I'll marmelise her I'll marmelise her
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  1. #1

    The beerded one

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    Default I'll marmelise her

    my daughter turned 16 in November. She lives with her mum and I rang last night to make arrangements for her to stay this weekend.

    Arrangements all made she says 'Dad, I have something to tell you'

    of course I get a large stream of brown adrenalin running straight down my leg

    'er, what is it ?'

    'er.....'

    by now I have a large throbbing vein in my temple and my heart is doing 200 revs

    'come on, spit it out, you know you can tell me anything'

    'It's my fringe, I tried to do it myself and it's a bit wonky'

    massive floods of relief

    I'll blooming marmelise her



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  2. #2

    Fingers like lightning

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    I think that you should have a go at your fringe just to make her feel better.
    I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt... I can't compete with that stuff.

  3. #3

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    Kids eh?

    Can't live with em, can't kill them then chop them up and hide the bits under your lawn.
    ‎"See, you think I give a tulip. Wrong. In fact, while you talk, I'm thinking; How can I give less of a tulip? That's why I look interested."

  4. #4

    The beerded one

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rookie View Post
    I think that you should have a go at your fringe just to make her feel better.
    my fringe was last seen heading north in 1990


    it's now kept in a box under the bed



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  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Moscow Mule View Post
    Kids eh?

    Can't live with em, can't kill them then chop them up and hide the bits under your lawn.
    You can't?

    Boy am I in deep doodoos
    'elf and safety guru

  6. #6

    My post count is Majestic

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    Quote Originally Posted by EternalOptimist View Post
    my daughter turned 16 in November. She lives with her mum and I rang last night to make arrangements for her to stay this weekend.

    Arrangements all made she says 'Dad, I have something to tell you'

    of course I get a large stream of brown adrenalin running straight down my leg

    'er, what is it ?'

    'er.....'

    by now I have a large throbbing vein in my temple and my heart is doing 200 revs

    'come on, spit it out, you know you can tell me anything'

    'It's my minge, I tried to do it myself and it's a bit wonky'

    massive floods of relief

    I'll blooming marmelise her



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  7. #7

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    Marmelise, haven't heard that for a while. Along with Codswallop
    The court heard Darren Upton had written a letter to Judge Sally Cahill QC saying he wasn’t “a typical inmate of prison”.

    But the judge said: “That simply demonstrates your arrogance continues. You are typical. Inmates of prison are people who are dishonest. You are a thoroughly dishonestly man motivated by your own selfish greed.”

  8. #8

    Godlike

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    Quote Originally Posted by d000hg View Post
    That's just wrong!!!! very wrong!!!!!!












    Si posse, recte, si non, quocumque modo rem

  9. #9

    The beerded one

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    Quote Originally Posted by d000hg View Post
    you shouldn't put thoughts like that in a dad's head. I'm going tell bishop Sentamu about you, you sinner.




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  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by Moscow Mule View Post
    Kids eh?

    Can't live with em, can't kill them then chop them up and hide the bits under your lawn.
    Should we have a poll on that?

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