome.

Regarding getting help, I've been under secondary care for nearly two years and that's the longest spell of my life because I previously self managed a recurrent disorder for 13 years without relapse. It might sound crazy but I need to make a break from the mental health team and contracting could be a solution if I can manage the risks of being away from home. The fact there is support on here behind all the banter is reassuring.

And I don't expect special treatment otherwise it would be hypocritical of me when I start handing it out

Ps thanks for the music video scooterscot, Disney songs have their therapeutic value. I bet Mary Poppins votes Labour.

Chim chiminey, chim chiminey, chim chim cher-ee
A sweep is as lucky as lucky can be
Chim chiminey, chim chiminey, chim chim cher-oo
Good luck will rub off when I shakes 'ands with you

Now as the ladder of life as been strung
You may think a sweep's on the bottommost rung
Though I spends me time in the ashes and smoke
In this 'ole wide world there's no 'appier bloke

[BrilloPad]

I'd spent most of yesterday with the in in-laws

What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.