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Thread: cats

  1. #1

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    Default cats

    I really do not like em. There's a new one recently moved in somewhere round here that is butchering the local wildlife.

    I often hear squealing and discover the source of the sound to be this damn cat torturing a little vole or something on my lawn. Now the little f**ker has killed the little robin that used to come and sit on the handle of my fork when I was gardening. I was very upset about that.

    Another thing, this cat and all the others in the neighbourhood treat my garden as a latrine. There's nothing worse than being on all fours doing some weeding when you suddenly sink your fingers into some rancid cat turd.

    Enough is enough, I hate the damn things. They're not even British - they're bloody Egyptian. Send em back I say.
    Anyhow, I've tried various things like lobbing stones but they always come back. Might reserve some space in my wheelie bin. Failing that, I'm getting my air rifle out.

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  3. #3

    Contractor Among Contractors

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    Try a repellant:

    Silent Roar Cat Repellant
    It's about time I changed this sig...

  4. #4

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    hyperD has more data than eek

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    Simply crack their skulls in with a cricket bat. And cook them. Make a wonderful balti.
    If you think my attitude stinks, you should smell my fingers.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by hyperD View Post
    Simply crack their skulls in with a cricket bat. And cook them. Make a wonderful balti.
    Yeah. That's more like it.

  6. #6

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    The cats belong to the hard core New labour voters who want the cake and eat it too. They cannot be arsed training the cats to poop in their garden and are happy to let them go and dirty the neighbour's garden. Spend some money on some anti freeze and the problem is gone. Ignore the animal loving posters who will act indignant, what do they know about rancid cat turd, eh ?

  7. #7

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    RichardCranium has more data than eek

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    Quote Originally Posted by hyperD View Post
    cook them. Make a wonderful balti.
    No, they don't. They're nasty and gamey and tough.

    PS Don't buy cheap 'meat' curries from all-night curry shops in Westbourne Grove.
    My all-time favourite Dilbert cartoon, this is: BTW, a Dumpster is a brand of skip, I think.

  8. #8

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    You could refer to this thread it might help
    "Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what's for lunch." - Orson Welles

    Norrahe's blog

  9. #9

    More fingers than teeth

    xoggoth - scorchio!

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    I heartily concur with all above ant-cat rhetoric. Ghastly creatures, they destroy our wildlife. Six weeks ago we heard a cat out front and I bellowed at it. Turned out it had attacked a young hedgehog and ripped a big chunk of its prickles out. It squealed for about half an hour before managing to make off.
    bloggoth

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  10. #10

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    Alf W is good enough for Jehovah!

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    The answer's simple. Get yourself a cat. I've got two and I've not found a 'cat egg' in the garden for many years.
    Guy Fawkes - "The last man to enter Parliament with honourable intentions."

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