Elderly parents...

[d000hg]

If he's happy with rickety old furniture, and keeps things clean, leave him be!

[psychocandy]

So why not pay for it yourself, tell him you have a present for him and get the stuff sorted even if your not in the will just do it as a kind gesture to make his last years more comfortable then when he is gone you will know you did all you could

Have done in the past. He goes nuts about it! Really nuts....

[psychocandy]

It's not likely he'll change then. We had a bit of that type of thing in the first place so we started by saying stuff like "you have to have it and if you don't buy it, we'll get it for you" or "I'll buy it and you pay me back" - and then just go and buy it for him so he felt he had to pay for it. Eventually it got easier but what made the real difference was when he realised that he could no longer cope entirely on his own.

We have similar brother issues so you have my sympathies on that score.

Tried all those approaches. Gets to the point where he says 'NO I DO NOT WANT TO SPEND MONEY!; and gets upset.

The decorating thing was a disaster. I finally talked him around and was getting it arranged.

He then phones me out the blue to say dont worry - hes got someone to do it. Asked him who - a 'friend' of his who used to be a painter (said friend was in his 70s). Asked him about colours and he said dunno I left it up to friend. Nice one Dad.

Anyway, it got done. Worst painting I'd ever seen. Old man was happy though because it was cheap. Dont even ask about the colours. Obviously whatever friend had left over was used.

Bollacked him for that. He needed it done properly not cheap and crap. Infuriating.

[psychocandy]

If he's happy with rickety old furniture, and keeps things clean, leave him be!

Rickety old furniture that is falling to bits. Chairs that he can hardly sit on because it gives him a bad back. Old bed that I;m sure I used as a child - so worn he cant sleep.

Clean. Not at all unfortunately. Social have offered to give him help with cleaners etc but hes got make a contribution (again, because hes got so much money saved - his fault again!). No chance in a million years that he'll pay for a cleaner - it was something like £5 a week but he thought that was daylight robbery....

[xoggoth]

The parents in law are exactly the same, they drive the missus and her brother scatty. More than enough money coming in and they won't spend it to make their lives easier.

Mind you, I will be exactly the same when I am ancient, I have the mean gene.

[psychocandy]

The parents in law are exactly the same, they drive the missus and her brother scatty. More than enough money coming in and they won't spend it to make their lives easier.

Mind you, I will be exactly the same when I am ancient, I have the mean gene.

I just dont see the point of racking it up in savings for the sake of it.....

[escapeUK]

I haven't seen my old man for ages but we kind of keep in contact. He got the barmaid in his local pregnant some time ago so had to marry her so I have a stepbrother who is over 25 years younger then me. .

I think you'll find thats called a half brother. A stepbrother would be her existing child from someone else who is no blood relation to you.

Id love to put my father in a home. Are there any that are run like mental asylums?

[KentPhilip]

Rickety old furniture that is falling to bits. Chairs that he can hardly sit on because it gives him a bad back. Old bed that I;m sure I used as a child - so worn he cant sleep.

I wonder whether there are any second-hand shops or charities that would allow you to trade in the existing furniture? If you were to explain the situation to them and give them a hefty donation I expect he would be able to trade in his old carp and have some semi-decent second hand furniture, and he'll think he'd got it for free.

But ultimately I agree with his logic. I hate spending money too.

[NotAllThere]

My parents are in their early 70s and quite happily spending my inheritance. My grandmother is 99, and has just handed power of attorney over to her daughters; she can't do much, so just takes each day as it comes - she's in a decent nursing home.

In-laws have a bit of money, but their only interests in life are their kids and grandkids. Mum's losing it a bit, but dad seems to be getting on fine. Nice garden they have.

You can't run your parents' lives for them. Just be there when they need you.

[psychocandy]

I wonder whether there are any second-hand shops or charities that would allow you to trade in the existing furniture? If you were to explain the situation to them and give them a hefty donation I expect he would be able to trade in his old carp and have some semi-decent second hand furniture, and he'll think he'd got it for free.

But ultimately I agree with his logic. I hate spending money too.

Mate. At the end of the day its just a bit of paper or a pile of metal.

You cant take it with you....

A perfect life is to earn enough to do what you want, to have enough left to do what you want when you finish working, and then spend your last pound on the day you drop.