Poisoned chalice project

[Clippy]

I would get a job in McDonald's if I were you, since you seem to be unable to deal with any situations out of the ordinary in your current roles without suffering a complete meltdown.
You are clearly not temperementally suited to the work you do. You need clear orders, a structure and simple repetitive work.
So when you get to McDonalds don't get too many gold stars or they may promote you to shift supervisor and you won't be able to cope with that.

No point, it'd only read something like this:


Day 2 of my new career and I just met with a guy called Ronald who runs the whole operation (no wonder he's always smiling) who should have met me on day 1. (Edit - to be fair not his fault - he was on a promotional tour)

The generic process designed by him is a high level overview and each station has their own variations depending on output. From my years of experience of being a lardy gut bucket I know that if the output is delivered inconsistently, with too much salt or no cheese for example, no one will eat it (except me of course, nom nom, nom).

No hope of redefining the project plan, revisiting the requirements. Also the stakeholders are either being trained on the drive-thru window, picking their zits or too busy gurning.

It also appears there are other stakeholders (Hamburgler) that need to be involved that have not been so there are huge requirements gaps.

I am supposed to be preparing the McSpec for sign off by next Friday.

What do I do?

McPoll to follow.

[doodab]

Please advise on

a) How to force people to attend workshops and contribute.
b) How to insert another 2 weeks into the plan without any of the dates slipping.

a) at gunpoint
b) by cutting out most of the testing

Although I should mention that when I referred to evidence of practical experience I was referring to NAT & MTT's insights into the inner workings of McDonalds

[jmo21]

Please advise on

a) How to force people to attend workshops and contribute.

If it's not in the plan, and they won't turn up to get stuff added to the plan (ignoring timescale slip this would cause), how is it your problem?

Of course you want to do the right thing, but so long as you have evidence that they did not engage, you're covered.

Then 6 months down the line (or whatever) when you deliver, they start to show interest, you get a nice fat extension to do some more work.

[alreadypacked]

Please advise on

a) How to force people to attend workshops and contribute.
b) How to insert another 2 weeks into the plan without any of the dates slipping.

a) I always try to have a face to face with the stakeholders, find out what they want from the project.
Ask them to attend the meeting as we want to discuss what might need to be dropped from the project if it can't all be completed.

b) See a.
Always tell them there are 3 main things in projects, Quality, Cheep and Speed. Pick two.

[cojak]

Week 2 on the project and I just met with the business analyst who should have handed over to me in week 1. (Edit - to be fair not his doing)

The generic process designed by him is a high level overview and each department has their own variations on a theme. The consultancy has quoted for delivering the generic process, yet from my workshops it is clear that if this is delivered no one will use the system.

No hope of redefining the project plan, revisiting the requirements. Also the stakeholders are either on holiday, too busy to attend workshops or cannot be arsed.

It also appears there are other stakeholders that need to be involved that have not been so there are huge requirements gaps.

I am supposed to be preparing the f-spec for sign off by next Friday.

What do I do?

Poll to follow.

Welcome to the real world.

If you look for the perfect project you'll be benched more often than not.

[Mich the Tester]

Welcome to the real world.

If you look for the perfect project you'll be benched more often than not.

WCS, besides, if clientcos had a bloody clue what they're doing they wouldn't need contractors, so stop whingeing and invoice.

[2BIT]

it's the kind of environment which, whilst never fun, could ensure you get extended time and time again - as long as you make sure you are excellent - that is being positive, doing things others should have done and basically being proactive

[Mich the Tester]

it's the kind of environment which, whilst never fun, could ensure you get extended time and time again - as long as you make sure you are excellent - that is being positive, doing things others should have done and basically being proactive

...and always carrying a piece of paper headed 'URGENT' in large block capitals when wandering about the place.

[Churchill]

...and always carrying a piece of paper headed 'TOP SECRET - Afganistan, the final solution' in large block capitals when wandering about the place.

Just don't let the press see it as you're leaving Number 10...

[eek]

Please advise on

a) How to force people to attend workshops and contribute.
b) How to insert another 2 weeks into the plan without any of the dates slipping.

a) By pointing out that unless you attend your input won't be received and it will be deemed that you are happy with the final output.
b) As said elsewhere bin the testing as the client doesn't want to be paying for it anyway. You next aim is then get an acceptance document from them ASAP so you can bill all bug fixes as changes to scope.